There is only one person on my mind
When I close my eyes and dream.
I cannot get that person out of my mind.
No matter how hard I try, I cannot do it.

It feels like I’m living my dream
Every day and every night.
I don’t want to leave or make it stop
Because I want it to last forever.

Everything in my dream is in slow motion
And everything is so clear and vivid
That my dream is like a movie.
My dream is like a movie with no end in sight.

The star of my movie is you.
When I close my eyes,
I see you smiling, laughing, being yourself.
I don’t want this movie to end.

Your beautiful hair blowing in the breeze.
Your beautiful face without any make up on.
Your beautiful smile and beautiful laugh
That brightens my day and my life.

I don’t want these images to disappear.
I want to be mesmerized by your eyes
That are like stars in the night sky
And they look over me when I need guidance.

I do not want this dream to end
Because I am afraid that everything will be lost
And I will lose you forever.
I want to live this dream forever.

I want to be living a dream.

Every day we live in fear.
We fear our past, present, and future.
We fear our families and friends.
We fear our actions
And the reactions of others
Towards our appearance, our actions,
And their reactions towards us.

We ask ourselves why.
Why are we even here?
Why are we still living if all we live in fear?
We look in the mirror
And we ask ourselves if it’s worth living.

We cannot live in fear
We cannot take this feeling
We cannot keep on hiding
From everything and everyone that we fear.
We have to stand up to our fears and say
No more.

Every day and night it rains
Wherever we are
But it’s not raining anywhere else.
We try to stop this rain
But it rains harder.
We become drenched in our emotions
And our hearts become flooded with our fears.

No matter how hard we try
To stop the rain and flood
We can only stop our tears
That we cry when we are alone
Thinking about our fears and our feelings.

We need a reason to stay here;
We need a reason to fight our fears.
We can’t take it anymore
And we can’t fight it anymore.
We look in the mirror
And we see our reason to stay and fight
Let’s do it for no one but ourselves.

I’m imperfect.
I’m damaged,
Flawed,
“Diseased”.
I’ve done things that I’m not
Proud of.
I’ve failed more times than
I want to admit.
I hate myself,
I’m overwhelmed,
I’m tired,
Burnt out.
I don’t wanna do this
Anymore.
I want to throw my hands
Up and give up.
I want to close my eyes
And sleep,
Sleep until I become
Numb
To the world,
The negativity of
Everything,
Everyone,
Myself.
Sleep until I’m finally
Happy.
I’m imperfect.
But I am who
I am.
My imperfections make me
The person I am,
The person I’ll become.
I’m empathetic,
Loving,
Caring,
Special.
I’m happy,
Loved,
Supported,
Embraced.
I was a student but now
I’m a teacher to others
With my imperfections
And my story.

Am I imperfect?
Nope.
Am I perfect?
Yea...ok
Hello world,
My name is
David Chin
And I’m...
I’m...
Imperfectly perfect.

We always say to forget the Past,
Just look forward to the Future.
The Past is the Past and it will
Never change.
What’s important is the Present
And how it’ll lead into the Future.

Don’t think about the Past, they say.
It’s all in the Past, they say.
Look back at your Past, I say.
It’s all about your Past, I say.
I dare you, no, I triple dog dare you
To look in the mirror every day and night.

Tell yourself what you see…your scars,
The expression of your face, yourself.
Pay attention to your eyes, your hair,
The color and complexion of your skin.
We have the same eyes, hair, and skin as
Our grandparents and their grandparents.

Our present is shaped by our ancestors, and
If we look into our eyes, we can see what
They have to endure so we can be who we
Are today and who we can be tomorrow.
The hardship, pain, and struggle they endured
Made them stronger and make our skins thicker.

To forget our past is impossible because
Our past is the reason we are who we are.
Respect thyself and thy past for He loves
You for who you are and who you’ll become.
For He sees potential in thee and thy Past
Is the path to greatness, success, and happiness.

Close your eyes...
Take a few deep breaths...
All I hear in my head is...
Failure.

No matter how hard
I try to get that outta
My head...
It echoes.

Failure...
What does that
Even mean?
Am I a...

Am I a failure?
Most will say
Yeah...
I am.

I lost count of
How many times
I’ve failed and
Wanted to give up.

College #1...
Too many classes...
And semesters...
Life?

Maybe...
Maybe I am a...
Failure?
Maybe not?

I looked back on
The things I’ve done
When I fell so far down
And I feel blessed.

Been an EMT for 10 years...
Worked in the ED for 5 years...
Saved hundreds of lives...
Birthed a few.

I cried...
I screamed...
I wanted to quit...
But I didn’t.

When I failed...
I learned so much
About myself
And my purpose.

I learned empathy,
To not hide my emotions,
That things happen
For a reason.

I learned that
It’s ok to fall
But just get back up.
We all fall down.

I learned that
So many people
Support me and
Love me.

I learned that
I’m not alone
And I’m never
Alone.

I learned that
The first few falls
Hurt the most
But it’ll be ok.

I’m never alone.
I’m never alone.
I’m...
I’m never alone.

Am I a failure?
When I close my eyes...
All that echoes is...
You got this!

Am I a failure?
Hell no!

The world is full of hate.
Black versus White.
Cops versus unarmed teens.
Israel versus Palestine.
Terrorism!

Innocents lives are lost every second.
Mothers and fathers are crying
Over the loss of their children.
Children are crying over the loss
Of their parents and friends.

Senseless fighting because one
Group is different from the other
And their views and beliefs are
No where close to being the same.
People dying over senseless things.

Another generation is lost
Thanks to the senseless fighting and
Hatred that engulf their lives.
All we do is point our fingers
At each other and be violent.

There is so much hatred in the world
Because, like hot air in a cool room,
Hate rises above us all and
It rises above Love but
We can overcome the Hatred.

Let's start a rEVOLution,
Overpower the Hatred with Love.
Spread positive messages and energy.
Spread the Love, not the Hate
Because Love wins in the end.

No matter the name we give Him,
We are all His children.
He wants us to be Happy
And He wants us to Love
Each other as He loves everyone.

We're all His children and
Hatred and Harm to one group
Are Hatred and Harm to all.
We're all connected by the
Threads of His tapestry call Life.

You pull on one thread
And the other threads follow.
One by one the threads will fall
And the entire tapestry will crumble;
Life and Love will be no more.

Let's start a rEVOLution
And spread the Warmth and Love
That we all desire to feel.
Paint the world in yellow,
Not red and blue.

We deserve to Love and to Live,
To make the world a better
Place for our children and theirs.
Paint the world with rainbows and
Sunshine, not with dark clouds.

Come together for a common cause.
Put the disagreement and pain
And Hate aside and unite.
Come together and start a rEVOLution
If not for us, then for the future.

Crashing and burning
I feel my whole world,
My whole life falling down.
Everything around me
Is falling apart and
I’m falling in slow motion
Into the fiery pits of hell
To spend eternity with
My demons as they snicker
With joy and excitement.
I thought that was the end,
My demons have won.
But with every passing second,
I begin to and I will rise up
Slowly but surely, because
It’s a long journey to return
To where I was before all
This crap even started but
I know that I’ll get there
Eventually with the love and
Support of my friends and family.
Through the ashes of my
Past mistakes and battles,
I will rise up like the Phoenix
Higher than before above
My demons and I’ll shock
The world and myself by
Becoming the person I was
Meant to be,
Created by the hands of God
For I am stronger than
My past, my mistakes, and
Who I thought I couldn’t be.
I may have fallen numerous
Times in the past,
I may have felt like given up,
I may have wanted to say
Good night
To my friends and family
Forever for I can’t go on anymore.
I may have closed the curtains
On my life,
But still I rise like the Phoenix.
Still I rise.

I’m a mirror
Falling off the
Wall
Crashing into
A million pieces.

I tried putting myself
Back together
But I don’t
Recognize who
I see anymore.

I’m disfigured,
I don’t recognize the
Person staring back at me,
The person I’ve
Become.

I’m a pane
Of glass falling
From the 20th
Floor
Crashing down below.

I’m a million
Pieces of sharp
Edges
Cutting whoever
Tries to get close.

I cut whoever
Tries to help
Me
Because I’m
Broken.

My life’s not perfect,
I’m hurting
From within,
My heart is crying
With every beat.

I don’t know what
To do because
My mind
Is clouded by
Thoughts and emotions.

Negativity hover over
Me like vultures
Over meat in the
Desert
Ominously, hungry.

I’m a picture that
A child knocks off
The mantle
Cracking the glass
Into a million pieces.

I try to pick myself
Up but the pieces
Are too tiny
And sharp
That they cuts so deep.

With every breath I take,
The pieces pierce
My heart
And I keep on
Bleeding.

I’m fragile,
Handle with care,
But it’s too late
For that because
I’m already broken.

Hey how was your day? It was ok I guess
I don’t know what else to say
Or how else to describe the “normal” day
In the life of someone who just wants each day to pass

Smoothly and quietly so I won’t suffer any more
Because my head is spinning outta control
And I...I hate to admit but it’s taking its toll
To the point where I’m always “tired” and becoming a bore.

What is reality and what is fiction
Cloud my head and my thoughts
And I can’t feel anything but remorse
Because I’m losing traction towards my mission

Of being the best that I can be.
Wanna go to the beach today?
I wish I could but I don’t know what to say
And how to say it so I tell y’all that I wanna flee

Because I’m too busy and I’m too tired.
I tried telling y’all what that means to me
But no matter how hard I try, y’all just disagree
And believe that I’m nothing but just a coward

But the truth is my “tiredness” and “busyness” are overwhelming
And I feel like I can’t keep on going
Or living the life I’m living right now because not knowing
What life will bring me the next second is numbing.

Y’all think I was lying when I say that I’m busy
And the truth is...yea I am lying
I’m not lying about being busy though; I’m dying
And what’s going on in my head is making me dizzy.

I’m busy in ways that many people don’t understand:
I’m busy breathing deeper
My heart is racing like a NASCAR driver
And I’m busy calming it down and

I’m busy telling myself every day and night
And every moment that I’m okay.
Deep down I’m searching for the words to say
To my friends and family that I’m alright

But I’m screaming on the inside
Because I’m done hiding from all y’all
And I’m done feeling so **** small.
I’m gonna take every stride with pride rather than run and hide

From my fears and demons because I have so much pride
In the person I have become
And I’m done feeling numb
So I decide to not be denied

From reaching  my dream to provide
Happiness and laughter worldwide
Alongside taking care of those who think why’d
Nobody is taking care of us but I’ll stand up say I’d

Dear diary,
How was my day?
Oh you know...
The usual.

My little ray of sunshine,
You being nothing but joy
And laughter to my life.
You bring warmth to my heart.

Every time you smile,
I can’t help but smile.
Every time your laugh,
I can’t help but laugh more.

Your cute, soft voice saying
“Bless you, Uncle David!”
When I sneezed that one time
Still echoes when I need a smile.

Your infectious giggles as
I tickle your belly or your toes
Makes me giggle like a schoolgirl
At a Hello Kitty store or seeing K-pop.

Your little smile, from ear to ear,
Showing your little, baby teeth
Brings smile to my smile
Even in my darkest of times.

Watching you do the “Baby Shark”
Dance last Thanksgiving brought
Endless smiles and laughter and
I watch it every time I can’t go on.

When I hear that you tell your class
That “my Uncle David’s gonna be a
Doctor”
I choke up and tears flow down my face.

I think of you during my darkest times
When I have my depressive phases and
Suicidal thoughts
Because I wanna make you proud

To have me as your Uncle David,
To see you smile and hear you laugh
More than I do now,
To hear you tell me someday

“I’m proud of you, Uncle David.
I’m proud to call you my uncle.
You’re my inspiration, role model.
I wanna be you when I grow up.”

Seeing you grow up in pictures
Make me miss you more and more
But I bust my *** every day and night
To make sure you can tell your class

“My Uncle David is a doctor!”
I watch your pictures and videos
And I tear and cry because you’re
Growing so fast before my eyes.

Charlotte Harper,
Thank you for being my ray of
Sunshine and for bringing me
Smile and laughter.

Thank you for being my reason
To wake up every morning and
Sleeping every night.
I’m here for you, Charlotte Harper

My big ray of sunshine.

You try to push me down
You try to push me around
But I dug my roots in and
I held my firmly held my ground.

When the harsh winters glistened
My body with snow and frost,
My heart and soul, and the embrace
Of my friends and family blanket me

With warmth, love and happiness
And all the frost and ice that I felt
Just melt away and I’m left with
A fire burning in my heart and soul,

A raging fire that never goes out
No matter much negativity that’s
Running through my head like
Rumors spreading in high school.

You pour endless amount of rain
On me and my life trying to drown
Me knowing that I can neither swim
Nor float but I made it though

The torrential downpour because
My friends and family are there with
A life raft guiding me along the way
Like tugboats guiding ships.

You try to ******* down with
Your powerful winds and
Every time I tumble and fall
I get back up and stand taller.

I was your personal punching bag
And I took your punches like a man
But your strikes hit me deeper in my
Heart and I cry every time it beats.

But unbeknownst to you,
With every punch you toughened my
Skin and formed callouses
And I stand tougher than before.

You think I became less of a man
Than I think I really am because
You thought you broke me
With every abuse you threw my way.

You think I’ll become less of a man
Than I think I can become because
My mind is already ****** up and
My heart broken with your words.

You think you have me in your grasp,
That you have me under your control
But still I rise.
Still I rise.

Keep holding on,
Keep moving forward
I just wanna let you know
That I’m proud.

You’ve been through hell
And back many times,
And you’ve battled so many
Demons.

You’ve been stuck in an
Endless nightmare for too long
And clouds of negativity
Hovering over you

Like vultures over meat
In the desert ominously
With thoughts of self harm
Surprising you at every corner.

You were stuck in a dark,
Empty room inside your head
That was too loud for you
To think, to live, to love yourself.

But you held on,
Your heart tuned the voices out
And you stayed fighting for
What you’ve believed in.

You never gave up
When time got so tough
That you wanted to throw
In the towel and walk away.

You stayed with me,
When you felt like you can’t
Go on since nothing has gone
The way you wanted them to go

But you never doubted yourself
Even though it felt like you did,
You heard my voice as I tell you
That you can do whatever you want

Because you’re so much more
Than you think you are and
Capable of so much more
Than you can imagine.

You’ve gone through hell
And back so many times
But you held on for the ride,
You closed your eyes,

And you tuned the voices
In your head and in your heart out.
You’re gonna be great and
You’re gonna do great things.

I just wanna let you know that
I’m never gonna let you go;
I just wanna let you know that
I’m proud.

I stare at you
Every morning
As I wonder
If it’s worth
Getting ready.

I stare at you
Every night
As I question
Myself why
I’m even here.

You embody everything
That is negative —
The feelings of helplessness,
Hopelessness, worthlessness
And thoughts of self harm.

Every time I see you
My chest tightens
And my heart is heavy,
And I feel like someone
Left the faucet on

As the tears form in my
Eyes and as they flow
Down my face and
I can taste the pain
That you’ve brought

To me and into my life —
All the missed events
With friends and family,
The precious seconds
That I could’ve spent

By myself,
Improving my sense of
Self worth and what I
Can bring to society and
Most importantly to myself.

But instead I stand there
Looking into your dark,
Black, empty eyes as
You stare back at me
And I feel my soul being

Taken out of my body
And my heart being twisted
By your dark, cold hands
With your nails digging
Deeper and deeper until I bleed.

You shove my head into
The toilet bowl like back
In high school until I gasp
For air every time I come up
And I suffocate with

Every breath because the
Air I breathe in is the same
Air that your breathe out
And it’s toxic and poisonous
Like the air our great grandfathers

Breathed back in World War I
Mustard gas they called it.
I call it by another name
But they have the same
Effects and I call it Life.

You stare at me with your
Cold eyes and I can feel
My heart, my soul let out
An endless cry as you plunge
The knife deeper and deeper.

You whisper into my ears
That I should say good bye
To the world forever because
My friends and family are better
Off without me.

You snicker loudly as I hold
The knife against my wrists
Shaking with fear and regret
With tears flowing my cheeks
And I cowardly make shallow


Cuts until I begin to bleed
But then I stopped myself
Because I realized who you are,
I recognized the face staring back
At me as I stare at you.

You copy everything I do,
Every move I make,
Every word I speak
And every thought I think
You are my reflection.

Let me tell you about
My fam —
No names needed;
Y’all know who you are.

They keep me straight
On my path that
God intended me to travel
On to achieve my goal

Of being the best man
That I can be without
Any regrets or questions
Of what ifs and maybes.

They keep me grounded
And make sure that I sway
With the punches that life
Throws at me every second.

They guide me through rough
Ocean tides and into and outta
Ports like little tugboats guiding
Ships like dogs on leashes.

They pick my *** up off
The ground every time I fall
And dust me off and they send
Me off with a hug and a kiss

And they say “go get ‘em kiddo”
With a smile because they know
That I can do whatever I want
If I just put my heart and soul into it

Because I’m capable of so much
More than what my mind tells me.
My heart and soul cry with every
Kind word, words of love and support

Because I know my fam means
Nothing but the best for me and
My life and they want to see me
Grow as a man because we’re fam.

Have a seat
And gather around,
Let me tell me
About my fam.

They’re the best thing that
Happened to me and my life
Because I don’t know where
I’d be right now without them.

Hello world,
My name is David
And I’m...
I’m always tired.

I don’t mean
Like I want
To nap...
I’m “tired”.

I’m tired of everything,
Of everyone.
I’m tired of you...
World.

I’m drained
Mentally,
Emotionally.
I’m exhausted.

I’m overwhelmed
By everything and
Everyone even the
Tiniest of things.

I try my best...
I really do but
I can’t give 100%
Let alone 1% of myself.

I’m depressed,
Fed up.
I’m...
I’m over it.

I feel defeated,
Empty,
I feel so...
******* alone.

I’m stuck in an
Endless roundabout,
Roller coaster,
Loop-de-loop.

I’m falling apart
Mentally,
Emotionally and there’s...
Nothing I can do.

I’m too numb...
To deal with what life
Brings me, too numb to
Talk to anyone, too numb to carry on.

I’m done with it
I’m over it
I’m sorry world...
We’re breaking up.

It’s not you,
It’s...it’s me.
I have no will
Or strength.

When I wake up
Every morning,
I’m scared...
I’m so ******* scared.

I’m scared about
What you will throw
At me. I’m scared
Of what will happen

If I continue down
This path I’m on right now,
If I close my eyes
And roll with the punches.

When I close my eyes,
Every night,
I pray that I wake up
But I won’t argue with Him.

The thoughts racing
Through my mind at night
Feel so ******* real
That I don’t know what’s

Real life
And what’s fantasy.
These constant voices in my
Head make me tired.

I’m not myself,
Who have I become?
I’m never tired
But I’ve always been tired.

Hello world,
My name is David
And I’m tired isn’t
Always about sleep.

Thoughts racing like F1,
Heart melting like ice cream
On a hot summer afternoon,
Mind overwhelmed like
A first kiss.

Thoughts of hopeless,
Helplessness,
Worthlessness
Racing through my head
And all I can say is...

I’m...
Fine.
I’m fine.
I don’t know what else
To say.

My heart’s pounding outta
My chest,
Tears filling my eyes
And flowing down my face
And all I can say is...

I’m...
Fine.
I’m fine.
I’m *******...
Fine.

Staring blanking ahead
As everyone and everything
Speed past me
As I struggle to just
Get by.

I’m struggling every second
Just to understand why
I’m even here this very second
Because deep down I know
I’ll never survive alone because

I’m...
Fine?
I’m fine?
Am I really fine?
**** that.

I tell my friends and family
That I’m “fine”
But deep down in my heart
And in my soul
I’m crying.

I’m drowning every second
And I can’t even swim
With raw emotions and thoughts
Of nothing by negativity
That I throw my hands up

And say I’m done with this ****.
I tell y’all that I’m fine
But I’m screaming at
The top of my lungs
Someone save me!

Someone ******* save me
From this endless nightmare
That is taking control of me
Emotionally, mentally,
Socially.

My life is a giant pit of
Quicksand
And no matter how hard
I try to fight it and escape
I sink deeper and deeper

Until I can’t breathe anymore
And I suffocate by all my raw
Emotions and thoughts
And with every gasp of air
I shout in my head “save me!”

My head is spinning outta control
And I feel like I can’t escape this hell hole
And I feel emotions that I never knew existed
But these thoughts and emotions persisted

And my mind becomes twisted
And every time I try to take a breath, I’m restricted
Because my heart is heavy pressing against my lungs
And I’m just rocking and rolling with the every punch that comes

I try to scream but the cat got my tongue
And it’s a constant battle like Apple versus Samsung
Every time I try to scream it’s so **** imposible
That I have tears down my face its improbable

Of me reaching my hopes and dreams
That with every passing second my self esteem’s
Taking a plunge into the icy water
That I tell myself “why do I even bother?”

Nothing I do will change my path to
Where I wanna go but I wanna shout to you
Help me!
Safe me from this endless nightmare I plea

Because it’s pulling me deeper and deeper
How can I make this any clearer
To y’all my family and my friends
That I need to make some amends

Because I’m not ready to say the end
To everyone who helped me comprehend
What is right and what is wrong
And what I can do to make myself strong

Mentally, physically, emotionally
Thank you for loving me unconditionally
And being there for me inspirationally
Now I’m functioning socially and intellectually

I wish I had said this sooner
Help me!
Save me!

For all the mistakes you’ve made
In the past and present,
Never apologize for them
#SorryNotSorry

They’ve molded and shaped you
Into the person you were,
The person you  are,
And the person you’ll become

For all the could’ve, would’ve,
Should’ve, and maybes,
Don’t let them get to you
#SorryNotSorry

You’ll learn to pick and choose
What is right and what is wrong
And what decisions will make you
The person you’ll become

For all the heartaches,
Heartbreaks,
And missed opportunities
#SorryNotSorry

The sting from a bee
Causes pain momentarily
Pain doesn’t last forever
Time will heal all the pain and suffering

People come
And people go
Moments and memories last forever
#SorryNotSorry

Cherish every moment and memory
You’ve had and will have with everyone
You cross paths with in your lives
You’ll grow stronger emotionally and mentally

When you feel like you can’t carry on
And the weight of the world is too heavy
Never settle for less than what you can do
#SorryNotSorry

You will feel depressed
Anxiety will always be knocking
When you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions,
Never forget who you are and why you’re here

Never apologize for your past,
For your present,
For your future
#SorryNotSorry

Never apologize to other people
Never apologize to yourself
For how you live your own life
#SorryNotSorry

#SorryNotSorry

No man has to walk
Alone
Fending off his demons
By himself

Trying to suppress the
Voices
In his head as they mute
His own

And controlling his thoughts
And emotions
To the point where he feels
Like he can’t go on.

All the negativity floods
His mind
And he feels overwhelmed
That he just wants to fall

And doesn’t wanna be lifted
Back up again
Because he’s had enough of
This cruel world.

Wandering aimlessly alone with
All the emotions
Of hopelessness, helplessness,
Worthlessness

He wonders if anyone out there
Will help him
But he’s too scared, ashamed,
To reach out,

To ask for help,
To talk to someone
About whatever demons
He’s fighting within.

No man has to battle his
Demons alone
Because we know what he’s
Going through.

We’ve been there many
Times
And we’ve fallen many times
But we got back up,

Dusted ourselves off,
And continued fighting
Our battles and not
Giving up no matter what.

We know what you’re going
Through
And we’re your biggest
Supporters and cheerleaders.

No man has to travel this path
Alone.
We got your six...
We got your six.

Why is everything so heavy?
Or at least that how I feel every
Moment when I try to live my life
And I try everything I can just to barely survive

Because no matter how hard I try
I just sit there and cry and wonder why
Everything is becoming so heavy
And honestly I just envy

All my friends who live their lives
While I cut myself with knives
Mentally, emotionally
Irrationally

I try walking away from my battles
But every time my feet hit the grounds it rattles
No matter how hard I try and walk away
Everything becomes heavy either way

My hope, my dreams, my demons on my shoulders
I feel like Atlas holding up boulders
While I’m sinking deeper and deeper
And it feels like I’m being greeted by the grim reaper

With every breath I take
And every move I make
Every thing becomes overwhelming
And I wonder what my life is becoming

Why is everything so heavy?
My world, my life crashing like a levy
During a cat 4 hurricane
And all I can feel is the pain

And suffering every time I fall
And I’m feeling so ******* small
That all I can do is crawl
Away from everyone and everything, goodbye y’all

I’m sinking deeper and deeper into the sand
And I feel like I can but I keep telling myself I can’t
Do anything; I can’t move on
I keep feeling like **** come on!

I keep drowning myself with an irrational emotion
Every second that I should just follow the motion
Of the ocean but the ocean is drowning me
Why is everything so ******* heavy?

I don’t know what
To do when my
Mind races and
My heart pounds.

When voices become
Entangled in my head
And control my thoughts
And my emotions.

I begin to feel
Overwhelmed,
I feel worthless,
Helpless and hopeless.

I begin to feel
Depressed.
I hate everything
And everyone.

I want to...
I want to sleep.
Sleep until my mind
Becomes clearer.

Sleep until I can
Think straight again,
Until I feel...
Normal.

I wish I can say
Good night
To my friends and
My family.

I wish I can look
In the mirror and
Say good night
To myself.

I lay in bed and
Close my eyes
But I just can’t
Sleep.

I don’t wanna say
Good night.
I don’t wanna
Sleep.

I wanna stay
Awake
And fight my
Battles.

I wanna stay here
And continue my
Journey
To where I wanna be.

I wanna stay
Fighting
For what I
Believe in.

I wanna stay and
Finish
What I started
Before all this happened.

Staying is all
I have left
Because giving up
Is never an option.

Staying and fighting
Is better than
Giving up and
Not fighting at all.

Never give up,
Never give in.
Lift yourself up
And continue fighting.

Tell yourself to
Stay
And fight on.
I choose to stay.

God, Allah, Our Lord Savior
Every night I say a little prayer
To bless me with the strength and will
To carry on and swallow this hard pill

That is choking me every time I breathe
And it feels like I’m being stung by a million bees
I can’t believe what my life has become
And I’m just here think ummm

Every time I say a prayer when I can’t go on
I feel like I can’t go above and beyond
My own abilities and capabilities
Why am I feeling the hostilities

And becoming casualties of my own
Actions and demise and I feel so alone
And I’m outta my comfort zone
And I’m scared shitless of the unknown

I think that my plans will be postponed
When I’m overthrown by the cyclone
I should’ve outgrown my demons but they’re unbeknown
To me and my family and I’ll be disowned

When I can’t carry on I say a prayer
As I struggle to climb these endless stairs
Of endless despair; this is ******* unfair
Why was I not aware? I’m so impaired

Mentally, emotionally, socially
This is affecting me totally
I can’t carry on, I’m done with this life
I wanna cut myself with a Swiss Army knife

Down the road, not across the street
This will definitely be a treat
To everyone who has treated like their *****
I gotta cure this itch and end up in a ditch

Every second I say a prayer
To God, Allah, our Lord Savior
Give me strength to carry on
And the will to fight on!

I’m losing control of my emotions
That I get lost in the ocean’s
Motions and I get tossed by the tide
And I can’t help but run and hide

From everyone who’s there to provide
Nothing but love and support and I’d
Do nothing but denied everything and cried
Like a child without his lollipop and relied

On everyone around me to make it all right
But I can’t do anything like a knight
Without his armor and sword to fight
The dragon that lives inside me and incite

Wars of words and raw emotions
Without providing any notions
Of the use of potions that give me that feeling
Of dealing with my demons and healing

Without kneeling and revealing that the battle
Has been won by the devil that’ll
Reside in me forever and always
And I roam the hallways of my life in a foggy haze

And I’m amazed
By all the phrases
Of praise
Without dismays

I’m losing control of my mind
Of my emotions and I’m blind
Mentally, emotionally I’m outta control;
It takes a toll on my soul

My life as a whole
Is outta my control

I see you every time
I close my eyes
And I can’t seem to
Get you outta my mind.

The constant flow of tears
Down my cheeks and the
Tears forming in my eyes
Year after year reminds me

Of all the pain you’ve
Brought me
And all the pain
I’ve brought to myself

Trying to deal with
Your ******* but
No matter how hard I try
You’re stuck in my mind

Like duct tape and
Every time I try to peel
You off smoothly
You cut deeper until

I bleed more like
A child picking at
His scab over
And over again

Even though his mom tells
Him to stop every time but
He keeps doing it because
It annoys the hell outta him

And picking at the scab
Makes the itchiness go away
For only a second and then
The itchiness, the urge comes back

And you can’t help but
Scratch it again until
It bleeds again and until
You need to scratch it again.

You are my heart’s scab that
Annoys the hell outta me and
I can’t help but scratch it and
Pick at it until my heart bleeds

Dear life,
Can we start over?
Let’s go back to the beginning
Before this **** ever happened?

Before my life became an
Endless rollercoaster
Before I’m constantly
Walking in a pit of quick sand.

Let’s start over
And go back to the time
When I’m never “tired”
Every...single...*******...day.

Before I needed IV black coffee
Before I needed IV fluids
Constantly because I’m tired
Physically, emotionally, mentally

Before all these feelings of
Hopelessness, helplessness
Worthlessness
Consumed my heart every day

Before all the thoughts of
Su...
Sui...
Calling it a night

Before all the thoughts of
Saying good night forever
Before I put my hands up
And throw the towel in

Because I’m tired of life
I’m fed up,
I’m overwhelmed,
And I’m over it.

We’re through...
Our relationship is over...
It’s not me...
It’s definitely you.

Can we start over life?
And go back to where
Every thing was simple again?
Where I was smiling and

Laughing more often than now?
Where nothing in the world can
Bring me down mentally, emotionally,
Because I’m in my safe, happy place.

Can we go back to where
Life was simpler, easier than it is now
Where I had no worries or concerns
And I just live for the moments?

Dear life,
Can we pretend that none
Of this ever happened
And start over?

The sun sets every night
After a long, hard day at work
Shining bright on everyone
While forgetting to shine bright
On itself.

The sun hides behind dark
Storm clouds and cries
Cooling everyone down
While they yearn and pray
For the sun to come back.

The sun shines the brightest
On days when everyone needs
A break from their daily lives
Bringing warmth and joy
Without care for itself.

The moon rises every night
Breaking through the
Darkness of night
Lighting the paths of
The night wanderers.

When everyone is asleep,
The moon guides all the
Heroes and heroines who
Don’t wear capes but uniforms
Back home safely to their families.

The moon’s soft light
Enters the windows of
Little children soothing them
And sings a lullaby softly into
Their ears putting them to sleep.

When the sun and the moon
Are depressed or overwhelmed,
They reach out to each other
And they embrace for a hug;
It’s a total eclipse of the heart.

Be the sun and the moon
In someone’s life - bring joy,
Bring love, bring laughter,
Bring calmness, bring hope.
Shine bright like the sun and the moon.