I.
a shining city,
rich with a tangible pleasures
and docile smiles

II.
skyscrapers gleaming;
invisible almost ‘til
somebody leaps off

III.
concrete streets over
flowing with cigarette butts
where flowers should be

IV.
inhale the poison;
breathe deep venomous air where
oxygen should be

V.
live one life here
for you are so near the end;
so close to freedom

as a baby
I shed a tear
to tell you of all that ails me,
until the words
start to form;

now tears
still come often,
more, perhaps,
and I am entitled
to that which you give to me.

as a child
I walk
with my nose in the air
as to not directly
inhale my perfume

of arrogance
so sloppily sprayed
on wrists and neck;
underneath,
a faint scent

of fear and despair
lingers.
as a young girl
I hide
behind fear and despair

worried of seeming
arrogant.
oh,
how the tables
have turned.

as a young woman
I shed a tear
to tell you of all that ails me,
but words
never form.

if only we could see the eyes
of what is contained behind these doors
from the darkness
the scent of fear
seeps through the cracks and keyholes

if only we could feel the isolation
locked up behind these doors
no man can comprehend the fear
that is screaming to us for liberation

instead, we clutch onto ignorance
with our fists clenched
and with our eyes closed
we unknowingly fight the battle
for whichever side is winning

the innocent condemned
by the monsters with their power
if only we could see the misery
we are consuming
if only we could see the horror
we are allowing

you looked pretty standing there
in your white spaghetti straps; your skin sort of glowed the way sunlight hits tree bark and I could see your smile radiating through the dark.
you looked pretty at midnight
with a beer in your hand, hazy eyes and all
the boys staring.
you looked pretty when laughter came, as you spilled your drink all over the floor and I helped you clean it up.
you looked pretty until you opened your mouth;
all of the prettiness vanished and it looked as though you were never really pretty at all.
you looked pretty until your words lain naked in bed with me and I saw them for what they were;
barren, cold and empty
and in that there is no beauty.

on the walk home tonight the stars seemed to speak
like fireflies buzzing – or was it the headlights on the freeway?
the sounds of the sky muffled by flourescent noise

I often wonder if the stars we gaze upon
look down on us and think to themselves, is this really home?
they seem so content with their space

maybe meteors are sad bits of energy
longing to escape the realm of their reality
or maybe they’re just lost and stuck like the rest of us

staring into the universe even breathing seems obsolete
for there is so much more than what we see when we look outside our windows
do we see our creator?
or just our own creations?

we spend our whole lives
with one goal in mind
in pursuit of something far too hard to find
every minute we give to intangible ideals
we grasp for air
               as we fall
                           behind

a police man
a priest
a dancer on a pole
we’re all just the same
we’re all searching for souls
for our own – or another
for one of a kind
to be different
and the same
but we’re too **** blind

to see what’s infront of us or even look around
to see what’s going down
around
and if we don’t take a minute to look around
                 …we’re all going down
we’re all going
       d
           o
              w
                  n

you scream,
WE’RE IMPRISONED
to a society numbed
eyes still forward
in a line
ten-hut!
sit, stand, come

while the evening news informs us
the media involves us
the remote control controls us
and the grocery store consoles us
I have to think,
            well, I must ask…
                               what do we work for
                                anymore?

ahead of her she sees the glittering road
divide, as the tongue of a serpent
and the damp, warm aroma
so enticing in its seduction
lures her in from the cold of adolecense

the Devil’s eyes are staring through her
at her undressed body
at her naked bones
longing for a taste of innocence
as He has become accustomed to
and as He is entitled to
as long as we let Him

the path is no longer paved
with bricks, nor cemented
no longer the familiar
but instead
she descends into a world of the unknown
a fragile mind retreats
and armor, constructed from her fear

it’s climbing a mountain in a blizzard unclothed,
with frostbitten fingers and toes and nose.
I've scaled this wall of ice for so long; the top of the summit always seems so close.
it’s my hypothermic body frozen two feet from your face,
and I still can’t reach you.

.
                                                  (what occupies
                                                   behind those eyes tonight?) 

(it's almost morning time)


 
well I can’t sleep with the dog barking in my ear
but I promise I can sleep without you here

though maybe I could do without the thunderstorms of the room
next door
and sometimes hurricanes spit fires in the hallway
and I can’t extinguish flames which rise from the sea...

but please don’t worry about me
my dear
I’ll be fine without you here



(I know you’re wondering,
               the waves thrash only harder with time,
                                                I know you’re pondering….)


I promise I’ll be fine


(promise me you’ll love that dog–)




                                      I promise.
                                      we’ll be
                                      fine

.

however, we don’t know anything…


                                                  so we call it quits.

the colours looking out of the car and into the street up ahead so far,
and at the trees and the leaves and into the sky, they weren’t colours but they were more.
the oranges and greens and blues of our earth weren’t from our earth, but some beautiful place of ambiguity;
because the air wasn’t air that I breathed in but air that breathed me in.
and he moved along so flawlessly,
and when he spoke he spoke from deep within me.
then I awoke
to the darkness.

even lying next to him, it was never about him… somehow it was always you. it's only you.

sometimes I can feel the earth's heart beating with mine - her heat often boiling my core. a burdensome blessing to bleed when others fall.