old and heavy it bears on me
the mask I wear for all to see.
it took root long long ago
before awareness... i do not know.

it comforts me when I fear
it says I need it when people near.
believe I do this parasite
deceiving me in its own plight.

I dream of courage, walking naked, free
to feel the world feeling me.
but when I tear on my companion
the pain and fear deepens the canyon.

I have lost hope, hidden despair,
until rays of sun with face appear.
maybe real life I can still see
but that secret I'll keep near me.

The drug of my choice has your smell,
as it fades I move closer to hell.
I am warned you bring destruction,
but you are my angel of seduction.
Worries and burdens are borne wings
when you visit my soul bearing sensual things.
Chaos finds meaning, balance and peace,
when I indulge in your gaze blue as the seas.

I have control, for now.
Keep on fighting it, somehow.
Dark desires of things forbidden
saps my strength to keep them hidden.
Tired, bored with all the pretense
Please relieve me of this sentence!
I dream of a night of passion and lust
With someone in need , like me, unjust.
No rules, no conscience, two  souls bare
Living the moment, naked, aware.
But alas! My vivid dream is locked away
in the confines of my soul. Someday?

I have considered, I have weighed,
Gray and right, or live at night?
I looked at your picture that you sent,
All of me wants you, I cannot relent.
In my mind, you and I embrace,
a smile, a tear in your face.
Why have we waited, it makes no sense,
Fear of intimacy is my only defense.

I sailed these seas before,
I recognise the storm.
The familiar smell of Death is near,
Unlike the last encounter, I have no fear.
Then, I paid the price, a piece of me,
In our last duel I was not free.

This wound by now should have healed
But only darkness covers the concealed.
Joyous memories, distant, far,
In the mirror a painful scar.

I walk around, happiness I see
stirs sadness, what no longer be.
Time failed, scars remain.
Indifference, grief, shame.

I have something to give,
Who will accept it?
It’s most precious to me, can you see?
People walk by, most are blind,
But some take notice: “Not for me”.
I hear the complaints: people in want.
I can fill the void, just see me.
Give, to the one next to me, I tried,
But, again, my offering denied.
Now to anyone who wants to see
Look in my hands, this gift, me.