We’ve been together for so long our heartbeats are in sync, i know mine beats for you but does yours beat for me ?

You traced your fingers around my face, pushing my hair back ever so gently

Your hand trailed to my throat and clenched around it, not gently.

I gasped for air, and you laughed, Tell me darling was it funny ?

You whispered "you're mine" more objectively than subjectively

My body trembled and you held it down like a lion subduing prey and you smiled

I tried to get away but your hands clenched tighter around my throat and it was harder to breath

I couldn't talk, I couldn't scream, was it **** if i never said no ?

Your other hand trailed up my short skirt, must've been asking for it

Numbed by fear, by pain, by memories of when my father would choke me too

But death was always his objective, not this

I couldn't help to think maybe I was better off dead

Maybe he should of gone through with it, maybe my mom should've never stopped him

He was a bad shot but my god did he always get close

Just one inch closer

This would've never happened

I would've never been this empty inside

You took what you wanted and I can't ever get it back

You find inspiration in the darkest places, like lost love and letting go. He may be gone but there's always faint traces and no one new could fill the voids and spaces. You'll find yourself spending days tracing faces but none will ever be the same. Broken hearts never fully heal because just like a shattered glass, you can't fix anything when there's missing pieces.

Flashbacks hit like a car crash but unlike physical pain, with emotional pain you never know when it will end. No bandaid or cast could mend the brokenness and no doctor could prescribe a cure. So you sit and wait, a slave to time and your emotions, hoping and hoping and hoping ...

Some days I wish I could get shot in the chest; So that the literal hole in my body could take my mind of the figurative one. The one you left when you pulled the trigger, shooting me down, leaving me lying on the cold hard ground with not a single person around to save me. You were suppose to save me. But I guess you had better things to do you with your time and I guess I wasn't worth the space in your mind and I guess I wasn't worth saving. So as I laid on the pavement thinking about all the things I did wrong that lead up to that moment I realized I'd never be good enough for you.

It's bad I know, to be with you when I long for him. I just needed something to fill the void. The familiarity of your features that I once had mapped out in my mind like constellations faded with our time apart. Time where I fell for him, madly in love with him, it made me realize that I never really was in love with you, only the idea of having someone wrapped around my waist.  Those constellations spark something in my mind that make me momentarily forget about him and that's all I really crave. Those few seconds of bliss. Where my mind isn't tied down by thoughts of him like a ball and chain. Don't get it confused darling it wasn't you I made love to, your body was only convenient.

It's been almost 4 months since we were together, since I had my arms wrapped around your waist, dreading the day there wouldn't be an "us" anymore, little did I know that day was unfolding right in front of my eyes. Part of me knew I guess, that that very moment would be the last time my fingers lingered across your skin, tracing every freckle and curve like a constellation, that it would be the last time my lips met yours, the last time that I would feel whole. Ever since then the days move slower and the minutes last hours and every second not spent with you is a second wasted.

My lock screen is still a picture of us and your arms are still the ones I crave when I drink too much or not enough. I don’t know where we went wrong, but then again we were flawed from the start. I prayed day in and day out for us never to be apart and I entrusted you with my already fragmented heart. You taped the pieces together, a temporary solution to a permanent eye sore, evidently only so you could shatter it more and more and more.

Flowers were always my favorite metaphor for love

Sometimes they are planted; sometimes they sprout out of nowhere.
Watered and they flourish.
Ignored and they wither.
But I can’t deny that as it grows I embrace its beauty.
Admiring the petals.
Void of flaws.

See that’s the thing.
Every flower is beautiful.
They don’t compete with the surrounding flowers.
They just bloom.
But eventually you get accustomed to the beauty.
It seems common and mundane to you.
But to an average passerby it’s stunning.
We think nothing special of it.

When we see a beautiful flower we pick it.
And it dies.
And it ceases to be what we admired.
So if you see a flower let it be.
Appreciation over possession.

But how foolish of me to think I was the sole flower in your life.
You had a garden.
From roses to tulips.

But.
We need to let go.
Don’t water a dead flower.
It won’t grow back.

Even if it was your favorite.

With a mind more foggy
than a sky swathed in clouds
I wonder why I bailed out
from our love.

I still hopelessly crave
the feeling of your skin on mine
and our fingers intertwined.

I know unlike the months we spent together,
tonight I won’t get to feel your kiss
I remember all these things
that I’ve grown to miss
but they’re far from my grasp.

It kills me everyday
knowing it was my fault
that we didn’t last.

Our memories are detestable but ironically they're my most revered.
The utmost mundane things consign euphoria to my mangled soul.

The idea of stargazing from abandoned homes and kissing in the pouring rain Was platitude in some eyes but distinguished in ours.

Reminiscing leaves me in a despondent state, because feelings were not reciprocated nor was I cognizant of this.
Frankly because you lead me to believe they were.

I was oblivious to your game and the prize for being victorious.  

And the lack of corresponding emotions fragmentized my heart, Inculcated my despondency and left me with a paucity of trust for those to come.

Disregarding all the dissatisfactory emotions, I still cherish the memories.