Every now and then I want to throw it all away
I fear my heart may burst, within the cold cruel light of day
The thought of you at times will leave my thoughts in disarray
Then somewhere on the wind your scent, Ah, soft and sweet bouquet
Perhaps my hope has witnessed restless memories depart
My mind left not in soft repose, your essence to impart
These visions ****** upon my mind such lovely, painful art
So that now, I know not how, my love lies torn apart

Remembering the way things were in the years that fate applied
Powerless, in dreams of you as love and loss collide
Deep within the darkness, where my memories reside
I implore my heart to answer me, my heart has not replied
And then I see you as you were, when you and I were one
Alone I lie, though in my mind the reasons come undone
Questions find no answers, though I search them one by one
My thoughts of you then forced into the loneliness of dawn

The tears, that fall in pairs are just as lonely as before
When last my heart deluged my eyes, to drop a thousand more
They fall together gracefully, and as I close the door
They lie in silent pools of broken glass upon my floor
In torn and tattered memories I dream I hear your voice
I struggle to survive those things insanity employs
Then rise to greet another setting sun, though not by choice
My hope is lost within the feelings hopeless now enjoys

I wonder when I’ll reach my lowest point of no return
To find the charred remains where love and happiness were burned
Ashes of my heart were scattered, as each season turned
Thoughts were disassembled, my mind unable to discern
And so my soul has witnessed restless memories depart
To leave my mind unable to begin again, to start
To believe in love again, or so at least in part
So that I, may know just why ...I’m Helpless...
to your heart.

Dean Evans
5-2-14

Languid eyes ambiguous, far across the boundless, barren wasteland.
Deficient of any diminutive respite that obtainable, abides within the desolate mind
No thoughts persist within, memories pass and fade as clouds upon the
swirling desert wind, that dissipates the past, future hidden beyond a
distant horizon, not yet in view...

Years unfurl without notice, no concept of the passage of time, and it’s
precipitance to leave me here alone, to inexorably drown beneath the harsh dunes of desperation. A silent and solitary countenance beheld,
No answers to the query of direction.
Emotion torn and tossed, life itself subservient, retched and destitute,
threadbare and daunted.
Precision, indecision vanquish and I, upon my back survey
the vastness of night...

And once again find myself in reverie, and irrevocable reflection
Of you.....

Dean Evans
9-27-13

These thoughts that I have placed in view
for your consideration
Sad words of loves refusal, and of heartaches
desperation
I’ve tried to touch your heart with mine,
with every new creation
I also offer you my pain although with hesitation.

These dreams I have while wide awake all race
across my mind
At times to send me thoughts of love
and gently to remind
Of days far lost in youth when love was
sweet and sharp, as wine
We drank it in, though now the memories
address my heart unkind

I truly write for no one else, although at times it seems
You may believe that I have power
far into your dreams
That somehow every now and then I hear you
as you scream
Only to read your heartache within
my beauteous regime

My words are chosen carefully for each
new fabrication
Each one must play its part to give the others
designation
Difficult to say the least, although I find formation
I smile to comments, words from you
in thoughtful admiration.

Some have said I have a certain agency with words
They see themselves and feel my thoughts,
within poetic verse
This has been my intention, as I willfully coerce
The feelings of the reader as we spiritually
converse

These thoughts I leave you now,
and for your consideration
Sweet dreams of love and happiness I’ll give you
in narration
And hope I’ve touched your heart with mine
in quiet celebration
I offer you my hopes and dreams...
in lyric conversation

Dean Evans
5-25-14

God knows I’ve tried to find a way to loves warm, sweet caress
I’ve searched inside the things that we have said
It’s hard to know what could’ve been for me and you, I guess
Whatever love once lived in me is dead...
Impossible for me to know, if we ever even cared
Memories that now, are lost in time
But I can still recall the easy laughter that we shared
The sound still echoes softly, in my mind...

In youth our lives stretched out ahead, an endless sea of years
Sorrow now finds space, inside my days
Time, and circumstance have left a tempest, sea of tears
Harsh winds of old, and age, lead me astray
So I sail upon my loneliness, and watch for loves embrace
Far across the years of past regret
Perhaps one day a breeze will ******* back to saving grace
But the waves have not been kind to me,
as yet...

Dean Evans
10/2/13

Reflection got the better of me, thoughts could not attune
So I, in quest of fresher air stepped out…
into the evening gloom
Looking back, I find the moment contrary... inopportune
For I found my sorrow hanging there...
beneath the pale, and haunting Moon
I told my story to the wind, and I slowly closed my eyes
I then released my reverie …where apparitions still arise
A thought of then, and all the while my heart advising it unwise
Then as I looked the clouds moved in…
and I saw my tears fall from the skies

I watched my sorrow rising up...imagining the awesome view
Illusionary images... beneath the endless royal blue
I feel afferent vertigo, and so a sense of deja vu’
I glide along, so far above my wasted years...
and dream of you
Our lives lie there below me, in this aerial supposition
The years pass quickly by, on my intellectual expedition
I see from far above where love and loss saw their collision
So now, the Moon and I… remain...
so sadly unforgiven

I love you, goes unheard...un-read, to soar with the prevailing wind
Dropping low to haunt my lonesome dreams with nightmares,
now and then
Then as the morning comes around, the sky above stays dark... again
My happiness now lost...
within the realm of sorrows cruel domain
So now, I must decline the day... refuse the cloudless afternoon
Reside within the faded blue, locked far inside this empty room
I tell you this please listen closely… you, yourself are not immune
Your loneliness lies waiting there ...
beneath the pale, and haunting Moon

Dean Evans
12-29-14

Awakened rather suddenly, no lamp burns in my room
I hear the sound of breaking glass, out somewhere in the gloom
Adrift upon the wind, I catch the scent of your perfume
I light my fire, against cold desire… and another dream of you
Rising from the fire I witness, deep.. within the flames
The truth of my own loneliness.. and the heartbreak it proclaims
The moments of our time together's, ..silent silver frames
What part of love, and life lies dead in the shards..
that still remain

I run toward the open window, to close the night away
Again I get a sense of drifting.. soft, and sweet bouquet
The shadows, there.. behind me, offer radiant display
Against the wind, that’s blowing in.. on sorrow’s cruel ballet
The soaking rain of sadness cannot penetrate my mind
I gaze into the hearth, and witness love and loss..sublime
I turn away, this storm of dreams..my memories combined
I close my eyes, no questions why,
the reasons..undefined

Unclear to me if I have hope to keep the night ablaze
And so with it your memory, to keep alone.. at bay
I must admit I‘m weary, perhaps.. my thoughts in disarray
The window cracks, I don’t look back..
the wind shall have it’s way
Each new apparition seems to further hesitation
Peering in the flames, I see the doors to my damnation
The window crashes once again.. another accusation
The embers dim, the rain comes in..
to witness love’s cremation

I sit in silence, no attempts at shelter..from the storm
The wind and rain now fight it out, with comforting..and warm
My thoughts are flowing rapidly, impossible the norm
So I relax, lie slowly back.. and question what may come
To finally greet the mystery, acknowledgement of doubt
To know what darkness really means, absent of faith devout
The lightning brings disclosure, I can hear the thunder shout
I bow my head, the fire is dead, I see the flame..
go out.

Dean Evans
9-26-14

Oh, to be a sad balloon... and sail the wayward wind alone
To leave this troubled world behind, embark upon the vast unknown
Yet somewhere.. I can hear the soulful song that loneliness intones
I realize that there are things your heart, and mine…
could not condone
It seems that I may so escape my darkness.. in the shining sky
Perhaps to drift away in blue, where sorrow fails to underlie
I hope you realize, within my dreams… I never saw you cry
I rise to sad uncertainty, with cigarette and eau de vie

I wait for the approaching light, and hope to witness healing dawn
The sun however, fails to so provide what hearts depend upon
But I suppose the wind has seen to ordination .. love foregone
To leave my spirit resolute, embodiment of hope withdrawn
These thoughts that crowd my mind at times, have left me strangely ill at ease
Though I recall my dreams of love, do not misunderstand me please
My aspirations lie above, and there are many thoughts of these
Until my sorrow once again, arrives upon the savage breeze

To leave me here in desolation, endeavoring to soar the skies
To wonder, when will truth contend... dispatch the dread and dire lies
Can I have hope of happiness?... well I don’t know...but I surmise
My sorrow stands as barricade, for tears I’ve placed there in your eyes
So I aspire to ride the wind, out far beyond the waning moon
To leave disorder furthermost, where love and kindness
then commune
So I may know the many reasons, hearts were broken... much too soon
I bid farewell to radiance,
in a wretched ode to a sad balloon...

Dean Evans
12-31-14