It’s difficult to understand these feelings that I get
Things I said or left unsaid lie undisturbed, in cold regret
To leave me here, and from all sides my raddled soul is now beset
I pray my heart to beat again, my heart has not responded yet
It seems somewhere along the way, that life has lost it’s fragile ease
Though I have not lost hope of love, do not misunderstand me please
Dreams of realization come at times and I have thoughts of these
To wonder if I’m standing, then I look to find I’m on my knees

I pray the stars to have no hope of everlasting light
And sorrow fail to shine on me, there in the ivory blackened night
And so I close my eyes to all those things reminding me of bright
The Autumn leaves have blown away, The world is left in black and white
I grieve for all the dear departed, and the days we knew so well
Their lives erstwhile so close to mine, that time has sadly now dispelled
Perhaps one day these memories I view shall come to thus foretell
That we shall meet again and know, there is no bittersweet farewell

The years unfurl beneath my feet, the Earth revolves again
Each star that passes overhead pursues joyous legerdemain
Could some portion of my happiness, when all is said and done remain?
I awake beside my fire to the silent sounds, and speak your name
Dreams however cannot hide the truth of things that we have missed
The colors of my youth have faded, and as such they can’t exist
Within the torn and tortured realm that reality insists
Until the time when you and I, and God can softly reminisce

Dean Evans
9-12-15
2014

I spent today in tears and anguish, grieving for the night
Crying for the dreams that I have left there in my flight
Running from those thoughts that I have witnessed, second sight
I cannot now escape, although I try with all my might
I know that with the sun, that I must bid my dreams adieu
Now unrecalled in memory, this translunary view
To leave therein dementia.. felicity askew
I wonder, could my incubus derive from thoughts of you

The morning finds me quite disturbed, normality withdrawn
Each evening sees me back again the dreams go on.. and on
Unable to however, see enigma denouement
These cherubs in the darkness, come as demons with the dawn
It leaves me to myself, and to my tears when I’m awake
Could it be that only in the night, my hope opaque?
If so then I must question, if I sleep what is at stake
I cannot comprehend uncounted reasons.. that I shake

My children come inside to smiles and laughter on their day
Then back outside beneath the blue umbrella sky, to play
Their innocence, once again will serve to so allay
These bitter tears unnoticed, as I wipe each one away
Photographs stare back at me, to further my confusion
At times they seem to speak to me, an optical illusion
But, if I should remove them, could it cause sorrows preclusion?
And so prevent these dreams, and offer love some restitution

And so repay a debt or two incurred there in the night
Relieving some small portion of the pain I here, recite
Reveal to me within my dreams, that shining silver light
Then and only then perhaps, my love and I..
shall reunite
But til then I guess I am a victim, set upon
By what my mind has shown me, and by what will carry on
And hope my dreams release me in the morning, to be gone
For angels in the dead of night are demons..
with the dawn.

Dean Evans
9-30-14

Sitting here, surrounded by these pictures on a wall
The images, just moments trapped in time
The faces seem to speak to me, and I can hear them all
Perhaps it’s just a dream, though they linger in my mind.
The doors are closed, I stay apart, the shades are pulled down low
I listen to them call from deep inside
The frozen half smiles worry me, but nowhere do I go
So here above my lamp, with my desire, I reside.

Somewhere deep within my lost, and lonely memories
Faded black and white my world became
I, am locked inside with these companions that I see
Each kept behind a shining silver frame.
Protected from the ravages of age, they seem to hide
But I, have not the hope of prolonged years
Seasons wax and wain, although I cannot peer outside
Hearing voices no one else but I, am there to hear.

At times, I long to drift to sleep, stay lost within my dreams
Awake, I find the faces watching me
I’ve tried to run, although I have no place to run it seems
The voices call to distant places, I can’t be.
For years these things have been, and will be part of my existence
I pray someday the lamp will lose it’s light
For now I must endure my fate, at times unfelt insistence
I long for only sunset, and the dark, embracing night.

Within this empty room, it seems I’m lost among the crowd
Just another face, that prays for peace
The lamp too dim but far too bright, the silence much too loud
They look into my soul, I’m strangely ill at ease.
How long will these eyes remain there, never blinking?
How many years have I been here, and how
When will loss of light and time, relieve this dreadful thinking
That I do not participate, within the here and now.

I feel that time has ceased for me, that I do not exist
I see they’re eyes, though can’t recall the names
When will all my fears subside, to take me from all this
And if they do, what part of me if any, will remain?
My story is a tale of woe, a clouded, desperate vision
The fear of never being real, at all
I’m trapped within my silver frame, with certain indecision
For you see my friends, I too, am but a picture on the wall.

Dean Evans
5-25-14

On a bitter cold but clear, and dark December night
I rose my eyes into the stars, they offered soothing light
Not even was I hopeful, to witness mornings bright
But I saw you in the clouds of dawn, and it took away my sight
What was there, was it just a dream across my mind
Was I in a twi-light sleep, within the realm of time
Perhaps some sort of vision sent from God, with grace divine
Though none of these describe your face there, witnessed, so sublime

I sat transfixed, and watched you, as you slowly smiled at me
I felt that you could feel the pain, alone has come to be
Without you here I find my essence changed to some degree
The love within your eyes is something I did not foresee
Within the early morning mist, I dreamed that you were there
No others eyes could look through me, no other could compare
Then as the changing clouds appeared I saw us standing where,
In gentle warm embrace I ran my fingers through your hair

You must please understand that I have not the hope of years
Required to repair my heart, to dry a million tears
But here within the clouds of dawn, my sadness disappears
As you and I stand heart to heart, and nothing interferes
Except perhaps the rising sun that brightens sky, and day
Or winds of sorrow that may blow the morning fog away
Not to see the clouds again, and witness their display
To leave me here alone once more, much to my dismay

And live within the bitter cold of lost, and past regret
Just another Winter night of wine, and cigarette
Nothing in the starlight, save the haunting silhouette
Of one who’s love is lost to me, though I cannot forget
To dream of you once and again, in skies of pink chiffon
The only thing I wish these weary eyes to look upon
If only lonesome heart agrees to patiently hold on
I’ll see you smile at me again,
within the clouds of dawn...

Dean Evans
4-26-14

Time cannot be understood in human terms you see
The Universe explains itself, though not to you and me
Far out in the starlight lies an answer to it all
What have I done, where would I run, and hope to feel this small
For time does not consist of moments, seconds, days and years
You’ll find out in the distance, that your sorrow disappears
For we are made of starlight anyway, the story goes
Does time even exist at all?... The Heavens wont disclose

Look into the night, and you begin to travel back
Far into the past, deep in the skies of ivory black
Can you hear the ancient echoes ringing in your ears
You travel now in spacetime, collecting souvenirs
What if all things happen in a instant?...future, past...
Your then is now, but now is then your shadow now uncast
What would be your thoughts on Heaven , hell and earth as well
What would be inside my heart if true?... I just can’t tell

Everything you’ve ever known is waiting for you there
Though few you’ll find the answers to the Cosmos’ questionnaire
Ancient echoes lead you now to worlds lost long ago
Yours as well is gone lost far behind you, apropos...
Time is but a man made thing, a measure of duration
It’s concept loses meaning with the awesome presentation
The Universe may keeps it’s secrets, lost to you and I
But I can hear the ancient echoes,
in ivory blackened sky...

Dean Evans
5-2-14

My love, I take pen in hand with no hope of reaching you, no hope of hearing a return word or knowing what fate may have befallen you. It is only my belief that you are somewhere thinking of me that keeps me from the brink of the dreadful abyss that I now find myself staring into. I pray that you are well, although it has been so long since last you have written, I spend my nights wondering, have you forgotten me, or has someone else taken my memory from your heart.

A thousand terrible miles I have traveled in one place, waiting since the day you left, my vow unbroken, my love for you greater than when I last kissed your lips, my heart still beating for your safe return. My existence here has been one of desperation, desperate that your last words to me remain true, and that tomorrow you will return to me, to fill this emptiness that lies beside me each night. Deep within every cloud that passes overhead, I see your face, The music of your voice in every breeze that wanders through another season, without you.

I fear that God is becoming weary of my prayers for your return, and that someday soon, I will be alone with my desire. I am unable to come to terms with the fact that I may never again hold you in my arms, kiss your lips, or feel your love for me, and so I cling to this, as I cling to our last night together, and the words that still echo in the starlight, so far above me,
as you are so far away.
I reach for tomorrow, but am chained to the past, although I can see nothing in either direction, except your memory.

I leave this letter, once again your devoted, but with the fear that it is written as a message in a bottle,to float upon the ocean of loneliness that drowns my hope a little more each day that you are gone.

Return to me my love, if these words, I am fortunate enough to have delivered to you
Remember me, if I am worthy of your memory, and know that I am here as I said I would be, always, lost without you, and forever in dreams of you.

With all my love and all my heart I send this to you in the hope that it will find you well,
F.

Dean Evans
(sometime in the early 2000's)

If we met by chance, on some warm and windy day
Would you still remember me? As you went on your way
Would you still recall my face, or would you walk on by
Could you notice silent tears, descending from my eyes
To think you wouldn't notice me, and know me from the start
Might rip away my dreams, I fear the breaking of my heart
Passing me without a glance, and I knowing that you
Would force me into sorrow, as I watch the avenue

And though you look at me sometimes, you don't know my name
What has caused creation of this cruel, heartbreaking game
To stand here in my window, days and years of time have passed
I've stared upon the life you live, my memories never last
In rain and winter's wind, I have watched you walk along
I stand, bathed in artificial light where I belong
No word from you, no joy, no smiles there in your heart
It seems that windows keep us close and yet, so far apart

I know you think of love sometimes, but never that of me
To you I seem as nothing as for myself, I will agree
But knowing what I do, I think of love in my own way
The love of life and freedom, from this hardened heart they've made
It saddens you to think about the loves that you have crossed
Myself, I have no sadness, having no love I have lost
These windows keep me in, but they hold me out as well
Outside the world passes by, how long?.. no way to tell

You travel through your world, but I live within myself
Isolated as I am, from items on a shelf
You look my way without a thought, at sedentary eyes
Then look away to far above, and clearing summer skies
But I see only you, and it is you that I may love
Not knowing what the meaning, not advised in concept of
It seems to me, as I look out upon the avenue
Those who love are saddened, by the kind of love I view

Winters come and summers pass, the autumn leaves will fall
I desire once to close my eyes, a witness to it all
I've seen you pass a thousand times, I, still unknown to you
Alas! emotion lost to me, my thoughts I know, untrue
Perhaps someday you'll notice me, with someone else in mind
And enter my transparency, to make the choice you'll find
I'll watch you walk away once more, then... I, Mannequin
Shall pack away my hopes and dreams,
to be a man, again.

Dean Evans
3-4-08

Some said it was the angel in her eyes
Lost within the faded moonlight, evil in disguise
Broken hearts and wasted time, believing in her lies
She'll break you then forsake you,
though refusing is unwise

Somewhere in the starlight shines the answer
As you quickly go from agony to laughter
Your mind is weary, following the dancer
Her deadly touch that brings with it,
the cancer

She opens up the gate
you step inside to find it's much too late
To save yourself
You crawl the streets on hands and knees
you feel the pain you have the need
And somwhere in the cold, cruel dawn you see
But it can't be...

In long lost dreams she flies on through the night
Don't want to see her face again,
though you try with all your might
Longing for the one who brings your visions into light
It seems that this was meant to be

But it don't seem right...

She can look straight to your soul and sell you lies
Lost within the sliver mist, stands horror in disguise
Broken dreams and wasted lives
She cries....she cries...
The Angel hides the Evil in her eyes....

Dean Evans
7-24 2013

Id like to say I love you... but I don’t
I wish that it would fix the things gone wrong, but honey...it wont
Life has been unkind to us, I’ve lost those things my heart can trust
I’d like to say I love you...but I don’t

I’d like to say I’m sorry...but I’m not
We’ve left each other here alone, with the sadness that it’s brought
The things we said or left unsaid, still hurt my throbbing, aching head
I’d like to say I’m sorry ...but I’m not

We each made our mistakes my dear...It’s true
But all of mine belong to me and yours belong to you
Things have happened along the way, that caused the light to lose the day
Sorrowful mistakes were made...It’s true

Wasted years behind us...can’t you see?
Years we spent together, have destroyed the “you and me”
It took so long to fall apart, it crushed my bleeding dying heart
And wasted years behind us...set us free

Free to live my life in pain...for now
Free to cry for what once was, and maybe to survive somehow
The house is empty, rooms are dark, loneliness has left it’s mark
Free to cry within the rain...for now

You see.....
I’d like to say I love you... but i don’t
I wish that love could save us, although I know it won’t
Heartache here has found me, and my tears will someday drown me
So I’d like to say I love you...but I don’t

It didn’t have to end this way.......

Dino Evans
12-07-13

These old trees know my name
A thousand times they have seen my passing
A soft hello from me old friend
Another tearful goodbye...

The time has come to rest
Old legs are weary, the miles I have come
Just to see you again, and then
Too soon I must go... too soon

I wonder.. will they look out for me?
For a thousand seasons, awaiting my return
Only to silently weep their autumn leaves
In my memory...

Dean Evans
2-23-10

Your heart, like stainless steel
Cuts into me like a knife
To leave my bleeding heart unattended... dying
The phone doesn't ring...it's you
The mail doesn't come...it's you
The pain never stops...it's me

Day after unending day I die
With no one there to save me
Nothing can stop it
No one cares...

The pain of watching my love flow out of me
Onto the cold dark ground
Is torture to my lonesome soul
When...Oh when
Will my dying end...

Dean Evans
11-11-07

Listen to me children, to the tale I now recite
There are strangers in the dark, within the cold embracing night
They watch you as you walk along , there...
standing out of sight
To take away your happiness, and steal from you your soul outright
And though you may believe that I am leading you astray
Believe me when I tell you that they stand in silent, silver gray
Mirroring your every move to slowly rip your faith away
To leave you lost in turmoil, and the things these words cannot convey

Demented thoughts will haunt your mind, and so your heart as well
In the midst of what you once believed that Heaven would foretell
Insanity has found it’s way into your thoughts and there will dwell
You find your name upon the list of lost, and lonely clientèle
Nothing to perhaps remind you what has left you here, forlorn
Thoughts that now belie your mind, it’s madness now that does adorn
Your hollow faith in grace of God, upon remote and golden borne
Turn away my friends... before the lowest point of no return

Perhaps my thoughts misguided, mistaken, incorrect
It’s possible that I may be the only one with hope subject
I tell you this please understand, I do so now with all respect
I feel I must impart these warnings, heed my words without neglect
For if you do I fear that you may fall into the cold abyss
To find you are forever lost, your dreams of Heaven hence dismissed
Hell may call you out, and you will find that you cannot resist
Sleep eludes me yet again, and so my thoughts of fate persist

So listen to me please my child, I have not left the time
To tell you how things sadly are within the realm of my decline
Forgotten now are days of light, far lost inside a troubled mind
These feelings that cannot be felt among the words of dreary rhyme
It seems that now it’s much too late for me to warn you what is there
I wonder if the days ahead will find you still so doctrinaire
I beseech you do not follow me, to leave you with unanswered prayer
I leave behind my footprints...
in the burning sands of my despair...

Dean Evans
5/ 13/ 14

I may have drifted off that night, but it was only for awhile
Perhaps it was some fleeting dream, that came to comfort and beguile
But there I caught a glimpse of you, then I…
admiring your style
Awoke to sad uncertainty, and nothing there remained worthwhile
My room became a place to just lament my broken, shattered dreams
Where thoughts come much too rapidly, and desperation reigns supreme
I exist within the iron gates of sorrows deviltry regime
With no escape from hopelessness,
at least for now that's how it seems

I cannot comprehend these things within my mind, that are
I cannot help but feel that it is good and evil, still at war
The meaning for my every thought is lost and trapped, in the obscure
Time passes as the ages, and leaves me here no hope of more
The clock continues spinning on it’s violent descent
Down to the day my dreams are gone, and all desire has so been spent
The moment actually may provide me peace…at least
to some extent
I only hope the memories of you and I, will not relent

To leave my mind unable to recall those thoughts of you
The times now past, that my poor heart continues to pursue
To never see those moments shown,
in memorial review
Too many tears.. too many years... my heart cannot see through
And so I hope to drift to sleep, if only for a while
To sit and watch you come to me, admiring your style
Although I know these dreams of mine will end with dawns revile
And only those split seconds will remain...
And to Beguile.

Dean Evans
12-08-14

I’m sending you this message in a bottle
To see if I can touch your thoughts with mine
Although the hopes and laughter,  I send may reach you after
They’re tattered by the ravages of time
I watch the bottle drift to the horizon
No hope of whats inside reaching your eyes
But if by chance they do, and my bottle comes to you
It may then be a memory, in disguise

My words to you are those I’ve said today
Tonight they drift upon the sea alone
Years from now to find you, just someone to be kind to
Even though by then I shall be gone
So watch over the ocean for a message
Sent from I, so lost and long before
To read the hopes and dreams, of a man insane it seems
As we stand upon a past,
and future shore....

Dean Evans
8-14 2012

Trapped within the lost and lonely regions we call self
I wonder, sit and ponder who I've left upon my shelf
What I've gotten, or forgotten seems to come and go
The memories now are gone, what have I done?,
well I don't know...
The man that I became, He took the blame and lost the time
What you thought I was, is just because I'm in your mind
I've seen it in your eyes, the sad goodbyes, you walked away
I listened for those words you give, I live to hear you say
Lost inside my heart, in the only part that you can't see
Lies deep there in the loneliness, The Openness, of me
I've known, or thought I'd known I'd find the answer to it all
What have I done, where could I run?...
and hope to feel this small
If you should leave, could I believe, my spirit thereupon
How must I now go forward, can my happiness be won
Could I tell it from this hell I'm in, with each step that I take,
Forgive those things, that sorrow brings,
and that words can sometimes make...
Although I cry.. I know that I have nothing left, but time
And though I still look for the will, I've lost reason and rhyme
I hope your heart can see what we, discovered in those days
Your gentle eyes, the hows the whys,
and all your loving ways...
The things you gave me, and tried to save me from my wrongful thought
The love we had, died oh so sad, what was it I had brought
Did I do too much, and so the touch became to me unreal
Or did I take the love we'd make, and let the passion steal
Steal the love that I'd thought of, as everlasting fate
Only to find, it was of the kind, two minds cannot relate
To break the man, the woman and two hearts that wanted this,
But nothing shows, no flower grows,
we've kissed our final kiss...
So that now, we know not how it's ended up this way
But I remember a dying ember, as love faded away
And now these steps I take, they make sad prints of what could be
And what we had, the good, the bad comes back,
to comfort me....

DEAN EVANS
8-13-07
(revised 10-14-14)

My heart holds no remorse for me, and the love that I have lost
No sympathy for heartache, no concept of the cost
The empty time that saw my heart be frozen by the frost
From bitter winds of loneliness
and the cold lines I have crossed
Somewhere along the way it seems I found myself deserted
The love that once had burned in me, so strangely now diverted
Perhaps the efforts of my hopeless days and nights, concerted
Have left me here alone again, all thoughts of love perverted

Many tears ago now, I had known loves warm embrace
Too many years ago now to remember saving grace
Though I recall your loving ways, the smiles there on your face
I say your name out loud at times,
conjecture, just in case
I know it does no good now, to impart these thoughts to you
These dreams of what once was, now lost in memorial review
It leaves me deep within myself, my thoughts slightly askew
My heart refuses all requests to mislay its love for you

A heart that once knew what it meant, to love and hold so dear
The feelings of another heart, to comfort and revere
To see what lies ahead in life, where thoughts are crystal clear
Only soon to witness all that sadness will reveal
Hearts are never meant you see, to grieve in lamentation
Our minds recalling memories in quiet meditation
Tears fall as the rain, and as you drown in desperation
You find that you are traveling to sorrows destination

And so I must submit to the things that hearts bestow
And somehow to endure the pain my heart must undergo
I wonder if your heart will thus allow the status quo
And I alone, to long for you...
I guess that's how it goes
I live with a remorseless heart, for love I can’t retain
Within the thoughts of heartache and these things I can’t explain
I wonder when will love repent, to circumvent the pain
And quiet my poor broken hearts sorrowful refrain....

Dean Evans
6-14-14

My mind is leading me into a place I've never been
My heart is broken.. shattered, and scattered to the wind
I dream sometimes of loneliness, and a dreadful final kiss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are no rhymes for this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Darkened days and tortured nights, no sunshine only pain
Colorless, just black and white the autumn leaves became
How am I to travel forward?.. too much to take, to miss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are no rhymes for this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My days are being spent in silence, all alone with you
The quiet deafening to hear, though nothing I can do
The fabric of my thoughts are torn, and no way to resist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And still I find
Life so unkind
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
There is no time for this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've held on to my hope, although my tired arms need rest
My aching head still thinking of these waves, I ride the crest
Of painful tides of blood and glass, the mirror feels my fist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I cannot see myself again,
Looking, forced to start... begin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To make sad sense of this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's insanity I've found within my mind which keeps me sane
Reality, and this place I'm in is sunshine filled with rain
Each day I search for something that might actually exist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Inside the cold abyss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of where I am...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each door now closed and locked to me, can't ease the pain of why
Stop these dreams, nightmares awake, asleep I think that I
Now know my eyes have witnessed what this heartless life insists
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Demands of me
Commands to be
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
No joy is found in this...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My words to you must seem dis-assembled, rearranged
And in my mind the reasons for the words have all been changed
Over the years in what I've written, something is amiss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twisted and lost
And what the cost
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And so the thoughts persist...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The thoughts of just another day of where, and why and how
Another night consumed with fear, the fear of here and now
All of what I find, walking blind in sorrow's mist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Th­is fog of time
That clouds my mind
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Un­able to endure, subsist...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Re­lief of life itself, provides me no relief
Belief in grace of God and Heaven , leaves me only grief
Looking for the answers to the questions I have missed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An­d I have found
No mind is sound
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~
There are no rhymes for this...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

D­ean Evans
9-14-07

I am but a lonely soul, my time now not recalled
Somewhere in the morning mist, I stand unseen, unknown at all
Just shadows on your memory, as nightmares in the day
I search for some safe haven from myself, though I have lost my way

Existence hides it’s face from me, I cannot see her eyes
I fear to look too closely, as I gaze into the distant skies
And so as such, I close my own, I cannot see the blinding bright
I fear that I may see those things I’ve dreaded in the darkened night

I may see that I am somewhere lost in time and space
The answers to my questions still elude me, although I give chase
Wandering alone, and far beyond, within the void of time
A Shadow man, downhearted, and departed from myself I find

Within the dark and empty places, dreams cannot survive
I search for one warm ray of light, to know that I am still alive
One soft quenching drop of rain, reminding me of blue
One unlocked and open door, as respite from the avenue

The avenue of broken hope, betrayal and regret
I wish someday to see the sun, although I haven’t seen it yet
I must believe it waits for me, out somewhere in my past
I retain no memories, no thoughts of any kind, that last

Imagined have I, what the world may look like with the dawn
Though swift I ride through mornings dusk, death, the horse I ride upon
Running from or running to, decisions ply uncertain fate
Behind me all forgotten, and the future finds me much too late

At times there is no other, but the one who lived once long ago
Days, are endless nights without the tenderness I used to know
Love is now unknown to be, Hell is watching, patiently
And I have seen the Shadow man,
in the mirror looking back at me...

Dean Evans
12-16-13

You left me on a rainy Tuesday, nothing more was said
I listened to the blues all day, to try and ease my aching head
I noticed there, a pool of tears to catch and so reflect instead
The day’s demise to evening, in clouds of pink and crimson red

I listened to those same old songs, I’ve heard a thousand times
You know, the ones we listened to when love was cherished, in its prime
It seems that now their meaning far and lost... within the lonely rhymes
Perhaps sorrow reveals herself, if I listen close…
between the lines

My dream is to relive, and thus repair those things that went so wrong
The radio however seems to play my sadness on, and on
The music helps me not at all, but then I knew that all along
The wasted years come flooding back, in the solemn words of that old song

I try hard not to listen, and as such not think of you
But then the week rolls back around, the Tuesdays come again on cue
It’s raining once again... and so I sit and listen to the blues
Remembering the day you walked away, it’s really nothing new

Oh I suppose the music tends to sooth me in some ways
To ease the broken memories that linger, trapped within the haze
I still recall your dark browns eyes, the shy and gentle loving ways
I close my eyes and drift to you,
as I listen to the music play..

Dean Evans
12-15-14

I have no sad delusion life will end, though I’ll move on
Into endogenetic, and the stillness from which we were born
To lie there undisturbed, Earth Mother cradles us until she’s gone
These thoughts all race across my mind,
and I’m just trying to hang on
What happens then as I believe is, we‘re ****** into the stars
To sail the Solar winds alone, far beyond Jupiter and Mars
Living bits of energy, ride on the Cosmos intra vires
Somehow I can hear the sound, but it’s much too faint,
and far too far

I must admit I’m at a loss, to understand what may be true
The answers to my questions, as of now are hidden from my view
I contemplate the subject looking up, to skies of cobalt blue
Somewhere far in distant time, some ancient place...
we rise anew
To live and love yet once again, and know that we exist
To see the softness of your eyes, and feel that soothing, gentle kiss
It’s late and I must sleep, and so my thoughts begin to slowly drift
The stars revolve above me once again…
and so the dreams persist

A dream of immortality?... that’s partially correct
Perhaps a glimpse within a hope, one instant to gently reflect
Upon our awesome journey, and the thought that life will resurrect
Consider such a moment.. where you and I, and God connect
And so my friends do not distress, about life’s imminent demise
We’ll live again light years from now, for the Universe shall improvise
Heaven waits for those who see the light, and all it so implies
Look deep into the cobalt blue, and you'll find your dreams there...
in the skies.

Dean Evans
12-17-14

Every now and then I want to throw it all away
I fear my heart may burst, within the cold cruel light of day
The thought of you at times will leave my thoughts in disarray
Then somewhere on the wind your scent, Ah, soft and sweet bouquet
Perhaps my hope has witnessed restless memories depart
My mind left not in soft repose, your essence to impart
These visions ****** upon my mind such lovely, painful art
So that now, I know not how, my love lies torn apart

Remembering the way things were in the years that fate applied
Powerless, in dreams of you as love and loss collide
Deep within the darkness, where my memories reside
I implore my heart to answer me, my heart has not replied
And then I see you as you were, when you and I were one
Alone I lie, though in my mind the reasons come undone
Questions find no answers, though I search them one by one
My thoughts of you then forced into the loneliness of dawn

The tears, that fall in pairs are just as lonely as before
When last my heart deluged my eyes, to drop a thousand more
They fall together gracefully, and as I close the door
They lie in silent pools of broken glass upon my floor
In torn and tattered memories I dream I hear your voice
I struggle to survive those things insanity employs
Then rise to greet another setting sun, though not by choice
My hope is lost within the feelings hopeless now enjoys

I wonder when I’ll reach my lowest point of no return
To find the charred remains where love and happiness were burned
Ashes of my heart were scattered, as each season turned
Thoughts were disassembled, my mind unable to discern
And so my soul has witnessed restless memories depart
To leave my mind unable to begin again, to start
To believe in love again, or so at least in part
So that I, may know just why ...I’m Helpless...
to your heart.

Dean Evans
5-2-14

Languid eyes ambiguous, far across the boundless, barren wasteland.
Deficient of any diminutive respite that obtainable, abides within the desolate mind
No thoughts persist within, memories pass and fade as clouds upon the
swirling desert wind, that dissipates the past, future hidden beyond a
distant horizon, not yet in view...

Years unfurl without notice, no concept of the passage of time, and it’s
precipitance to leave me here alone, to inexorably drown beneath the harsh dunes of desperation. A silent and solitary countenance beheld,
No answers to the query of direction.
Emotion torn and tossed, life itself subservient, retched and destitute,
threadbare and daunted.
Precision, indecision vanquish and I, upon my back survey
the vastness of night...

And once again find myself in reverie, and irrevocable reflection
Of you.....

Dean Evans
9-27-13

These thoughts that I have placed in view
for your consideration
Sad words of loves refusal, and of heartaches
desperation
I’ve tried to touch your heart with mine,
with every new creation
I also offer you my pain although with hesitation.

These dreams I have while wide awake all race
across my mind
At times to send me thoughts of love
and gently to remind
Of days far lost in youth when love was
sweet and sharp, as wine
We drank it in, though now the memories
address my heart unkind

I truly write for no one else, although at times it seems
You may believe that I have power
far into your dreams
That somehow every now and then I hear you
as you scream
Only to read your heartache within
my beauteous regime

My words are chosen carefully for each
new fabrication
Each one must play its part to give the others
designation
Difficult to say the least, although I find formation
I smile to comments, words from you
in thoughtful admiration.

Some have said I have a certain agency with words
They see themselves and feel my thoughts,
within poetic verse
This has been my intention, as I willfully coerce
The feelings of the reader as we spiritually
converse

These thoughts I leave you now,
and for your consideration
Sweet dreams of love and happiness I’ll give you
in narration
And hope I’ve touched your heart with mine
in quiet celebration
I offer you my hopes and dreams...
in lyric conversation

Dean Evans
5-25-14

God knows I’ve tried to find a way to loves warm, sweet caress
I’ve searched inside the things that we have said
It’s hard to know what could’ve been for me and you, I guess
Whatever love once lived in me is dead...
Impossible for me to know, if we ever even cared
Memories that now, are lost in time
But I can still recall the easy laughter that we shared
The sound still echoes softly, in my mind...

In youth our lives stretched out ahead, an endless sea of years
Sorrow now finds space, inside my days
Time, and circumstance have left a tempest, sea of tears
Harsh winds of old, and age, lead me astray
So I sail upon my loneliness, and watch for loves embrace
Far across the years of past regret
Perhaps one day a breeze will ******* back to saving grace
But the waves have not been kind to me,
as yet...

Dean Evans
10/2/13

Reflection got the better of me, thoughts could not attune
So I, in quest of fresher air stepped out…
into the evening gloom
Looking back, I find the moment contrary... inopportune
For I found my sorrow hanging there...
beneath the pale, and haunting Moon
I told my story to the wind, and I slowly closed my eyes
I then released my reverie …where apparitions still arise
A thought of then, and all the while my heart advising it unwise
Then as I looked the clouds moved in…
and I saw my tears fall from the skies

I watched my sorrow rising up...imagining the awesome view
Illusionary images... beneath the endless royal blue
I feel afferent vertigo, and so a sense of deja vu’
I glide along, so far above my wasted years...
and dream of you
Our lives lie there below me, in this aerial supposition
The years pass quickly by, on my intellectual expedition
I see from far above where love and loss saw their collision
So now, the Moon and I… remain...
so sadly unforgiven

I love you, goes unheard...un-read, to soar with the prevailing wind
Dropping low to haunt my lonesome dreams with nightmares,
now and then
Then as the morning comes around, the sky above stays dark... again
My happiness now lost...
within the realm of sorrows cruel domain
So now, I must decline the day... refuse the cloudless afternoon
Reside within the faded blue, locked far inside this empty room
I tell you this please listen closely… you, yourself are not immune
Your loneliness lies waiting there ...
beneath the pale, and haunting Moon

Dean Evans
12-29-14

Awakened rather suddenly, no lamp burns in my room
I hear the sound of breaking glass, out somewhere in the gloom
Adrift upon the wind, I catch the scent of your perfume
I light my fire, against cold desire… and another dream of you
Rising from the fire I witness, deep.. within the flames
The truth of my own loneliness.. and the heartbreak it proclaims
The moments of our time together's, ..silent silver frames
What part of love, and life lies dead in the shards..
that still remain

I run toward the open window, to close the night away
Again I get a sense of drifting.. soft, and sweet bouquet
The shadows, there.. behind me, offer radiant display
Against the wind, that’s blowing in.. on sorrow’s cruel ballet
The soaking rain of sadness cannot penetrate my mind
I gaze into the hearth, and witness love and loss..sublime
I turn away, this storm of dreams..my memories combined
I close my eyes, no questions why,
the reasons..undefined

Unclear to me if I have hope to keep the night ablaze
And so with it your memory, to keep alone.. at bay
I must admit I‘m weary, perhaps.. my thoughts in disarray
The window cracks, I don’t look back..
the wind shall have it’s way
Each new apparition seems to further hesitation
Peering in the flames, I see the doors to my damnation
The window crashes once again.. another accusation
The embers dim, the rain comes in..
to witness love’s cremation

I sit in silence, no attempts at shelter..from the storm
The wind and rain now fight it out, with comforting..and warm
My thoughts are flowing rapidly, impossible the norm
So I relax, lie slowly back.. and question what may come
To finally greet the mystery, acknowledgement of doubt
To know what darkness really means, absent of faith devout
The lightning brings disclosure, I can hear the thunder shout
I bow my head, the fire is dead, I see the flame..
go out.

Dean Evans
9-26-14

Oh, to be a sad balloon... and sail the wayward wind alone
To leave this troubled world behind, embark upon the vast unknown
Yet somewhere.. I can hear the soulful song that loneliness intones
I realize that there are things your heart, and mine…
could not condone
It seems that I may so escape my darkness.. in the shining sky
Perhaps to drift away in blue, where sorrow fails to underlie
I hope you realize, within my dreams… I never saw you cry
I rise to sad uncertainty, with cigarette and eau de vie

I wait for the approaching light, and hope to witness healing dawn
The sun however, fails to so provide what hearts depend upon
But I suppose the wind has seen to ordination .. love foregone
To leave my spirit resolute, embodiment of hope withdrawn
These thoughts that crowd my mind at times, have left me strangely ill at ease
Though I recall my dreams of love, do not misunderstand me please
My aspirations lie above, and there are many thoughts of these
Until my sorrow once again, arrives upon the savage breeze

To leave me here in desolation, endeavoring to soar the skies
To wonder, when will truth contend... dispatch the dread and dire lies
Can I have hope of happiness?... well I don’t know...but I surmise
My sorrow stands as barricade, for tears I’ve placed there in your eyes
So I aspire to ride the wind, out far beyond the waning moon
To leave disorder furthermost, where love and kindness
then commune
So I may know the many reasons, hearts were broken... much too soon
I bid farewell to radiance,
in a wretched ode to a sad balloon...

Dean Evans
12-31-14