Filthy, ragged, broken, and torn
The world has ravaged and stolen the little girl
And in her place is only a body without a soul
Heart of stone and anger brewing
Fighting the world to protect what has already been pillaged
Fueled by painful passionate fire of hate
Hate for the women who degraded her beauty
Hate for the mentors that belittled her being
Hate for the men that ***** and stolen her purity
There is one who didn't see her as damaged and ruined
He took her in and embraced her completely
All the venomous words, attacks, and blaming
He took them all so she could remember and know that she is lovely
Softening her hardened heart
Restoring the light in her darkened life
Continually speaking words of life and affirming
Slowly ridding her of the hurts and lies of insecurity
He took the ashes of her past and replaced it with her rightful crown of beauty.

Today I looked in the mirror and realized,
I am not the person I think I am.
I am not the person I've always wanted to be.
I am not the person that I know I seem to be.
Then who am I?
I'm the one who puts my dreams off for tomorrow.
I'm the one who is so busy focusing on yesterdays sorrow.
I'm the friend that wants to be seen as selfless,
when in reality I am selfish.
I'm the friend that wants to be trusted and relied on,
when in reality I'm the one you shouldn't trust at all.
I can barely stand on my own two feet let alone hear about your agony.
Comfort is what I promise to give in your time of need,
in return I gain frustration, disdain, and hate for your somewhat pitiful situations.
In the end,
I have dreams, but lack aspirations.
I have hurts, but lack the will to overcome them.
In the end,
I have no individual identity, but live vicariously through my "friends".

Hello there friend, we finally see each other again.
You look a lot like the boy I use to know the boy I grew up with.
Yet, here we are reunited and it doesn't quite feel like it.
Is it really you?
The little boy that befriended me and defended me
The little boy that taught me how to catch crickets and roaches
Is it really you?
That smile that use to brighten my day, now gets my heart flustered.
That great burst of laughter, now a low sultry chuckle.
Is it really you?
You were the one I ran to when I no longer knew how to think
You were the one I ran to when he took my voice and I could no longer speak
Is it really you?
Now, when I'm around you I can hardly breathe
Now, when I'm near you at times I feel light headed and dizzy
If I can't be me when you're around what can I do?
If I can't be me when you're around who can I go to, to figure it all out?

needing wanting
sighing trying
lusting trusting
denying lying
throbbing sobbing
hating suspecting
loving regretting
leaving ....
.... never forgetting

The music, the rhythm, the beat
It moves me it soothes me
The lyrics consume me
Their hurt their pain
Their joy their life

No longer someone else' expression
For that moment they become mine

I am that soulful singer mourning over lost love
I am that rapper fighting the daily grind
I am them and they are me
For that moment I can release all that worries me
To simply exist and be apart of another beings reality.

I saw you today with your new wife on the side
And your new daughter I guess she looks about five.
Did you upgrade from the life you threw aside
And the wife and three kids you left behind?
Have you finally found your happiness?
Are you enjoying the path you've chosen?
I truly hope that you are.
I'd hate to think that you made me hurt and bleed
for absolutely nothing.
But, know that for each laugh you've gained since we last met
They were paid for with each tear that I had shed asking myself why was I not enough?
Why am I not the daughter my father can love?
Am I not worth fighting for?
Am I not worth protecting?
All these questions keep projecting and formulating in my mind.
As I look for these answers wherever I can
Yet, the one man that can doesn't care,
Doesn't give a ****.
You promised to love me,
YOU promised to walk out my future with me.
Talks of seeing my graduation and giving my hand in marriage.
Were these all lies and falsehoods?
Was that my first real life lesson that all men are liars and crooks?
That may not have been your purpose or intention,
but you can bet I won't let another man leave me or treat me like **** again.
Thanks again for the life lesson.