Believe in what I am told or what I see
This war is bitter and I aspire to be free
Free from these shackles and discrimination
Free from selective elimination
We call our children mistakes so we can free ourselves of responsibility
And our babies are dying in the streets while we accept no liability
Governed by aggression it’s said that only the strong survive
But instead of showing strength we only know hostility
Creating a place where these demons thrive

A Child’s innocence is used for selfish gain
So mommy can get high and feel no pain
A child that knows no love has no true perception of reality
And the system has no love our children are lost on technicality
Now your babies will have babies searching for the love that they lack
They should have had love unconditional
But instead they turn to crack
Because their family has made it traditional
There is nothing like the cries of a neglected child
Mommy is too high to provide
Taught too young to hold it all inside
Poison their minds with ***** little secrets they are forced to hide
Teach them to look for nothing and that’s all you will find
Because that is all that’s left inside

Fill their minds with worldly possessions
Take what you can get despite the moral transgression
Take God out of our schools because money is the new respect
Craving only negative attention
Because of the love they now reject
First born to poverty and aware before their time
Unable to provide life’s necessities
They are pushed towards drug sales and crime
Society will blame this transgression on lack of affection
But really they are affected by lack of direction
No money to feed the hungry and poor
Our inspiration is music, TV, drugs, guns and war
Poor because they have been dominated and oppressed
Look away from those in distress
Push us too regress
Give to those who already have by taking from those who have less
The only way to survive is to ******, hustle and deceive
There is a better way of life
But not a better way to make them believe
A better way to teach us to accept this fate is what they crave
A better way to give us the mentality of a slave
Their methods of birth control created to control the minority
We are now the majority
They are scared to death we have become the priority
Our people born of whips and chains and still left unbroken
Fed our children’s sorrows from which we choke
there are still too many truths left unspoken

I t seems it was my fate to be
Introduced to this addiction
Born by way of bloods descent
Mixed with generations past affliction
I have watched them sink so lowly
Into the depths of selfish little cracks
Like burdens of un-human kind
Carried on their children’s backs

Feeding on the scraps in life
Of those who struggle to survive
They care not for a child’s grief
When their addiction comes alive
It passed me by with sorrowed grins
Longing and obsessed by what it craved
I watch in mourning as your gift
Of any tomorrow was enslaved

You took the food from our mouths
To dine in the belly of the beast
On our tears and misery you fed
Addiction boasted of its feast
All of you just wasted away
Right before our haunted eyes
The depravity of selfish want
No longer wanted its disguise
I left your addiction to starve
Within its bowels I did divest
IT chokes within my bitter heart
While YOUR life he can digest

I am sickened by the display of false fault of the perverse
I won’t fall prey to your depravity or this ****** up family curse
I know it’s lurking round every corner waiting for me to descend
It's the shadow hounding at my feet and the cycle without end

There’s a needle in my hand
And a bottle of gin on the table
I would smoke this entire bag of ****
If my lungs were able
There are lines drawn out across my mirror
begging for my endless attention
There are hundreds of little jagged pills
That laugh at your impending intervention

There is heaven here
In this ecstasy and elation
Making love to all these drugs
Through oral copulation
It’s not any one of these drugs
That gives way to my endless contradiction
I have found that escaping my pain
Is my only true addiction

Your hateful words lash out and cut me open wide
My heart is bleeding an unarmed, gaping laceration
You drink willingly from the drops of blood I’ve cried
I tirelessly try to search your dark eyes for reparation

Your smile let’s me know that you have found pleasure
You want to see me hurt and I have made it all so easy
In my heart your disrespect has been hidden like a treasure
Words of regret come so quick I know it’s to appease me

It is no accident that you are able to drain me of emotion
This pain is all I have ever seen and all that I have known
Without pain there is no understanding of devotion
So much in love with the performance I have deeply grown

You use sorry as a band-aide to patch the deepened scars
I have heard it so so many times throughout the years
Your words have wounded me like the numbers of stars
I see that you have become drunk thirsting for my tears

You play me like the marionette made of strings and bone
I dance around like a fool for you in my steely iron chains
I have a much greater fear of being so desperately alone
That I have erased any memory of strength that remains

The only thing that is missing is the violence in your hands
Although in time those scars will begin to slowly fade away
I much prefer the lasting pain that killing my soul demands
I can hold on much more tightly to the divisive words you say

In my silence you see weakness but I just don’t want to fight
I don’t understand love without pain that cuts me to the core
And while I cry because it still hurts, inside I love the spite
I must love it like no other thing; I keep coming back for more

Shadows creep across the room
And slip quietly into my dreams
This is a world of pain and lies
Where nothing is what it seems

Your cold touch burns my skin
I retreat into the safety of my mind
A wall of blackened nothingness
For my reality to hide behind


I am alone in the dark with my thoughts
But finding security eludes me
I am trying to escape the pain
As a defense that secludes me

Here in the veil of darkness
I don’t have to hide my shame
I am forced to carry your burden
When I am not the one to blame
In your heart the demon lives
And spreads through me like disease
All you know is twisted and sick
And your desire is never pleased

This sickness you have given me
I can’t yet find a way to control
I can only close my heart and retreat
From the light that your hands stole
In my heart of darkness and lies
Is where your secret forever sleeps
With all of the painful memories
The unforgotten blackness keeps

I am grown but still a child, locked away
By your tormented life’s design
Stolen innocence replaced with hate
Your burdens now becoming mine
I once trusted in my protectors
And in the light that stole my eyes
So I wouldn’t have to see the desolation
That only distressed shadow can disguise

Your voice is like the crow of death
But you can’t reach me in this place
No matter how dark my dreams become
I can’t escape, the look set on your face
You were sent to try and break me
By distorting intended loves affection
I won’t let you penetrate my safety
In this place becoming loves rejection

I so desperately tried to hide from you
While laughter below abundantly creeps
The smell of cherry cigars and cheap cologne
Is the smell of death that my heart keeps
The space was never large enough to hide me
It gave way to light never covering my remains
The sound of tears betray me once again
And defeat from you is what my hiding gains
You were so big and strong that my little hands
Were no match for the coming fight
So I retreated into the heart of darkness
And pray for your remorse in mornings light
What gain in such incredible defeat
In the torture of a tiny human soul?
What pleasure in the painful bliss?
Of complete physical and mental control
What unimaginable depths of darkness
In your mind could find its way to me?
What demons control your every move
While my protecting light is has to flee?
I try to make the words come out
But there’s no one to hear my screams
Locked away in the heart of darkness….
Shadows slip quietly into my dreams

My carcass is finally depleted
My heart has been for the last time cheated
I look back on my life with much regret

One divorce come and gone
Because we refused to get along
Nothing left but heartache and debt

In Retrospect I know that I can’t take it back
I would surely give all to regain what I lack
In my own self pity, this is low as I get

One step up and I fall three behind
Nothing to prove and not a companion to find
Just my hard earned tears and sweat

Disappointment amounts in leaps and bounds
Stony hearts built on soiled grounds
Just this whiskey to drink and a broken cigarette

I may possibly give up and let it all go
As closer to this abandoned grave I grow
The reaper comes collecting a lost bet

I’ve learned and loved and compensated the cost
I’ve been to the depths of pain when all was lost
And played my life like Russian roulette

One bullet in and five rounds spent
Borrowed too much to pay back what was lent
The emptiest soul you never met

My hands are shabby and labored to the bone
Ready to give back this life that’s on loan
An unoccupied shell of a broken silhouette

How vast and deep the oceans of my heart,
My story holds great storms in winds of revelation
And yet you still love me with open arms
A generous smile and very little hesitation
I would give my very soul if I could
Only learn to love the way you do
I would give in gently to your demands of truth
If you could stop trying to fight your way through

Into to the depths of ocean floors
The sleeping blackness that hides leviathan eyes
Holds monsters unknown of great despair
That the stormy waters can only disguise
A beautifully deadly creature
Moves with grace and ease
Holding to you with venomous words
That your open arms could never appease

I would use the clouds like devious cover
Moving in and out of your mind as a stealth
I would use the salty air that rusts my steely emotions
To ravage your emotional and mental health

This life has been a graveyard of great sunken vessels and ships
This is the place where they go to die beneath waters that eclipse
The stench of death carries to the predators of the waves
The darkness with its blackened eyes retrieves the souls it craves

Far beneath the waters brink of madness
I look up to the shimmering light that dances
If I could only breathe right now Like I do in your arms
I would let my love surface and take my chances
The emotions run deep in treacherous waters
Who can control the flowing tides?
If I used your affection to calm the imminent storms
Would you forgive me for the hate that it hides?

I built this ocean with tears of my past
And before I knew it, everything around me was sinking
I know you’re going to tell me you want me forever
And I know everything you don’t say, that you are thinking
I wish that I could love as openly as your arms are wide
I just don’t have what your heart and soul would require
I am destined to sail this ocean on the winds and waves
I can’t live within the boundaries of your heart’s desire

I was born with a taste for freedom and salty kisses on my lips
Your kisses as sweet as your arms are open, deserving much more
But my heart is as desolated and empty as this ghostly ship
That accidently washed up on your shore

She is standing at the door
of a new home the state provided
From place to place they throw her
wherever budget has decided
Too much, too little, too quiet,
too honest, she talks too loud
Too messy, too mouthy, too unfocused
And her head whithin a cloud

I am sure she looks pretty pitiful
in her hand me down clothes
Trying to look presentable
to every new home she goes
I hope they aren’t mean
and definitely not too nice
I thought my new dad was just friendly
and for that misjudgement I paid a price

Of course no one believes
the mouthy child who always lies
Just making the story sound better
too much pain to disguise
She is just a little girl lost
and her lies scream out for attention
Forget the bruises and lack of food
that she forgot to mention

No one really wants to know
what I saw or what my daddy does
No one wants to hear about mommy's drugs
what she was doing or where I was
Like little slaves to the strangers
with rules sitting high and looking low
It’s not like we can go complain
there’s nowhere else for us to go

New schools and no friends
walk the halls, eyes to the floor
In a few weeks it starts again
friends don’t matter anymore
They point and whisper with cruel intent
because someone heard your tale
Of the kid that no one wanted,
which is pitifully dressed and frail

Children can be so cruelly misinformed
at times such as this
But I am just a nameless face
that no one will even miss
I stopped unpacking my suit case
so many months ago
No matter how the time goes by
my belongings never grow

A few outfits, a few pictures
and a book to write a thought
A few mementos from home
and a unicorn that my mom bought
Anything more is just a waste of time
and not worth all the fight
Of remembering what you leave behind
when they take you in the night

No one wants to face the tears
of the child you’re throwing away
Maybe it was harder to look
at their mirrors in the light of day
70 homes in 5 long years some with love
and some without a word
Some were nice and some paid a price
for the little girl left unheard

I spent my life with the sorrowed looks
of those who knew my world
And many times I heard the phrase
such a lost and lonely little girl
My mother filled her world with drugs and men
I paid the highest cost
In the end I gained my heart and soul
then found everything she lost

I grew up, took my head from the clouds
and put my feet on the ground
Went searching for the little girl I lost
and love the woman that I found

The field beckons no cries that a whip hasn’t already heard
Life and death on the brink, summer heat uttered not word
Blissful humming in one voice heard throughout the land
On the backs of broken dreams with thistles in their hands
Master’s porch holds children’s comfort, lemonade and smiles
Children to slaves dig their own graves in fields that grow for miles
Created food and comfort for the soul as family gathered around
Labored through the bitter day and in a family comfort found
Moments of peace in heartfelt joy in her sleeping quarters lie
Master visits without reprieve where a woman’s body will die
Her house a vessel of pain and her husband’s pride dissolved
The child born of lightened complexions and a mystery resolved
Her love not lessened for her child or by victim of circumstance
A child born under this slavery’s curse never stood a chance
The lineage of the slave’s blood only requires one single drop
Through centuries of prejudice that still never cease to stop
Taught to shame the hue of a whips detaching and broken skin
Forced to fight for freedoms sake a war we’ll never win
The master’s house hidden now, the sheets remaining white
The burning cross still cries of loss while they hate into the night
The years of past still holding fast and slavery yet abound
Where presidents dwell and shadows fell this prejudice still found
Held by man as less than human, now the future of a nation
Ignorance lies where evil hides but we are all of God’s creations

Capital gains where no love remains
Welcome to the street
Innocence withstanding life’s pains
Life seeks out defeat

Old souls born to young men to carry
The weight of hate
Lifeless bodies amassed in crack houses
Death won’t wait

A state of emergency is a nightly feat
Selling your soul to shine
Smiles mask the cycle of dysfunction
Trying to hold what’s mine

Hold the truth; hold a lie, anything at all
Faith is all I contain
Steal our hearts but not our minds light
All that can remain

Wailing sirens mimic the angel’s tears
Crying into the night
A gun’s cold embrace lacks regret once more
No bullet can you fight

Babies aware of darkness before their time
Hopelessness abound
Needle tracks and broken glass pipes
Blindness is found

In love with a the stench of it all, I stay
Can’t leave just yet
I want to pour out my soul and spread light
Held to my regret

I resolve myself to the hazy visions
That my mind won’t let me recollect
The idea that I have suffered through
This violation, my mind wants to reject

The expanse of darkness is deep
As my emotions of pain are wide
I fear my conscious would resign
If this heinous act I did not hide

I push it to the forgotten depths
Where the evil in me, now sleeps
I am determined to chain it there
Cleaving to the defiant beast it keeps

I wish to purge this pestilence in me
That secretly grows strong in my mind
I am forever probing for the stillness
Of emotional health I cannot find

Like a thief this monster steals me
Drags me lifeless into the night
Leaves me comatose with fear
I am powerless and without flight

I can only retreat into the blackness
Escaping the fate of my despair
I am drowning in my own anxiety
My reality is now far beyond repair

The disfigurement of my past hidden
By the mask of a smile left engraved
My road to hell filled with good intent
With my blood & tears it’s been paved

My waking hours are filled with space
Denying me the comfort of disregard
And into the night as the sun creeps
My soul is now and forever scarred

Baby girl, with your head in your hands on the edge of the bed
Your body is so precious but you easily give it away
Your search for love so incredibly lost and desperate
The feeling is a fleeting moment that never seems to stay

I want so much to hold you and tell you what your worth
You are far above this world’s diamonds and gold
I can’t seem to reach you though
Locked away in the darkened cold

The strangers never give you what you really need
The touch never can quench your searching thirst
So alone and needing some release
Your razor smiling back at you …. Does its worst

Your mother’s love abandoned you and sold you to the streets
So many men who left your body torn and abused
Your little soul is crying out for help
From all of the empty substances you used

The little girl who ran away
And left her fate to chance
Living on the streets of pain
To chase the devils dance

I pray that there is mercy in your death
For now your pain has ended
There is peace for you my friend
I pray your soul is mended

The final dance is the loneliest
As you say your last goodbyes
More precious than all diamonds and gold
Finds her peace in soul’s demise

The streets of the city held no peace this night
The alleys held the smell of execution
The lingering taste of gun powder filled the air
And a bullet’s mark which held no retribution

There is a somber atmosphere where
Death and life hold a cold thickend embrace
A twisted love affair of tainted blood
Held an angel fallen from silenced grace

I saw her little feet looking so blue and cold
From behind the trash just beyond the bin
What a frightening sound within this quiet night
From the state of shock my heart was in

She was only eight years old with many dreams
Living on what her drug filled mom provided
This ghetto, project housing filled with pain
A spiritual war contains heaven and hell collided

She had been missing for only a few short hours
Not that her mom would have known or seen
She was high on the feeling that pipe would give
Empty hunger bought a life she didn't mean

The man drug her to that alley ***** and killed her
Where the city goes to die but never sleeps
Now lays silent an innocent angel of lost humanity
That her deadly silence now and forever keeps

I will never forget her little feet so vacant and bare
I wanted to cover her, wondering if she was cold
I wondered if her mother knew that day
It was her daughter’s precious life she sold

I can’t fathom the mind of a person hurting a child
These memories I carry have no consolation
A man with a demon on his back together, working
In their grizzly thoughts of premeditation

I was only a passerby of the alley that chilled night
I never knew her name, I never saw her face
I only saw her wings upon the building
As she left this cold and heartless place

The city streets call me by my name and I feel myself transforming
The summers sweat and beasts regret, I ******* blood is warming
Ghost of past and wicked outcasts, like locusts they come swarming
Shrieking winds rest, in clouds possessed keep winters tears from balling
These city streets know my name, I show no shame and I can hear them calling

The wolf is preying, sneaky shadows conveying from depths of the city’s bowels
The angels fleeing, to avoid seeing the stench of wolf’s breath as he growls
Beneath your skin he slithers, the sun it slowly withers, closer now he howls
Virus catches the lowly, disease creeps so slowly across the urban sprawling
These city streets know me by my name, I like this game, I can hear them calling

Death is on madness brinks, the psychosis it stinks and night is now unveiling
The angel’s morn while bodies torn and I can hear their blaring sirens wailing
Casualty in scales bring sin’s costly sales and the blinded fatality is unfailing
Rumors of sinister presence known, the evil grown into darkness’ eyes entailing
Immortal screams and failed daylight dreams, the devoured come a crawling
The city knows me by name we are one in the same and I can hear her calling

With my control now at bay, I can hear her say; your strength in my grasp is declining
I overlook restless streets, my heart lifts as it beats and in this moment time defining
Pavement becomes crowded ominous thoughts shrouded; captured by the golden lining
Promise of my own demise, lost in heathen’s rise and her blood soaked teeth are shining
She calls to me like a lover’s touch, entwined in lust, so much in love and I am now falling
These city streets know me by name, we are one in the same and I run to her when she comes calling

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

Also from experience but through revelation
The heart of a man can hold great devastation
A man gone wrong can drain the soul of another,
Contaminate the soul of a mother
And change the mind of a child
Hate in daddies eyes, as the baby cries….
The Devil sat back and smiled
This morning the news said our future looks bleak,
No one can find what they seek
And I thank God that I know love
What chaotic life can be made when hearts of stone have been laid……..
As a foundation for our youth, and the children we dispose of
Our children are dying but our mothers aren’t crying
Because they are the cause of the needless pain
The children are misused and their bodies abused
And really it’s all in vain
The sickness within has spread like disease
and infected the general population
Now these children are grown and the seeds have been sown to carry on a mental devastation
Rumors of wars and personal vendettas in store from the people who lead you to hell
The path is narrow but the gates are wide
and my soul is not for sell
They say money is the root of all evil…… but really it’s the hands that exchange
The TV says *** sells and to look towards fame and glory… that’s not my story
And I am starting to think I have been short changed
The TV sells lies that are cleverly disguised
and I worry about my child’s perception
In the mind of a child is the twisted reality
of this world’s perverse deception
I wish I could cry but my emotions are dry….. I have been desensitized
And every time I turn on this **** TV… the chaos… has me mesmerized
I want to know what happens next, my mind is oversexed
and I am being told I need a drink
I used to believe it was easier to just get blowed….I didn’t have the energy to think
Well there’s a pill for every ill and a drug
for every memory I would like to erase
I wonder sometimes, while I am forced to commit crimes
if one day I will be free from this place
But my child has to eat and I won’t accept defeat……. I am also on the paper chase
I have hope still that the people’s free will can lead them to seek God’s face
Hope in a hopeless world is a danger all in itself
Passion, Empathy, Loyalty and Love
Exchanged in the place of wealth

While I grow older, heart’s of men grow colder
But I understand….the weight of the world can be profound!
If I could cry for the pain of the world,
By now I surely would have drowned
There is no true relief from this constant disbelief,
My head to the sky and my feet on the ground
I hope my daughter knows love and I am forgiven for my ultimate sin
Taking another life to avoid this world’s strife
And escape the hearts of men

Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. Psalm 146:3

When the lights go out and darkness falls
My anxiety begins to rise
When the demon creeps into your flesh and crawls
Into my souls demise

When the makeup fades what bruises can not hide
I fall into a trap
When the urge to release the pain you hold inside
There was salvation in that strap

When I hear the baby cry out in pain for appease
The door is always closed
You hold a sickness that is never pleased
My weakness is exposed

When the whispers of your secrets pass me by
My fears forever remain
When the tears I am forced to cry
Keep unheard screams in vain

When the waking pain is far less than my dreams
Where you reign in terror
When the truth is never what it seems
For the father of lies you are the bearer

When the smell of cheap cigars can’t mask
The smell of scotch and water
I keep the secrets of a man who would ask
To bare the sins visited on his daughter

Vengeance is for God to have, But today I lay religion down to rest
The demon in my mind has been relentless, whispering at my behest
He has been in his cage far too long, he is unyieldingly repressed
I not only want to free him, I want to put his imagination to the test

My mind's eye dark and searching, the corners of my sinister mind
I have now become your worst fear and mine devils intertwined
My mental and emotional state, has made the inhumanity refined
I hate how you made me long for your pain, I am now your kind

Your flesh is but a canvas and your screams will be to no avail
You’re now mine, your soul will beg for mercy on the grandest scale
I will assault your every sense, leaving no minute detail
Until your body is lying lifeless, pointless, broken and frail

I will take my time to revive you, bringing you back to my device
There will be no amount of pain I inflict, that my heart will suffice
Before I am done with your miserable existence, infliction so precise
I will nourish every animalistic desire,until we felt you paid the price

You have uprooted in my heart an evil, that cannot be undone
The angel of death is upon you waiting, your suffering just begun
There is a special place in hell for you and I want you to see it
And if I burn with you for my revenge, then I say so be it

Taking your pride, shoving it down your throat with my baron hands
all that I can taste right now, what the voice in my head demands
For you there is no more wasted life, your breath will let you endure
And there is no second thought behind my vengeance, my hate is pure

With deeds now done and lifeless you lay
At my feet, which death did not show haste
A smile without tears did appease my lust
For your soul and blood that I did taste

I have heard in far of places, where evil men do dwell
That in this place, there is no light in shadows spell
They are filled with hate and ordained, to walk the path alone
Their tears are dry, they cannot cry and hearts are made of stone

The heart of a man is stonier than where love refuses to grow
Where time is a word of fate, exchanging tears for blood to flow
Carnage in destructions belly, monsters of burden take to air
With gnashing teeth and jagged claws, you cry out in despair

To be trapped within a web of lies, hope that depletes your soul
They grin with fangs of blood and gore and discern no self control
Your children’s smiles feed the gluttony, of love’s casual distain
Wicked unimagined pain; brief satisfaction is what they gain
So out to hunt again, their belly’s worn from gravel and slither
They drain the world of faith, while the sun commences to wither
Angels grounded devoid of flight; heats of hell seared their wings
The birds of night taken flight, from darkness abyss as banshee sings
People are blinded by phantoms smoke, cursed as walking dead
They walk with sin right next to them, on streets all paved in red
Bones of victims piled in heaps; while hunting vultures circle round
Ghosts of martyred blameless souls concealed within the ground
The earth struggles to purge itself of human infestation
Quakes, storms and inferno’s flames since dawn of mans creation
The devil strides, with jokers grin and gloats sincere admiration
Knowing the ****** hearts in evil men is beyond all restoration
The world is sick, no cure in sight we breed like pox and boils
Contamination of humanity rinks the fleshy earth rots and spoils
The ocean leaps and bounds trying to soothingly lick the sores
This far off place where evil men dwell finally washed up on our shores

I saw grandpa with hate for the world within his hands
I saw him use those weapons as vice for sick commands
I saw him numb our world with what substance expands
But I never saw him show love that being a man demands

I saw my grandma leave her babies to hands distained
I saw her drink, lie, use men and leave her children drained
I saw her check out of life till nothing of her heart or soul remained
I never saw what love a grandmother’s heart should’ve contained

I watched my mother cry out in the night screaming in a sweat
From all the things her father did that she won’t soon forget
I watched her choose a man who did the same to us in her regret
I never saw her in so much pain as when she found I paid her debt

I watched my mother struggle with nothing for us to provide
I watched her wear the makeup and smiles bruises rarely hide
I watched her sleep with a needle in her arm devoid of pride
I never saw her live where peace and forgiveness could reside

I watched my mother drown her pain with any remedy but no relief
I watched her die inside out filled with bottomless aching grief
I watched her take our lives in one night, they came like a thief
But I never saw her face past regret with so much disbelief

I watched my dad sell his soul along with his needles and dope
I watched him drown in alcohol as a way to forget and cope
I watched him beat my mother an inch from life’s grand scope
I never saw in his eyes a glimpse of regret, love or hope

I watched him come into our room and steal our happiness nightly
I watched him lose his mental grasp that he once held so tightly
I watched him suffer in his own pain that he deserved so rightly
But I never saw any remorse as the the tears fell so lightly

I watched my aunts and uncles abuse, treated as their mother
I watched them transfer hatred easily from themselves to another
I watched them abuse their own children beyond all recover
But I never saw them be real family and try to heal one another

I watched my cousins repeat a cycle of the abuse and drugs they hate
I watched them live their lives as darkness, in lies they perpetuate
I watched them turn into their mothers and fathers, bearing all their weight
But I never saw them fight to change it, left such ill begotten fate

I watched my baby sister cry out while she was ***** and abused
I watched her deteriorate as a child from all of the drugs she used
I watched her lie there desperately broken, battered and bruised
But I never saw her give up on life from the despair that she refused

I watched my brother as a child, to the abuse as he confessed
I watched him try and explain in words the pain which he possessed
I watched him fight with all he had and any touch he did detest
I never saw him in so much turmoil as the night which he digressed

I watched my brother quietly sink into the deepest self depression
I watched him hurt anyone within his grasp, pent up past aggression
I watched him **** himself with a deep sadness and a guns possession
But I never saw him hurt again after that single shells transgression

I was forced to walk this life unaided and scared
I was given a golden ticket out unforeseen
I never saw my family like they really were
I remained somewhere in between
From home to home I drifted misplaced
On my own since before I turned thirteen
I used to think that I was cursed to be alone
To live this life always broken and unseen
Torn away from all that I had known
I never saw just what all of this would mean
Now I know how a perceived past was reversed
My life was being reshaped and heart wiped clean
To not have grown to repeat the family cycle
Of everything I lived and what my eyes had seen

Matthew 24:12
Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold

As I grow older, the world grows colder and my sins become well defined
With the world on my shoulders, my hate is bolder, my soul is now confined
My lips speak free lies, paid by deceit I despise, in death I have found delight
I’m behind my soul’s arise and wicked don’t disguise their darkness in the light
My worldly ways relate but my thoughts won’t debate my ailing mental health
Poverty won’t wait; man’s tongue filled with hate and devoid of all real wealth
Seeking signs of being freed, something we cannot be, reaping the pain we sow
My wants exceed because my desires cannot see there’s no more room to grow
My cold heart is dying, my eyes no longer crying because I feel no more pain
I am intrigued by the lying while consumers are buying and nothing do they gain

If I gain the world and lose my soul, then I have gained nothing in the end
My selfishness vast and out of control, It is my modesty that I cannot mend
This world is wicked and taking a toll, to my dissolving sanity it cannot lend
Society becoming the blackened hole that blind science can no longer defend
With blood on our hands justice is a goal in which power and money can bend
It wasn’t my innocence that they stole but the dreams which my demons attend
Missing my discernment, I’m no longer whole to the depths of despair I Descend

Amassed guilt in pounds
Built on unfertile grounds
Shame is my tether to years

Feeding off of the belief
That faith brings relief
Helps me avoid the fears

The poor of heart abound
Where the wicked are found
Lost in the youth of my peers

I have found my despair in life
Admitting I can’t avoid strife
I only wish I could find my tears

Isaiah 59:3
For your hands are stained with blood, your fingers with guilt. Your lips have spoken falsely, and your tongue mutters wicked things.

The wind plays a crying song that secretly calls my name
It pulls at my heavy heart with sadness like it knows
That I am lost in the wilderness of this life unintended
Bound to the four corners from which the wind blows

The melody is enchanting as it calls me from my sleep
I hear my ancestors dancing for falling rain in my dreams
I am praying for the rain that washes away my tears
As the garments of old come apart at the delicate seams

In my heart I paint pictures of what my life would be
If I had been born to my own people in the distant past
I am stuck here in this never ending struggle to live a life
Where the pain and strife of day to day is all that lasts

They whisper secrets in my slumber and hold me to the pain
I cut my faith and watch it bleed, now wounded by my pride
I stitch my hope with patches of trepidation and forgiveness
Because I will die tonight if I have to hold it all inside

The blood of my past is coursing through my veins
They understand my soul is weary from this fight
I pray I don’t have to awake from my peace of mind
My reflection a prism within the darkness and the light

As for the dreams that dance between the brink of life
I hold tightly to the song that reminds me this is not the end
I pray that I never forget where I have been in this journey
A song carried on the souls of old I hear whisper in the wind