I feel haunted
Nothing feels right
The only reason I’m here
Is to show them what to avoid
I’m a mistake
Caught up in the drama
Never being able to run
Away from all my problems
I’m weak
I can’t control my feelings
Anger boils
As I try to go to my beginnings
When things weren’t so harsh
When I could be anything I wanted
When I could have the world
But now it’s all nothing
I feel dead
Inside and out
The cuts across my wrists
Prove how much I want to cease to exist
Blood spatters
In my dreams every night
My death replaying in my mind
And I want it to be reality
No one would miss me
I could just disappear
No one would cry by my grave
No one would feel despair
And why should they?
I’m just a mistake
I can’t do anything right
No matter how hard I fake
I act all happy
On the surface, you would never know
How hard it is
To stop the water work’s flow
I cry myself to sleep
As my wrists bleed
I’m sitting there
Wondering if anyone would hear me
Hear me scream
Life is so unfair
Running away from my problems
Running away from my dreams
Never once looking back
Because if I do, all I’ll get is pain
A never ending void
Full of torment from the years
Years of working
And to what end?
No one will even know I’m here
No one will even care
All they’ll see
When they look at my broken body
Is a girl broken beyond repair
And fixing it
In a way that is all too common
Suicide is never the answer
Neither is pain
It’s what I’ve been told all my life
But does it have any meaning?
Life is full of pain
It’s impossible to avoid
Death comes one way or another
Suicide just fills the void
I’m curious
I’m in pain
My head hurts
From trying to ease it
The never ending torture
That consumes me day and night
The way that I hold back my tears
So that they never see my cry
I hide behind walls
So tall no one knows I’m here
To everyone else I’m happy
But to myself, I’m an epic fail
I can’t seem to find the words
My capture is eternal
My prison in the dark
Of such a huge jail
A prison for the hurt
The sad the lonely the weak
The people who can’t seem to think
About anything but what happened
What happened to them
And everyone else
Having to live with a mistake
They must hate me
Hate my guts for using their air
Hate my face for being so fake
Hate me voice, I always sound so happy
Hate me, the person in hiding
Behind her violence
Behind her laughs
There’s a never ending war
To stay or to leave?
Death is at every door
Tempting me to an early fate
And while life is fun and all
The temptation is too much to take
I slit my wrists
Slit my throat
Watch the blood flow
As I fade
Fade from the world
Where no one cared
They can guess where I’ve gone
But only I will know
Know how it feels to always be alone
Never want to open up
Afraid someone will leave if you do
Afraid that they’ll try to cure you
But what’s the cure for emotions?
The cure for hatred?
If there was one
Humanity lost it long ago
Love for each other
And love for one’s self
Disappeared so far in the past
No one can even find fossils
So I sit here
Pouring out my heart
And what do you think?
Lets go to the bar
She’s not worth it
We’ll just leave her here
She’ll just go away
If we don’t care
And I couldn’t agree more
Anyone who comes near
Will be chasing a ghost
Long ago dead
Dead of her own despair
At being alive
In this ****** place
At living with people full of hate
But what can she say of others hating her?
They say to have people love you
You have to love yourself
And I’m too much of a mess up to ever come close
I hate my life
I hate myself
I might have friends
But they’ll never know
The struggle it is
Just to get out of bed
The reason my wrists
Are bleeding today
Everyday it’s something new
Last time it was happiness
The drug that everyone craves
The reason we all go after our dreams
But what do I do
When I gave up on my dreams so long ago
I can’t even remember what I want
Or who I am
I’ve been playing this game for so long
I’ve brought myself to a breaking point
To let someone in
Will it be a friend or the devil
I can’t remember what makes me laugh
Only that I’m supposed to do it
I can’t remember what the word “joy” means
Only that I’m supposed to crave it
Like everyone else
Love should be my drug
But what happens when I don’t want to care
The only thing I want isn’t here
It’s in some place that no living thing has ever breached
So place so desolate people fear it
But not me
I long to go there
Long to go into the pits of hell
Where I’ll always be in pain
The pain I deserve
For even existing.