Who will offer strength, when my existence leaves me stunned, 
and weak
I hope my mind astute enough, to realize the truth I seek
God gave me the blessing of this life and many, far beyond
I sent out a silent prayer, I prayed that God would so respond 
You see... I’ve just lost track of time, and all the years have now unfurled
I find myself ambiguous, confined within this troubled world
I conveyed that mental prayer, and asked “Oh Lord what shall I do?”
God extended tenderness, and so His grace led me…
to you

And thus gave me the answer, the one I’d sought... and for so long
That there is so much right in life, when crying eyes saw only wrong
A life now filled... unbridled hope, and God’s love tends to this
Eternity just lying there, where God and I can coexist 
Relinquishing my spirit, soul… and all conceived, all that I am
To find the thoughts believed unreal, survive inside this heart of man
But I am forced to supplication... and as such I
watch, and wait
For eventide's sweet gentle motion of sleep’s dark, 
and silent gate…

For you see,
I sent out a silent prayer...

Dean Evans
12-21-13
(revised and re-named 
12-18-14)

Listen to me children, to the tale I now recite
There are strangers in the dark, within the cold embracing night
They watch you as you walk along , there...
standing out of sight
To take away your happiness, and steal from you your soul outright
And though you may believe that I am leading you astray
Believe me when I tell you that they stand in silent, silver gray
Mirroring your every move to slowly rip your faith away
To leave you lost in turmoil, and the things these words cannot convey

Demented thoughts will haunt your mind, and so your heart as well
In the midst of what you once believed that Heaven would foretell
Insanity has found it’s way into your thoughts and there will dwell
You find your name upon the list of lost, and lonely clientèle
Nothing to perhaps remind you what has left you here, forlorn
Thoughts that now belie your mind, it’s madness now that does adorn
Your hollow faith in grace of God, upon remote and golden borne
Turn away my friends... before the lowest point of no return

Perhaps my thoughts misguided, mistaken, incorrect
It’s possible that I may be the only one with hope subject
I tell you this please understand, I do so now with all respect
I feel I must impart these warnings, heed my words without neglect
For if you do I fear that you may fall into the cold abyss
To find you are forever lost, your dreams of Heaven hence dismissed
Hell may call you out, and you will find that you cannot resist
Sleep eludes me yet again, and so my thoughts of fate persist

So listen to me please my child, I have not left the time
To tell you how things sadly are within the realm of my decline
Forgotten now are days of light, far lost inside a troubled mind
These feelings that cannot be felt among the words of dreary rhyme
It seems that now it’s much too late for me to warn you what is there
I wonder if the days ahead will find you still so doctrinaire
I beseech you do not follow me, to leave you with unanswered prayer
I leave behind my footprints...
in the burning sands of my despair...

Dean Evans
5/ 13/ 14

In the winter of my mind  
The leafless branches of my existence
Bend to the cold wind of self, and you are there
To be the fresh gentle snow
That falls upon my every thought
To cover the cold and dark ground of my life
With a soft white blanket of contentment,
Blocking out the harsh and killing winds of thought,
That keep me frozen here...
Without you.

In spring, you are the sunshine
To let my mind be warm, and the beauty of your scent
And the flowers that your heart creates
Allow me to grow in ways not thought of
But so clear
As clear as the deep blue of your eyes
And the clear spring sky
That follows me.

Into the summer of dreams, and rain
Where you protect me from the heat of anger
The rain of tears
The thunder of a life in turmoil
Instead , you give to me endless days of summer breezes
And soft sunsets  
To shining stars and nights with you
And the sky is full
I fall to sleep peacefully.

Autumn of the mind is filled with color
The color of your eyes, of your hair, and your smile
I see in you the beauty of living
Not the coming of a cold winter of being alone
I find you are the pale blue light of a full moon
You stop the promise of darkness
And fill the days with the light of your love
Of your brightness
And of spirit.

The seasons of my life are filled with you
And allow my mind to look through the sadness
Away from the pain
And give to me a quiet knowledge
That you are near me
And take from my heart, the thought of  
The seasons of loneliness
Should you be gone.

Dean Evans
9-27-07

Every now and then I want to throw it all away
I fear my heart may burst, within the cold cruel light of day
The thought of you at times will leave my thoughts in disarray
Then somewhere on the wind your scent, Ah, soft and sweet bouquet
Perhaps my hope has witnessed restless memories depart
My mind left not in soft repose, your essence to impart
These visions ****** upon my mind such lovely, painful art
So that now, I know not how, my love lies torn apart

Remembering the way things were in the years that fate applied
Powerless, in dreams of you as love and loss collide
Deep within the darkness, where my memories reside
I implore my heart to answer me, my heart has not replied
And then I see you as you were, when you and I were one
Alone I lie, though in my mind the reasons come undone
Questions find no answers, though I search them one by one
My thoughts of you then forced into the loneliness of dawn

The tears, that fall in pairs are just as lonely as before
When last my heart deluged my eyes, to drop a thousand more
They fall together gracefully, and as I close the door
They lie in silent pools of broken glass upon my floor
In torn and tattered memories I dream I hear your voice
I struggle to survive those things insanity employs
Then rise to greet another setting sun, though not by choice
My hope is lost within the feelings hopeless now enjoys

I wonder when I’ll reach my lowest point of no return
To find the charred remains where love and happiness were burned
Ashes of my heart were scattered, as each season turned
Thoughts were disassembled, my mind unable to discern
And so my soul has witnessed restless memories depart
To leave my mind unable to begin again, to start
To believe in love again, or so at least in part
So that I, may know just why ...I’m Helpless...
to your heart.

Dean Evans
5-2-14

Sometimes in the early morning, rising from my bed
I hear a distant, silent sound, a voice inside my head
But wake to empty rooms again, and loneliness instead
I know the echoes in my mind, are things that you have said...
I have a sense of years ago, but know those years are gone
Remembering the things we shared, and all the things we’ve done
The dreams begin at night, but in the morning I’m alone
Another piece within sorrow’s collection, that I own...

And though I seek relief from this, to ease the mental strain
Each morning finds me waiting here, a prisoner to the pain
So on I travel through my days, till evening comes again
No one sees the tears I shed, released within the rain...
Now and then I wake to unheard voices in my head
Lying in the changing light uneasy in my bed
It feels like rain again, although the sky is blue instead
The memories that come back to me,
Are things that you have said  

Dean Evans...
11-13-13

Old friends are gone and others leaving
I stay... attempt to comfort grieving
And think of times we laughed in jest
It seems I block out all the rest
The days spent, lost those joyous rare
And if I try to dream them there
It doesn't bring me heartless pain
That sudden consciousness again

Lucky to have known at all
Our seasons spent into the fall
The promise winter makes to me
Cold winds remind of "used to be"
The summer days we played our games
But now I go and read the names
Of friends who hold me in their dash
Dust to dust... Ash to ash...

For I must be upon this earth
To find those things, for what it's worth
I know there is a plan.. to be
That God has kept concealed from me
It's written on the wind, they say
Can I endure another day ?
The loneliness of days released
For friends, and friendship do not cease

I stand as windows sentry now
For someone stopping by, but how
I guess I'll have to go to them
The years shall pass.. I question when
When will God decide to take me
Not to leave me.. not forsake me..
In sorrow's cruel unhappiness
For all those lost, and it's loneliness

I'll ponder as the ages pass
Plant new flowers in the grass
And though I'll shed a million tears
I'll sit and wait throughout the years
I feel that I will be the last
Believing... dreaming of the past
But gifted, if I am... or cursed
I fear the years to come the worst

I've realized , I'll still be here
Hope lost in those final years
After all have gone to be
With Heaven that is kept...
from me
I may have only lost my way
Perhaps I've missed my fateful day
If death has called, I wasn't near
Now I stand throughout the years

But I am sure someday day , I'll go
Like all loved ones, and friends I know
He makes me wait and there is time
What's gone in me is lost,
in mind...
Immortal?.. no...I'll live my life
But see my children... friends,
my wife...
All leave this earth, before I do
That is my curse.. the loss,
of you..

But I must do, what I must do
Be there...
I'll catch up to you.........

Dean Evans
2-24-07
(REvised 8-29-14)

It seems that now, I've wandered far away from what I was
Far beyond what I believed was true
I hesitate to look behind me, just because
It only brings my sorrow into view
The minutes pass like hours, and the days go on for years
My troubled heart left not in soft repose
Time has helped me not at all, subsiding dreadful fears
To leave my thoughts confused now, I suppose

Lost within my nights are the things I once desired
Like footsteps in the sand, left far behind
I keep my tears hidden away, my eyes weary, and tired
Too many fallen now, it hurts my mind
I strain to see the friends I've known, but fail to see their faces
Time and circumstance, a distant star
Again to visit all of them, in old familiar places
Watch the sunset, play that old guitar

April sang so sweet to them, and I would play for her
All those old familiar lost love songs
The days, that now are nightmares of all the things we were
Too late to place mistakes where they belong
And wrong as wrong can be I was, to think that things would last
The sun above, the wind blowing her hair
I travel back but lose my way, to find my missing past
When all our love and all our friends were there

It is a time remembered, though I try hard to forget
Not wishing to relive heartbreak again
No one is left to ease my pain, I hold on to regret
That drives me close to thoughts of nights insane
For I am all that's left of those few who knew those days
All are gone but me, I sit alone
I sometimes still can hear her voice, but seldom do I play
Those were better days, the best I've known

Days and nights upon the beach, with firelight and song
Those songs still sing within my mind at times
The sun would shine, and laughter filled those summer days so long
That I cannot describe here, in these rhymes
And so I wander, far away from what I used to be...
Far beyond what I believed was true...
But I think back now and then, to what I knew as me
And lift my glass to friends, and then,
and you...

DEAN EVANS
2-12-09

Yesterday I saw the sun, though night has seen it fade
This morning brought dark clouds, and heavy rain
Yesterday I knew your love, but you’ve taken it away
To leave me here with nothing, but my pain

What has caused this lost and dreadful breaking of my heart
I need an explanation, can’t you see?
Someone please, just tell me why my world was torn apart
The answers I can’t buy, and they’re not free

Yesterday was sweet and kind, I felt that this would last
Today, sorrow has shown to me it’s face
Happiness seems long ago, far deep into my past
And heartache has arrived, to take her place

The moments pass like days for me, and days drag on for years
I’m blind to what the future has in store
All I see before my eyes, are my descending tears
They crash and break, as glass upon my floor

These empty arms still hold the thought of soft, and sweet caress
Though I awake from nightmares, still alone
At times I drift back into dreams, I hear you answer yes
But morning tells me no, and you’re still gone

I know this sounds insane to some, and me?... I just can’t tell
I’ve lost direction, gone reason and rhyme
I know that in this prison of my mind, that I’m unwell
The clock has stopped for me, I’m lost in time

I listen to old music, though it helps me, not at all
This pounding in my head leads me astray
And like that sad old Beatles song, I’m feeling just like Paul
I sit alone and long, for Yesterday.

DEAN EVANS
7-23-11

I’m sending you this message in a bottle
To see if I can touch your thoughts with mine
Although the hopes and laughter,  I send may reach you after
They’re tattered by the ravages of time
I watch the bottle drift to the horizon
No hope of whats inside reaching your eyes
But if by chance they do, and my bottle comes to you
It may then be a memory, in disguise

My words to you are those I’ve said today
Tonight they drift upon the sea alone
Years from now to find you, just someone to be kind to
Even though by then I shall be gone
So watch over the ocean for a message
Sent from I, so lost and long before
To read the hopes and dreams, of a man insane it seems
As we stand upon a past,
and future shore....

Dean Evans
8-14 2012

Come dark of night, let not my eyes embrace the morning sun
To ease this pain of soul and heart, the crying has been done
Refuse my mind contentment, end my sorrow with this gun
These bullets all are friends of mine, but all I need is one
Midnight strike!... Release from me this tattered, torrid scene
With sound that no one hears, I fear the silence can't stay clean
Tears shall not impede the lead that passes in between
Take away this pain I feel, take all that I have seen

Life it seems has played it's cruel and vicious game with me
I, the loser, though I find my freedom isn't free
The wind of discontent has blown, I sail a restless sea
No calm that stops this storm of thought, that rages within me
No parting of the hopeless, dreadful, dark and swirling cloud
Deliver me!... Unshackle me!, I cry this phrase out loud
Don't let the morning find my life in loss of hope, and proud
My finger on death's trigger, squeeze it once and I am out

Out of time and far beyond, is where I travel to
All because this rage of mind, these lies becoming true
Open up the chamber, the end of me is passing through
Allow my bleeding, broken heart,to lie here torn in two
Don't ask me now, I have no answer why love went astray
I cannot comprehend within my mind, these things I say
Perhaps in future years to come you all will feel this way
To rock you right down to the ground, you'll know my thoughts that day

I'll leave this note here on my bed, not sent to anyone
Believing that this final night will not return to dawn
I hold the answer in my shaking hand, I hold my own
Gone the anguish, free of crying...Torment when I'm done...
Don't let your mind be troubled because of what I do
I think I even want to feel it, sad, but this is true
What is it now inside my mind this love of steel, and blue
I write my last three words to Her in blood
Signed....
I love you.

Dean Evans
4-21-2010

It seems my heart has crumbled, perhaps dissolving from within
I don’t know where I’m going, where I am, or where I’ve been
I think that life has passed me by, but only now and then
I grasp the needle, push, and I inject the void again
It seems that love has left me here, inside this cruel illusion
No word from you, no reason why, just adds to my confusion
I dream at night, and sometimes you are there in my delusion
I pray my heart to beat again, so far it is refusing

Its saddens me to think that it was I who caused your fall
The drugs take hold, my soul lets go, and I can see it all
Somewhere far into the distance, I can hear you call
Upright I sit, and toss my last desire against the wall
No one knows, and no one cares, as I sit here alone
Lost within my wasted years, and those that carry on
Trapped inside this nothingness, the life I knew is gone
The only hope I have, is not to view another dawn

The emptiness of what I am has shown me what is true
Inside my mind are nightmares, each night they come on cue
Names are upside down upon my wall, I don’t know who
As I pretend to live, I die, though I remember you
But night drags on and on, I drift in and out of sleep
I see your face and hear your voice, few memories I keep
No where do I find however, the quiet peace I seek
I close my eyes and once again, silently I weep.

Dean Evans
8-01-11

I can't seem to sleep these days
Relaxation gone
Stripped of all I've known
Wasted years, no reason for heartless scenes they've shown...

I can't think how, or why
Youth was lost in time
Lost in heart and mind
Such precision indecision, confusion kills you from behind...

I won't be the one who stops
Wishing you were near
To dry your last sad tear
Bring happiness back into your life, and leave behind the fear...

I cannot forget your pain
Your life turned to the street
To take from me the sweet
And loving words I used to hear that now are quiet....
Incomplete...

I won't be the one who goes
Leaving you alone
That ringing of the phone
Cries out to me in tearful pleas, to help the wounded home...

And cries for help I know
Wont give us back the peace
We've lost life's fragile ease
But the life you dreamed of long ago is still within your reach...

We have to go through this
What life has brought to us
Strength you'll see will rush
Across our lives and make the time apart flash by, and thus...

Relieve our tortured minds
Give back to us what's real
To us, God will reveal
The things about our lives we had forgotten how to FEEL...

You must try, stay strong
And weakness I can't show
I'm weak, but you don't know
I've heard my steps, lost in the night, I hope it doesn't show...

You will be alright in time
Desperation goes
Life's blood will always flow
Between my heart and yours to reach down deep into your soul...

This nightmare will be gone
The time will pass you'll see
And days to come will be
The best days of your life ahead will finally set you free...

I'll be waiting silently
Stand in morning air
Notice I am standing where
I stood when we had said goodbye, in the sadness that we shared...

So think of me, my love
On an old and dusty street
Words of love we can't repeat
That still I hear, now far along the path to,
Incomplete.

Dean Evans
12-20-07

Once upon my long ago, youth was wild and free
The mirror saw a life that stretched ahead
But now, reflection shows the life I’ve left in back of me
The memories are still fresh, inside my head.
The past love and the happiness, of days and years I've spent
Are there with all I've done, and what I've lost
I've paid for all time I've lived, and the mirror takes the rent
And weary eyes see all of what it's cost...

Reflection of a man who is still the man I was
Though time has changed the image that I see
Time will take its toll on youth, I know this all because
This mirror has shown all of this to me
Looking at myself I see not what others see
Everyone who's known me all this time
I notice all the changes, that have slowly come to me
Though can't be seen inside this lonely rhyme

Like seasons change from spring into summer, on to fall
The mirror shows the change in me as well
Standing silent, shining silver glass reveals it all
Some of these are things that I won’t tell
But I must give myself, to what time will bring me now
And thus, brings to all of us you'll find
The mirror opens up to us and changes us somehow
But I still feel the same inside my mind

If I could take time back, make it different, how could I
Change this life I've lived without you there
I don't know the answer, but the mirror asks me why
Reflection shows me just a cold, blank stare
Seeing things remembered, memories from years ago
The thoughts fill up my mind, but leave me here
Being and not being, is what the mirror shows
The image that I see leaves me in fear

I find that I'm two men now, one that looks and one looks back
The glare which blinds, so I turn from the light
And as I do the room will quickly fade to black
But one man stands there waiting, through the night
And in the morning I can see, I'm different overall
It happens with each morning I awake
No words are spoken, spirit broken, days and years will fall
I weep for all the things the mirror takes

Takes from me my youth and my ability to cope
With what I’ve lost or things I’ve failed to gain
I peer inside the glass, and gone are dreams and hope
And all that’s left within, are my remains
Am I the man outside the glass, or one who's locked inside
Old age has not left questions any clearer
I’ve learned over the years, it’s where loneliness resides
My youth is lost inside this dreadful mirror....

Dean Evans
3-27-08

Sometimes when I'm all alone, and thoughts come racing in
Those that find me here without you, take me back to when
I see you smiling back at me, from somewhere deep within
The day is gone, another night accepts these tears again

No one in the daylight now, can know what I've been through
I keep my feelings hidden while the sky is shining blue
But then I close the doors and pull the shades, what can I do?
When evening comes to call on me, my memories call to you

I recall the times when we would laugh the night away
I didn't have to mask my feelings far into the day
But now I wait for darkness, and it's there I long to stay
To see your face from windows edge, in stars that dance
and play...

I have no way of knowing when the light will shine on me
And give to me the happiness that love can bring, you see
For now I know that only in my dreams, can I be free
And so each evening sunset takes me where I need to be...

So that I may see your heart, there in the darkened sky
Be comforted by faded black, remember you and I
To whisper to the moon, so She and I can softly cry
Where no one sees these silent tears
descending from my eyes...

Dean Evans.
9-23-13

At times it seems to hard to go on living
Peace, and ease of thought have not yet found me
Sorrow pours, and the skies are unforgiving
Life rains, until I think that it might drown me

I've searched and searched for answers, but there are none
So where am I to turn for what I seek
The promise, and the hope I had, are long gone
What's left inside this shell of me is weak

I don't know how much longer faith can hold me
To arise and greet each day, and try again
Afraid that all this pain that tries so boldly
Will throw my naked soul out in the rain

No shelter from these random thoughts of leaving
That things would work out better, with me gone
But my old friend Guilt, keeps me believing
My death would only leave behind more harm

So I must travel on inside this nightmare
A terror worse because I'm not asleep
This mirror shows me nothing but a blank stare
I've found I've lost the will, to even weep

But crying hasn't solved these problems yet
It only leave the heart that cries, the sad one
It takes my thoughts but won't let me forget
I've tried to live a life, but I don't have one

And knowing the tormented mind won't rest
That empty thoughts and pain, still rule the day
The night allows no sleep, and seems to test
Is there Heaven?, is there God?
from hell I pray.

Dean Evans
4-24-2004

In dreams I think about this life, and my place upon this Earth
The most part being heart and mind, and soul for what it’s worth
The cosmos stretches far above, although my eyes can see
These thoughts that haunt my mind at times extend out…
endlessly.

Mentation turns to destiny to what the future holds
And back again to legacy, and the gifts I feel I must bestow
Upon those left behind me, to instill within their minds
When finally the Universe and I are gently intertwined

To think that I may one day see my spirit thus transversed
Against the awesome paradise where God and I, softly converse
To witness what this life has shown, that now is torn apart
Beguile anguished felicity, and so appease my tattered heart.

Although my hope remains suspect, that somehow hopeless dies
Far too many questions, too few answers to where comfort lies
Though I suppose simplicity awaits the ones who grieve
Patiently anticipating those who seek to so believe.

It seems I have no hope of prolonged years in soft repose
My eyes must blink you see... but I have seen, and I suppose
That time is just a cruel mirage shimmering, as light
Then pulls away and so reveals the truth of things, there…
In the night.

But still I dream about this life, and what awaits us all
When time and understanding finds us lost, what will we recall?
About these moments spent together, so informally
Listen… to the sound,
and the Whispers of Eternity.

Dean Evans
6-28-14

The days pass by before me now, but all are dark and cold
I find my eyes cannot see through these tears
I reach into an envelope, again just to unfold
A letter written long ago in years
I was just a young man, and she was just a girl
Our time together lasted , but a while
Though time is just a man made thing, to help the years unfurl
It doesn't dim the memory of her smile
Those days so long ago, seem so fresh still in my mind
But every now and then I need to know
The words placed there on paper, that were written of the kind
That give me what her heart, cannot now bestow
In days of summer warmth, and nights of cool pale moon
The letter brings these things all back to me
The years of happiness, that ended far too soon
These crying eyes can read, what used to be
I unfold the old and yellowed paper, gently in my hand
To just remember eyes that used to shine
Dreams revisit those nights, and I still sometimes can
Recall a long ago, and softer time
But time can dull the senses, alone can steal the days
To cut and tear my memories in two
So every now and then, I again must read these words
The three small words she left me, " I love you".....

Dean Evans
7- 11 -08

These thoughts that I have placed in view
for your consideration
Sad words of loves refusal, and of heartaches
desperation
I’ve tried to touch your heart with mine,
with every new creation
I also offer you my pain although with hesitation.

These dreams I have while wide awake all race
across my mind
At times to send me thoughts of love
and gently to remind
Of days far lost in youth when love was
sweet and sharp, as wine
We drank it in, though now the memories
address my heart unkind

I truly write for no one else, although at times it seems
You may believe that I have power
far into your dreams
That somehow every now and then I hear you
as you scream
Only to read your heartache within
my beauteous regime

My words are chosen carefully for each
new fabrication
Each one must play its part to give the others
designation
Difficult to say the least, although I find formation
I smile to comments, words from you
in thoughtful admiration.

Some have said I have a certain agency with words
They see themselves and feel my thoughts,
within poetic verse
This has been my intention, as I willfully coerce
The feelings of the reader as we spiritually
converse

These thoughts I leave you now,
and for your consideration
Sweet dreams of love and happiness I’ll give you
in narration
And hope I’ve touched your heart with mine
in quiet celebration
I offer you my hopes and dreams...
in lyric conversation

Dean Evans
5-25-14

My mind is leading me into a place I've never been
My heart is broken.. shattered, and scattered to the wind
I dream sometimes of loneliness, and a dreadful final kiss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are no rhymes for this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Darkened days and tortured nights, no sunshine only pain
Colorless, just black and white the autumn leaves became
How am I to travel forward?.. too much to take, to miss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are no rhymes for this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My days are being spent in silence, all alone with you
The quiet deafening to hear, though nothing I can do
The fabric of my thoughts are torn, and no way to resist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And still I find
Life so unkind
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
There is no time for this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've held on to my hope, although my tired arms need rest
My aching head still thinking of these waves, I ride the crest
Of painful tides of blood and glass, the mirror feels my fist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I cannot see myself again,
Looking, forced to start... begin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To make sad sense of this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's insanity I've found within my mind which keeps me sane
Reality, and this place I'm in is sunshine filled with rain
Each day I search for something that might actually exist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Inside the cold abyss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of where I am...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each door now closed and locked to me, can't ease the pain of why
Stop these dreams, nightmares awake, asleep I think that I
Now know my eyes have witnessed what this heartless life insists
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Demands of me
Commands to be
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
No joy is found in this...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My words to you must seem dis-assembled, rearranged
And in my mind the reasons for the words have all been changed
Over the years in what I've written, something is amiss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twisted and lost
And what the cost
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And so the thoughts persist...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The thoughts of just another day of where, and why and how
Another night consumed with fear, the fear of here and now
All of what I find, walking blind in sorrow's mist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Th­is fog of time
That clouds my mind
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Un­able to endure, subsist...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Re­lief of life itself, provides me no relief
Belief in grace of God and Heaven , leaves me only grief
Looking for the answers to the questions I have missed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An­d I have found
No mind is sound
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~
There are no rhymes for this...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

D­ean Evans
9-14-07

I spent today in tears and anguish, grieving for the night
Crying for the dreams that I have left there in my flight
Running from those thoughts that I have witnessed, second sight
I cannot now escape, although I try with all my might
I know that with the sun, that I must bid my dreams adieu
Now unrecalled in memory, this translunary view
To leave therein dementia.. felicity askew
I wonder, could my incubus derive from thoughts of you

The morning finds me quite disturbed, normality withdrawn
Each evening sees me back again the dreams go on.. and on
Unable to however, see enigma denouement
These cherubs in the darkness, come as demons with the dawn
It leaves me to myself, and to my tears when I’m awake
Could it be that only in the night, my hope opaque?
If so then I must question, if I sleep what is at stake
I cannot comprehend uncounted reasons.. that I shake

My children come inside to smiles and laughter on their day
Then back outside beneath the blue umbrella sky, to play
Their innocence, once again will serve to so allay
These bitter tears unnoticed, as I wipe each one away
Photographs stare back at me, to further my confusion
At times they seem to speak to me, an optical illusion
But, if I should remove them, could it cause sorrows preclusion?
And so prevent these dreams, and offer love some restitution

And so repay a debt or two incurred there in the night
Relieving some small portion of the pain I here, recite
Reveal to me within my dreams, that shining silver light
Then and only then perhaps, my love and I..
shall reunite
But til then I guess I am a victim, set upon
By what my mind has shown me, and by what will carry on
And hope my dreams release me in the morning, to be gone
For angels in the dead of night are demons..
with the dawn.

Dean Evans
9-30-14

I awoke to find myself alone, no words of sad farewell
The window offered nothing but the dawn
The sun had risen barren of the future, to foretell
To leave my heart exclusively withdrawn
Although I can recall when adoration was declared
When you and I had known loves sweet reply
But now, it seems the feelings have been suddenly impaired
As we have been deserted, Heart and I

I rise to the uncertainty, of what life has related
The antithesis of what I’d hoped would be
The echo of your memories continue, unabated
Within their solitary repartee
I seem to be a man who has lost the understanding
Of how and why love sadly went astray
Perhaps it just became for you, that love was too demanding
With what diminished years were to portray

Years that once unfurled for us in youth, and warm embrace
Times that now have left us far behind
I try hard to remember the sweet smile upon your face
So far my tattered memory has declined
I don’t know what we could’ve done, to rescue loves elation
I can’t recall things said, or left unsaid
And nightly dreams of you cannot offer me salvation
They only overwhelm me in my bed

I question whether things I said gave rise to your departure
I’ve searched my mind to what I may have done
Tough I have thus allowed my heart to be sadly, the martyr
In this viscous game that now has seen you gone
I wonder, what will now become of loves kind resolution
Could I, can I know the reasons why
That sorrow now has come to me, with savage execution
To leave us here alone,
My Heart and I...

Dean Evans
5-26-14

Sitting here I thought I saw you walk into the room
I don’t think I looked up however, reclining in the gloom
I thought I heard the sound of voices, memories exhume
Lost within some late, late hour envisage I assume
I waited for the morning’s dawn, though it did not arrive
It seemed the sun had lost to darkness, how could this derive?...
I realize my thoughts may be untrue, but know that I’ve
Been searching for an answer, or a way just to survive

Survive the anguished thoughts that... had we spoken once again
And gave ourselves that chance to softly talk, perhaps explain
To possibly relieve or somehow stop the crushing pain
If only I could talk with you and reminisce, of then
Your voice is there within my mind, but silent is the sound
I take the car, and listen as I slowly drive around
Then think I hear your laughter as I pass old stomping grounds
The noise then fades into the night,
as the sun it has gone down

Your essence lingers in those places, that you always knew
I feel your presence here... within these thoughts that I now view
Eyes closed to the pool of tears, I have shed here two by two
And so I sit alone and try to dream of talks with you
It troubles me to think of things I may have left unsaid
I need the chance to tell you, all these things inside my head
I’ve written many words that lie in pieces, left unread
Swept out with my hopes, another sleepless night ahead

To sit here in the hopeless hours, and curse the endless night
But dread the dawn that never comes, it’s threat of blinding light
I close myself to all that may remind me, what is bright
It haunts and wounds my time, with no way to make things right
And so I linger in the realm of dreams, it’s nothing new
Attempting to escape the glare of truth, in shining blue
The sky holds no remorse for me, or what I may pursue
Like thoughts of conversation, one more chance to talk…
with you.

Dean Evans
10-21-14

Why did you arrive with love, just when I needed you
Fractured are the reasons, and I know not what to do
Far from having peace of mind, confusion's breaking through
I've crawled on hands and knees, down betrayals avenue

Why did I find you now, it's all still so unclear
My life has been a heartless path, a tortured trail of tears
But now that you are close to me, what dream has brought you here
To make me fall in love again, and stop the lonely years

Do I deserve the happiness I know your heart can bring
Perhaps your love brings resolution, solves my everything
Or will you turn away from me, and cause my heart to swing
Back into hopeless, sleepless nights no love, no anything

What did you require, when you said that me you loved me
You know it's hard to take that soft embrace, to set me free
To allow my heart to beat again, my eyes to finally see
Those things my mind cannot believe, can actually be

It's happened more than I can stand, to love and then be lost
Inside a dark and painful world, emotions torn and tossed
A sea of tears that follows me, the heartache that it's cost
Time will heal the wounds they say,
a line I haven't crossed

So don't distress about my hesitation, to be loved
It feels that you've been Heaven sent to me, from high above
Mind and heart can't take the things, they've been a victim of
My love has flown away as does the wild morning dove

I'll give our love a chance to grow, to flourish, and to thrive
I'll try to put away this pain endured by me, but I've
Been brokenhearted and I hope as long as I'm alive
That you won't be just one more thing,
that I'm forced to survive

I don't think I'm up to it...

Dean Evans
10-01-06

These old trees know my name
A thousand times they have seen my passing
A soft hello from me old friend
Another tearful goodbye...

The time has come to rest
Old legs are weary, the miles I have come
Just to see you again, and then
Too soon I must go... too soon

I wonder.. will they look out for me?
For a thousand seasons, awaiting my return
Only to silently weep their autumn leaves
In my memory...

Dean Evans
2-23-10

God knows I’ve tried to find a way to loves warm, sweet caress
I’ve searched inside the things that we have said
It’s hard to know what could’ve been for me and you, I guess
Whatever love once lived in me is dead...
Impossible for me to know, if we ever even cared
Memories that now, are lost in time
But I can still recall the easy laughter that we shared
The sound still echoes softly, in my mind...

In youth our lives stretched out ahead, an endless sea of years
Sorrow now finds space, inside my days
Time, and circumstance have left a tempest, sea of tears
Harsh winds of old, and age, lead me astray
So I sail upon my loneliness, and watch for loves embrace
Far across the years of past regret
Perhaps one day a breeze will ******* back to saving grace
But the waves have not been kind to me,
as yet...

Dean Evans
10/2/13

Trapped within the lost and lonely regions we call self
I wonder, sit and ponder who I've left upon my shelf
What I've gotten, or forgotten seems to come and go
The memories now are gone, what have I done?,
well I don't know...
The man that I became, He took the blame and lost the time
What you thought I was, is just because I'm in your mind
I've seen it in your eyes, the sad goodbyes, you walked away
I listened for those words you give, I live to hear you say
Lost inside my heart, in the only part that you can't see
Lies deep there in the loneliness, The Openness, of me
I've known, or thought I'd known I'd find the answer to it all
What have I done, where could I run?...
and hope to feel this small
If you should leave, could I believe, my spirit thereupon
How must I now go forward, can my happiness be won
Could I tell it from this hell I'm in, with each step that I take,
Forgive those things, that sorrow brings,
and that words can sometimes make...
Although I cry.. I know that I have nothing left, but time
And though I still look for the will, I've lost reason and rhyme
I hope your heart can see what we, discovered in those days
Your gentle eyes, the hows the whys,
and all your loving ways...
The things you gave me, and tried to save me from my wrongful thought
The love we had, died oh so sad, what was it I had brought
Did I do too much, and so the touch became to me unreal
Or did I take the love we'd make, and let the passion steal
Steal the love that I'd thought of, as everlasting fate
Only to find, it was of the kind, two minds cannot relate
To break the man, the woman and two hearts that wanted this,
But nothing shows, no flower grows,
we've kissed our final kiss...
So that now, we know not how it's ended up this way
But I remember a dying ember, as love faded away
And now these steps I take, they make sad prints of what could be
And what we had, the good, the bad comes back,
to comfort me....

DEAN EVANS
8-13-07
(revised 10-14-14)

You left me on a rainy Tuesday, nothing more was said
I listened to the blues all day, to try and ease my aching head
I noticed there, a pool of tears to catch and so reflect instead
The day’s demise to evening, in clouds of pink and crimson red

I listened to those same old songs, I’ve heard a thousand times
You know, the ones we listened to when love was cherished, in its prime
It seems that now their meaning far and lost... within the lonely rhymes
Perhaps sorrow reveals herself, if I listen close…
between the lines

My dream is to relive, and thus repair those things that went so wrong
The radio however seems to play my sadness on, and on
The music helps me not at all, but then I knew that all along
The wasted years come flooding back, in the solemn words of that old song

I try hard not to listen, and as such not think of you
But then the week rolls back around, the Tuesdays come again on cue
It’s raining once again... and so I sit and listen to the blues
Remembering the day you walked away, it’s really nothing new

Oh I suppose the music tends to sooth me in some ways
To ease the broken memories that linger, trapped within the haze
I still recall your dark browns eyes, the shy and gentle loving ways
I close my eyes and drift to you,
as I listen to the music play..

Dean Evans
12-15-14