in the winter it grew colder. the trees were losing they're lives. the air gained a cold breeze. I only expected it to be yet another cold winter waiting for the year to be over, like I do every year. I was losing the smile I had in the spring. I wanted it back, but I didn't know how to. I lost it with the warm weather.

I sat in my room pondering, "what's next?" "am I gonna end this winter just as I did last year?" and all of a sudden, in the chill of december, a reason, my reason, for my smile creeped back in.

it was you. the one with the smile that makes mine grow as wide as possible. the one with the eyes I could look into for minutes at a time and never not be memorized by. you were back, and I have a feeling you're here to stay.

with you, everyone's cold winter is a warm spring day for me. every minute spent with you is better than the last. I forget the chill in the air, because the warmth and comfort of being in your arms makes it unknown to me.

you're a light on my dreary winter day. the cold air drips all around me but I don't notice because your warm smile reminds me of being wrapped in the fuzziest blanket imaginable.

I remember what it felt like, it's kinda fuzzy, but in the haze of the past 16 days I can still feel the traces on your nails on my freckled skin, I often feel your fingers laced with mine only to look down and see that's far from the case and that my fingers are still frail and empty.

I saw you yesterday, I think I tripped over my heart when I first saw you, the way you still had the smile that I let myself fall for 5 months ago in the magic of that warm february night.

It felt like a kick in the stomach every time you got near me and didn't miss me, didn't debate with me on you thinking I am beautiful, or not molding my lips softly into yours.

I am selfish. I don't want you to be happy, I want you to miss me. I want you to show me you still care, and that the tears I shed weren't a waste of the water I have in my body.

it's like you were my abductor. at least that's how I see you, you were like a kidnapper, abducting every last one of my thoughts against my will and I had no control over it. I am practically like a helpless child who has been abducted and is hidden away from anyone and everyone, only instead of being hidden away, my thoughts are held captive against my will to be constantly set on how things should have been between us, only you don't know where I am. I constantly feel like a child locked away in some hidden room so no one can find me, only I am locked in my mind to dwell on what I should have done so this thing wouldn't have happened. I am just sitting waiting for someone to come rescue me, to call 911 because they found me, only I have to be rescued from myself, because I am my own abductor, because I control my thoughts that only consist of you and they way your smile shines like a thousand stars, or how your eyes twinkle when the light hits them in that certain spot, the thought of how you aren't ticklish, but when I try to tickle you you come after me and I giggle like a little kid with cotton candy. I want to always remember the beautiful memories that I will always carry with me, the memory of the way you abducted me in every part of who i am. so if this is abduction...
I cant decide if I want them to rescue me

        L.K.W

all I wanted was you. I wanted to be there for you at 3:00 am when no one else was awake to listen to you and let you tell them what was going on in that mysterious mind of yours. I wanted to be that girl you called yours and wouldn't ever let me go. I wanted you to call me beautiful and I would disagree with you to no ends because I always would and you would always disagree back. I wanted to be that person that consumed your every thought. you know  like how when you are a kid when you go to sleep on Christmas Eve and you are laying there wondering in the morning what are the amazing things you are going to get. I wanted to become a part of who you are and who you will become. I wanted you tell me the I deserved the world even though I would tell you I wouldn't know what to do with it because I am such a realist and can never just say something like "that's so sweet". I wanted to be the reason that you smile that perfect smile of yours. all these things are the things I use to always think about how much I wanted but now all I think I want is to be able to shake the overwhelming thoughts of you away from my mind it's almost like you made your own little place in my brain and don't even know it, or like you engraved yourself into my soul, devouring my never ending thoughts. maybe one day I will give you that kid on Christmas morning feeling, or maybe we will give that feeling to someone else someday because of what we learned from each other. I will forever wonder about what was, what could have been, and what will never be. but for now it's time to forget all the things we could have been, and the things we never will be. and the things we didn't get to share, and the things we did. it's time to move on and just be me.
    
      - L.K.W

a mess of poetry.
There was something in the way you first looked at me, i think it was probably similar to the way i looked at you, with curiosity. we walked into each others lives so randomly and i think that is intrigues me so much is the way you slowly became a part of my story that one day i will tell, but slowly we walked out of each others sight, but never out of each others thoughts… I think everyone needs to walk away and so i don’t blame either of us for things that could’ve but didn’t happen because we walked away because after awhile we couldn’t take the overwhelming sound that was coming from the silence between us and we walked right back to the comforting aroma that is talking to the other/// honestly i don’t know where we are going from where we are right now but i am perfectly fine with staying in the comfort of what is the here and now, as long has you will have me in your here an now… just know you are more than welcome in mine,

my mind is a wonderland, the darkness it holds clouds out the light way more than it should majority of the time and I can’t seem to change that difficult fact. I want to know what its like to not be constantly drowning in my reoccurring worries and thoughts that I can never seem to get away from. I am constantly worrying that I will be left behind one day, or I will let all of the important people in my life slip through my delicate fingers because I was to worried about what the people that don’t matter would think of me. when I was a little girl, it was my mission in life to make everyone around me happy by serving them in any possible way and even compromise my own happiness and wants and needs to please the others around me, to make them have the best picture they could ever paint of me in their eyes… but the truth, is i’m not that little girl anymore, I still have my want to give to people and help them get what they want out of life… but i have a better sense of when I need to put myself first and a better sense of when I need to be last. and I think this new found fining of myself, maybe just maybe will help me from drowning in my thoughts, but instead hlp me swim to the surface and finally just…. breathe.