it’s amazing how much you think of food
when you don’t have much
stretching out the week
with whatever you have
hot dogs and eggs
food pantry vegetables
and stale bread
quelling my hunger
deliciously

sometimes I take my pulse
to remind myself that I’m alive
I am, I think, but is that living?
is a beating heart the same
as having a life?
thump…thump…thump…thump…

forever settling
happy to have what I could get
a kid in a candy store
only able to see
what was within arm’s reach

the dignity we trade
for survival in life’s jungle
staying in ****** jobs
under under-appreciative management
waking and watching the world
with dispirited eyes
then realizing it’s all our own fault

but everything is temporary
a moment only lasts a moment
and life goes fast
you have to  keep dreaming
REM’s in perpetual motion
blueprints drawing forth
from the back of your mind

o, to find what you love to do
to became the creator
to see in the mirror
the person you want to be
to work hard and
put your life on the line
to soar with masters
of cerulean skies
to want something so bad
it makes you cry

in the fourth grade
his father showed him
******* a man
by breaking his neck
my young friend demonstrated
“first push, then pull”
he got expelled
for unknown reasons
transferred to another school
didn’t see him again
till Jr. High

he didn’t have the grades
to get into my classes
except for P. E.
we enjoyed playing football
and basketball
one time some crazy dude
decided to jump on my back
I cracked him in the head with an elbow
he was dazed and said
“nobody hits me in the ******’ head”
as he staggered and backed down
I heard my friend proudly telling others
about it (hehe)

still the same old bad boy
but he was always cool with me
the things people said about him
stuff he did with a dog
a total lack of respect for women
he got convicted for ******
a seventy year old lady
he says he didn’t do it

part of the crack generation
with all that went with that
dealin’ and usin’s cycle of survival
I heard he got beaten up
nearly to death
and mysteriously dropped off
at E.R.’s door
he says the police did it
strangely
despite his corrupt ways
he was always candid
and seemed honest
it makes me wonder

saw him at Tito’s
getting tacos with his girl
he had cleaned up well
driving a Cadillac
with a Christian crown
in the rear window

ran into him at the corner
the liquor store near my job
that time I saw him
he had been clean for three years
now he was living in that Caddy
with his big brother
back in the alley
he told me he was sick of this ****

caught me up with the boys
who had died
who got sick
who got sick and died
he asked if my car
was in the parking lot everyday
like he was gonna come and find me
I told him not to
he needed to go downtown
get to a shelter
to a program

as I turned to walk away
he called out, “love you”
I turned to face him
still walking towards the car
back peddling
tapping my fist on my heart

knew a guy who robbed a bank
an old ‘friend’ of mine
the kind I don’t hang out with anymore
the crowd I walked away from
he actually got away
and made it home
don’t remember the details
even though I read about it
in the paper
I just know they caught him
and put him away

once watched him
dissolve a pill and cook it
in a bottle cap
then draw it into a syringe
a rubber hose strapped around his bicep
Lord knows where they get
the paraphernalia
slapping his veins to make them pop up
he stuck that needle in his arm
and let the blood flow
back to the syringe
to ensure a good hit
shot up and released the tourniquet
he closed his eyes as in ecstasy
and leaned back
I felt sorry for him
a slave to madness
he asked me if I wanted to try crack
I knew a true friend would never offer
who in their right mind
would want that for anyone else

I saw him recently
after 20 years or so
he must have gotten that 3rd strike
didn’t recognize him at first
then pretended not to know him
those days are gone
forever

she used to sing around the house
songs from the Hit Parade
there was a little transistor radio
slim, dark green with a telescoping antenna
kept on the kitchen windowsill
she would listen to music
singing along while cooking and cleaning
or going solo a Capella
Rosemary Clooney, Della Reece
Frank Sinatra, Andy Williams
Jo Stafford Weston
she told me that when ‘Daddy” was in the hospital
he had his favorites
Don’t You Know and You’ll Never Know
he asked her to sing them again and again
her singing came from a good place
somewhere deep inside her
a place where she could just be herself
apart from life’s responsibilities
far away from the roles of wife
and mother to too many children
leaving behind the frustrations
of carrying on in poverty’s face
if only for the moment it took
to sing a song
she would sing about pyramids and sunrises
about a lady with an enigmatic smile
cheating hearts and when she might fall in love
and we learned all those songs  too
as her hearing worsened
she stopped singing
as if she lost a piece of herself
she’s gone now
but we still have those memories
a musical legacy for her talented children

some days you wrap me up
like a blanket
and smother me with kisses
other days you get to me
cocooning me in an envelope
tossing me to trash

some days you cut me
bleeding me dry
laughing in cynicism
other days you stitch me up
light up the world with your eyes
and heal me with your smile

some days you are my rock
my reason for living
the gemstone in my heart
other days you pick me up
and cast me down
or skip me on the water

it's just the crazy games we play
to keep life interesting
things done in the sun
but every night you rock me, baby
every night we rock

the sun is setting across the pond
silhouetting the tree line
with its golden fire
mirroring on the water
rippling with the wind
seems the catfish are getting big
"I wonder how much
my granddaughter has grown?"
the clouds are scribbled in wisps
no discernable shapes to ponder
such a lonely sky

for Yarrow

the sun rose at dawn
its filtering soft brightness
gradually warming
the coolness of the wee hours
awakening chirping birds
opening morning glories
giving sunflowers focus

the day begins like any other
a stretch
a yawn
a cup o’ joe
a new day’s problems and delights
yesterday’s thoughts lingering
fresh ideas sprouting
in a fertile mind’s garden

but on this day
so many years ago
a child was born
her beauty springing forth
like Venus on a seashell
with the morning’s radiance
emanating from her innocence
and life echoing in her first cry