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Debra Zebra Feb 2016
I sat still - motionless as you spoke
I felt the numbness - the warm tears as I choked
I couldn't explain the stop of time - it was still
My head exploded; it felt like a drilled
I should consider taking a pill
No wait, don't take too many, it may ****

You were screaming; but stopped at a quieter tone
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, it was interrupted by the phone
Did you just admit to an affair?
I don't believe it, when is life ever fair?

You explained to me that you never meant to hurt
What do I do?  Do I call you a ****?
Who does this to a woman they love?
You try to hammer home that through all this, there was love

You talked about this relationship you had ..
She claims it was for more than a year
You talked of the excitement ... of feeling like a boy
She claims she love you and wanted to be your *** toy
I asked if you loved her and you no or maybe you don't know
But in that same line you admitted, she said "say it", and you did as you moved slow
You said you are one that can say "I love you" and not mean it
It makes me cringe at the thought, I no longer want to hear it
Because you are the type that plays it and still want to hear it

You talked about your break up and the way you were shuck-up
I asked it there is any possibility that you and her would make-up
You said you thought about it and you never wanted more than ***
But your actions are contrary after I saw the 44.5MB of text

Who are you kidding - me?  or yourself?
You are emotionally involved and you can not see beyond it
The investment of months ...there were more that twelve
The eager anticipation, the truck-****, the ego stroke
Why do you not feel guilty of what was taken from me?
Am I going crazy or is this your narcissistic entitlement?
I am eager to set you free, let's move forward with a settlement

If it is not bad enough that you played us for a year
I am now looking for reasons to eat away your fear
Who shacks up with a woman who has three kids
When you own kid is thirty at home, she needs help from a shrink
When asked what she wanted - her answer was overwhelming to connect with her Dad
But all you ever do when you are around is make us sad

After 21 years of marriage - I discovered on Christmas Eve that my husband lied for a year  - he was having an affair!
I watched in despair as he presented a list of my blunder
All I can think of is, I've been living with an imposter
Who does this to a woman and then tell her that they love her?
Are you bunkers or crazy - or is this your plot to destroy her?

The reflections were horrible
You inviting her, her husband and 3  children to our home was terrible
Who brings infidelity in a home and wraps it as a special guest
As you watched your wife run around to feed the guest
You praise yourself as the champion in the work place
You think you are the trophy Dad, but you complete your duty with distaste
I sat with counsellor and hear you talk about our space
There were mention of ***, as you explain in bad taste
We had *** 14 times in 2014
As you justified your needs of 2015

Was it my struggle with cancer
I will never know what is the clear answer
I have since asked myself a million times
What did I do to make you feel I deserve all your lies
I was busy being mom and filling the blanks of your empty space
I ran around cutting the grass, cooking the food and driving our kid all in good grace
You said, you were stressed and need space
I did all I can to make sense of our emotional maze.
After 21 years of marriage - I discovered on Christmas Eve that my husband lied for a year  - he was having an affair
Nov 2015 · 380
The Prayers
Debra Zebra Nov 2015
I look into your eyes
I see them answered
The streak of
Calmness that brings me down to earth
I miss your smell
I miss your care
I miss your touch
I miss your love
I want it back; but it's pretty clear
Your trips abroad left me in despair
Why do you leave me a stupid card about dispersion and about love?
I want to hear you say it; so I can remember
Nov 2015 · 311
Haunted by Love
Debra Zebra Nov 2015
Is it possible that your soulmate can find you and then leave?
Leave because you lack the courage
The courage to leave one life
For a fulfilment of your soul

Is it possible?
for me to love you
Love all of you
Love all your perfect imperfection

I am haunted by you
It has been two years of
Trying to forget you
I hear your voice
I see you in my dreams
I miss your touch
I miss your love

You are So alive on my memory
I see you before I fall asleep
You are the first thing I think of when I awake
I search for you in the mass of
Crowd every day
I pray to see you, get the chance to tell you ... Again ... How much I love

There are days I search for comfort
I need to stop my heart - it bleeds
I search for angels at these times
I desperately need my heart to heal

I am ready to take that journey with you.  I love you!!  
I need our spiritual soulmate relationship to complete me.

I call upon the Angel of Harmony
I am guessing you are somewhere above
Please open the hearts of everyone involved
I am trusting that arguments and conflicts are being resolved.

— The End —