you should have been there
it was all numb ceiling fan talk
while i was tasting all my senses
everything was new

maybe it's no coincidence that autumn gives me new hope
like i am given the chance to ease into frostbite while laughing
like colors caress me while i avoid hibernation
like wood burned memories celebrate anniversaries unforgivably
October is a month to celebrate the death of all things passed
and July is just avoiding my identity

I've been sweating for hours on end
waiting for your return so we can
sing like someone would listen

today i realized that i can't keep redecorating my self taught cage

Elisabeth lives as more than dust
She lies in Rachel's ribs
through sharpie ink
and in the sky when it turns salmon pink
behind crosses and hills
nothing has ended
she is still strung through trees
and her soul is fused to yours clean
numb will consume us
and ill brush the knots from your hair when there is nothing else to say
death is one way to find out who will stay
and who will go cry themselves to sleep because they cant see beyond themselves

guitar strings vibrate in bars
and we search for signs of where you are

When I say I find my relief in pine
You must know that I understand
Its betrayal in every form

Every stab of the needle
The sharpness of the smell
Pinching every sense of my being
To remind me i'm alive

If I die, and our words never solidified into anything but dust
At least I would have loved them
Each and every one

infinite epitaph written in radio waves
crystal desire drenched in spray paint
wooden windmill heart
and accordion lungs
green blades of grass for the suicidal one
keep time to the music
and let's have fun

red is the color of release
white is the color of death of the clock

writing in red pen
and blowing smoke through my head
Regina Spektor plays in my room

hey remember that time
we were spinning under pictures
remember that time i touched
your knees on that red patterned carpet
remember green lockers, rust, and catholic dust
remember molding clay and
all those times you'd run away

there are times i remember the stories in each scar
and decide to trace patterns in the stars
looking up, i get lost wondering

are we the only survivors
are your lungs just balloons full of bus fumes and regret
are your eyes crossed by love

remember
my hands tracing your pant seams
and barely touching your shoulder blades
i should have gone in the river that night
i learned to wade in bath water
but feared the drain was full of snakes

i want to wait to give you all my love
but i fear it is too late

you wrecked me by placing a stillness in my blood
my heart hurts as it pumps and pumps
for nothing