The air is thin, I struggle to breath.
Vultures waiting for my imminent death.
My throat is parched, I struggle to speak.
Demons looming, sensing I'm weak.
Voices prophesying doom, the end is near.
It is a life without you I fear.
Time has passed since I felt your gaze,
Too much time, the day now barely a haze.
I remember the sun, the water and air,
Soon you'll be here, my hands in your hair.

I’d rather be dead
Than be half aware
I desire ignorance
More than a blank stare.

I try to feel with numb fingers
I try to see through cataracts
No taste, no smell where I be
Nothing to hear through the wax.

But why do I know this?
To what purpose am I aware
Of my dead senses
Should I care?

Can I awaken from this sleep?
Can I open my eyes and listen?
Or will I forever be aware
That I am not aware?

I'm used to Heart being quiet
and Mind stoically in control...
keeping the peace with logic,
being sensible you know.

Then Heart saw another of the same kind
and jumped up and down, ecstatic with the find.
No more staying quiet, no more letting be,
screaming wildly to Mind.. I want her to see!

Living a fantasy like there's no tomorrow
Long forgotten are past and sorrow.
I touch your skin and find your gaze
You smile back with kindness always.

I look at you, no need to fantasize,
Your beauty shines, no need for lies.
When you speak your voice soothes me...
All my heart in wondrous harmony.

A voice or two in me disbelief.
What is this thing that brings relief?
Scars and fears and the old way
Be quiet now so we can play!

I have control, for now.
Keep on fighting it, somehow.
Dark desires of things forbidden
saps my strength to keep them hidden.
Tired, bored with all the pretense
Please relieve me of this sentence!
I dream of a night of passion and lust
With someone in need , like me, unjust.
No rules, no conscience, two  souls bare
Living the moment, naked, aware.
But alas! My vivid dream is locked away
in the confines of my soul. Someday?

I have companion
powerful, dark.
He never showed his face
just waiting...  a spark.

he will ****,
he will maim
nothing can stop him.
keep him in chain

ancient as life
old as death
if I let him out
it's your last breath.

lately he struggled
to be let free.
I want him out
to the enemies of me.

he will destroy
all he can see
and in the end
he will **** me.

Gravity of Past is pulling with great might.
Returning I resist, tired of this fight.
Behind me the beaten track, silently trailing,
Seducing me with sleep, new endeavors failing.
One more step and one more heave
From the old escape, have to leave.
Burning and aching forward I move,
Dragging my soul out of this groove.

I sailed these seas before,
I recognise the storm.
The familiar smell of Death is near,
Unlike the last encounter, I have no fear.
Then, I paid the price, a piece of me,
In our last duel I was not free.

Once it was strange and I was afraid,
No more, familiar, my bed I made.
Cold in the night, cold in the day
Time is lost, I lost my way.

Sometimes I smile when her rays hit me,
This rare occurrence reminds me I'm free.
Choose I can, to stay or to run.
How I long for my skin in the sun.

For a moment I forgot
I'm your owner I'm not.
Part of the drama I became,
Taking from you, just the same
As the bounds you try to free.
But now I can clearly see
You need to fly, wild, high.

I give you my rock as refuge in times
You need to be held, loved sometimes,
When tired of fighting demons in you
I embrace, hold space, make magic us two.
You are the gift I have, but have I cannot,
I love you woman, with all I've got.

I have a burning in my chest
Deathly pangs of hate, no rest.
If I could **** I surely would
My enemy hiding in a digital world.      

She is my gold and diamond stone,
Emotional ****, now I'm alone.
Broken heart again again
I'm a fool ten times ten.

I put the pieces I have together,
the puzzle incomplete.
Looking for what I've missed,
Not willing to accept defeat.
The video plays back in my mind...
I let slip the villain, the indifferent and unkind.
Only to be matched by your doomsday defences
Aggressively fighting for safety... relentless.

Today, an abundance of joyful memories fills my mind
When I remember your smile, beautiful, kind.
I have made my choice I want to stay
Growing memories beyond yesterday.
Whether you can see past the full moon storm,
I do not know... I do not know...

I received your letter, the heavy one.
Between the lines it seems you're done.
Again and again, I read, one more time,
Finding a reason, it will be fine.

I write back to you, right words I choose
To love, not hurt and speak the truth.
I send my words away, to the air,
Trusting to find you, what I share.
Time goes by, would I have to wait
Till morning? I know it's late.

You reply and we talk,
Slowly closer we start to walk.
Kind words come, I see some light,
Perhaps sleep we can through this night.
Tomorrow again the sun will rise
For us to look in each other’s eyes.

On the edge of a chasm I stand.
I walked here, behind me familiar land.
Of what is beyond stories I’ve heard
In my obsession I hear every word.
Treasure, adventure, fiery dragons slain
Few hear the parts of perseverance and pain.
What awaits me? Should I take this step?
My next step is small, return I cannot.
Fear holds my ankles, I have to or rot.

Something had to die and die it did,
To loosen the ties of the fear’s grip.
Forget what’s behind or simply don’t care,
I will take this leap to the place of nowhere.

I have but one desire:
to see your soul bare.
'till I find the keys to your heart,
in your eyes I stare.
Other shadows of what is I see:
Your smile, your words, how you look at me.
But wait! I have misspoken,
I do want one more thing:
I want you to see me bare
that is my offering.
My light and yours can join,
new colours we make,
Like the northern lights:
magic, art, a new being we wake.

Just one kind word, just one, from you,
Burning with loneliness, a drop will do.
Peace evades me, sleep I know not,
Alone in a pit, heart and soul rot.
Vultures around, with hate I would ****,
I see their mocking eyes, they wait still.
There is no escape, I built this cage,
Bound by my sins, bound by my rage.
Peace I seek, abandoned I am
In  a desert, a storm, alone, barely man.

You lived a life as have I,
Our journeys merged, I wonder why?

Heartbreak, sorrow and regret
seem to have faded every time we've met.
Words of kindness I shine on you,
Your smile blossoms, mine does too.
A burning in my chest, the desire so strong,
I crave your touch, your lips all night long.

About what's next my mind is taken,
Trusting, hoping, we won't be shaken.

I step into the room where you wait for me,
New smells, bright colours, familiar, exciting energy.
I sink into your presence as you do into mine,
Touching you, holding you, kissing you, divine.
Masks dissolve, walls crumble and clothes fall to the floor,
Our souls embrace, ancient lovers wanting more.
My rock inside your storm, waves and wind I ride,
The devil and the saint all welcome, no need to hide.
We take our time, letting what needs to be just be,
Surprised every time how our magic sets us free.

old and heavy it bears on me
the mask I wear for all to see.
it took root long long ago
before awareness... i do not know.

it comforts me when I fear
it says I need it when people near.
believe I do this parasite
deceiving me in its own plight.

I dream of courage, walking naked, free
to feel the world feeling me.
but when I tear on my companion
the pain and fear deepens the canyon.

I have lost hope, hidden despair,
until rays of sun with face appear.
maybe real life I can still see
but that secret I'll keep near me.

I looked at myself today,
Everyone around me, far away.
Skin on skin, warm touch I desire
**** these gloves to hell's fire.

The mirror today made me aware
the pieces missing inside of me,
like precious treasures lost, forgotten
Over time maybe my complexion rotten.
And perhaps the mask I wear today
Is to keep myself from myself away.

Far in the back where I cannot see
Hides out fractured parts of me.
All alone angry and scared,
They cannot help but make me impaired.

If I could find all myself and say
I accept you, you're OK
Then other people will join in song
And dance with me all day long.

I think my demons are just my own
Too revolting for you to be shown,
Yet in the mirror their twins play,
In you, in exactly the same way.

I held the woman today
who held and nourished me.
Her life in disarray
Her man tomorrow might not be.
Drops of her soul and pain
still on my shirt like yesterday's rain.
Their bond so strong, love so deep,
Her tormented heart knows no sleep.

The drug of my choice has your smell,
as it fades I move closer to hell.
I am warned you bring destruction,
but you are my angel of seduction.
Worries and burdens are borne wings
when you visit my soul bearing sensual things.
Chaos finds meaning, balance and peace,
when I indulge in your gaze blue as the seas.

I have something to give,
Who will accept it?
It’s most precious to me, can you see?
People walk by, most are blind,
But some take notice: “Not for me”.
I hear the complaints: people in want.
I can fill the void, just see me.
Give, to the one next to me, I tried,
But, again, my offering denied.
Now to anyone who wants to see
Look in my hands, this gift, me.

On my horse away I go
To adventure I do not know.
Up and down, faster faster
Of this beast I am the master.

Thrills and screams fade with age
Deep down in me is born a rage.
The journey replays, the same reel.
One big circle, plastic and steal.

I reach out to a girl, a smile,
Her adventure died back a while.
I take her hand, we'll escape,
This journey with a circular shape.

Find real horses, we could find pain
Real adventure, all in vain?
We must, afraid, get on the beast
Destination trivial, we'll go East.

My weakness is rabbit holes. My drug is truth.
Diving deep in the world of wonder on my own
I look at the seeds and shadows of reality known.
Few seekers of truth, a lonely journey it is,
BUT when I find a gem, I run around, a child pleased.
Show my treasure, share it with all who will play,
But alas, what I find, looks like a nothing they say,
Uninteresting, appalling, invisible, alien, not grand,
Not fitting a box square, brown, no pictures, bland.
Then... I see a glitter in an eye, a wonder at my gem
And I know, another child, not one of them.
My weakness is rabbit holes. My drug is truth.

The remembering unfolds as layers fall away,
We are yin, we are yan, orbiting night and day.
My mind fails to comprehend the vastness of our being,
Yet my heart knows. It knows. It fully and deeply knows.

Inside me the ancient and dormant sense you,
A low thrum, broadcasting to unite us two.
From the beginning, we dance, we laugh, we play,
Life after life finding each other hiding in the hay.
And then! Seeing your soul scream in delight,
When I find you and kiss you and make it all right.
Our dance across time, manifesting the divine,
Is the being of love... to all a sign.

(Alternative ending:)
Needs nothing except Korean and wine.

This wound by now should have healed
But only darkness covers the concealed.
Joyous memories, distant, far,
In the mirror a painful scar.

I walk around, happiness I see
stirs sadness, what no longer be.
Time failed, scars remain.
Indifference, grief, shame.

Patiently she waits, the shadow of mine
till the sun falls lower over the line.
Reason leaves as despair takes hold
My warmth and light giving way, it's cold.
Then, only then, does the shadow appear
with vision of destruction of all things dear.
Seduction's soft touch flirting with talk
promising my desire, without hurt I can walk.
Remove the grip on your heart remove all,
Destroy all bridges, lest again you fall.
The shadow whispers repeatedly, again again,
My light fades my love hurts, vitality drain.
And finally her wisdom I embrace, it's clear,
I have to ******, destroy what is dear.

I see it coming, a demon from hell,
Seducing you with his words, a spell.
I shout and shout, my throat bleeds
As I witness the fruition of his seeds.
Mesmerised, proud, lust abound,
You have all the answers you want found.
You said yourself that history defines,
Yet your roots you ***** on shrines.
I shout, still, with no voice to hear,
Now all I do is wait and fear.

Towards the edge you push me,
my feet slipping, tired, weak.
Over the edge is much more pain
than what I've lived here on the plain.
Yet you push, destroy you will,
all I have till all is nil.
And in the canyon's darkness deep
I cannot from harm my loved ones keep:
the demons will come out to play,
Death, destruction will have last say.

Take my hand and don't be scared
to the dark place we go.
Creaky doors, cob webs and dust
It's okay, we'll take it slow.

You see eyes in darkness stare
Tremble, sweat, no more air.
Your hand tightens, you are brave
with me to lift you from this grave.

Our love shines brighter than fear,
Exposed it is, the monster near.
Chained its neck, pulled its teeth,
You are free from what’s beneath.

Now take my hand and catch my tears
To my dark place, to my fears.

I remember the darkness, it's in the past
On with the journey, I repaired the mast.
Smiles and sun grow as the wind blows
We might grow old, be happy, who knows?

Then you looked back, a smile a tear
of things left behind, you bring them back near.
Storms and lightning, darkness returns
as your heart, into the past yearns.

I live in two worlds, they used to be one

When last peace I had? a memory gone.

Conflict felt as gravity pulled

Masks grew thicker, the world fooled.



It's quieter now, the distance increased

between two homes the tension eased.

Back and forth in my homes I live

Present in one, my manner furtive.



Rules, rules, rules, judgement, conformity,

In this world I work, am seen blindly.

Beginnings and ends, a being above,

Here I am offered the gift of love.



Inside I am God, I do as I please

Nothing forbidden, no-one to appease.

Impossible things I create with my hands,

This world of wonder has no sign of bands.

I can **** the most beautiful woman I see,

Hell why not invite all to an ****?

But this world has an enormous vice:

I cannot touch anything, that is the price.



So now I travel, going here going there

Telling no-one of my secret affair.

I have considered, I have weighed,
Gray and right, or live at night?
I looked at your picture that you sent,
All of me wants you, I cannot relent.
In my mind, you and I embrace,
a smile, a tear in your face.
Why have we waited, it makes no sense,
Fear of intimacy is my only defense.

Fractured parts of me I need to find,
Lost in space, in time, inside my mind.
What I'm looking for I know not
The mess I live with is all I've got.
Like the love for my children I long to love me,
But how can I if hidden parts of me flee
Into darkness hidden behind fears and regret,
From the time of childhood, demons in stone set.
Do I have light, is there something to find
Or will it be dark forever in my mind?