heaven calls
my name but i'm a hard-headed man who
turns soft at night

heaven knows
it ain't what you got it's the way you shake it

heaven says
keep your hands where i can feel them

heaven is waiting
outside the gas station
in cut-off denim shorts
on our way into the mountains
over dolly parton bridge

i asked you if we could maybe just stay
like this a few days or spend forever
sitting on the roof of a camping pavilion
with water on my cheeks running from
my eyes & you told me to never cut my hair

we are above the surface of the earth
green & magenta in all directions & your daughter
whooping for joy below us dancing in softness
at the bright fire's edges always unfolding
she is your personal blossom & i'm
pulling the yellow ribbon from your hair
with my sunset teeth while your eyes
send me signs of warning

but our souls cannot resist each other since
i came back from snowy colorado
after learning all my mistakes in a single year
& that night we escaped your mother's
cigarette breath and found shapes in the clouds
like an elf looking closely maybe sniffing at a flower
as your daughter giggling swam naked in the river

today we're pushing boats across brown water glistening
in the sun & sweat droplets collect individually
on my chest & your daughter's forehead but you're
wearing a crown made of vines & wild roses
& absolutely smitten with love glowing in
sepia tones shaking a tambourine

we drifted along until the sky peeled back
& we're carried into wildness by the
fragrance of fungus & mud as we struggle
under the long tarp against the premonition of rain
while she chases invisible fireflies the fresh
curls you put in her head begin to wilt under the
weight of gravity & the afternoon sun at the
wet edge of the river it's near sunset & i'm
kissing your knuckles nibbling on nourishing
sweat & fingernail polish

that night after she went to sleep we stayed up
drinking whisky warm discussing liars
& lucid dreams & my desire + inability to grow a beard
as she snored a raw spring wind rattled our tent
& my body began to turn against itself stomach
decided to see what i was really made of & you
were at my back convincing me to stay open just
breathe & be myself telling me i'm not a criminal

this morning i awoke desperately clutching you
spinning on a new earth red-eyed & suntanned
dream-caressed & with morning trash breath but
i know your hands & feet become hypersensitive
just before waking so i'm burrowing under bundles
of clothes to find your curly cues smelling
like new pine needles & cotton

after breakfast you're lost in meditation over
the magic of this little girl dancing again around us
glittered mouth widening into a grin beside the river
we're sitting close together on a sandy beach
blindfolded by the magnificent sun rising
in an acidic orange sky with your gentle hand
at the back of my neck under a tree

& i'm focused on a spider
suspended shining in the light not accosted by skyline
thoughts & the murmurs of distant traffic
instead unraveling new wet silk against
the glare of sunstruck aluminum

i knew you were the one when you were just another
pretty girl in my bathroom mirror
thigh gap and eager-to-please smile just a
golden-lipped canary of the serene morning

and now your arms still go limp when i kiss you
your soul still whispers me to sleep
and when i see you so open in the morning
watering the indoor plants you are my
whole world in baggy sweatpants rolled to your knees
as the sun comes up and sprays golden sparks across
the imitation wood floors of the kitchen
and shatters over the mountaintop

just as summer birds sing symphonies
and bees hum at the window
you too were awake fresh and early
like a lily of the valley petal
glowing in 6am sunlight
beautiful flesh tumbling out
of an old plaid workshirt you wear
on sundays because you say it still smells like me
and you say i'm beautiful with funny looking ears
as i watch you make breakfast from across the kitchen

in this intimate environment we are dancing
like a bubble rising out of the dishsoap sink
halo'd in refrigerator light flowing together
as the morning coffee percolates
i am behind you pushing into you
burying my face in your neck and breathing in
and gently biting you on the shoulder

the sky breaks into veins of yellow cloud streaks
and you run screaming onto the porch
pelvis giggling out into the mellow morning
and of course i follow obediently
undershirt flayed open by a knife-like fingernail
the smell of fresh hay in both our noses

we are taking a summer journey
on feet full of the good earth and eyes
intensely warm under the bleached
colors of this april morning sky we're connected
and still dancing with my hands on your stomach
and your gentle fingers raking through my hair
making the giant white muscle bulge and throb
hosiery being shed like old skin off the snake
of your sun-kissed calves yes my fantasy
is finally made of flesh and colliding with the
soft green velvet bedspread underneath and
your feather-point tongue tickles the
outline of my abdomen shining thick and wet

until the record clicks and asks to be flipped.

**** me until i see god
**** me i'm falling apart
**** me i'm a prophet in a hiding place closet
**** me like we've got no place to go
**** me until the curtains fall down and collect dust
**** me sticky in a cloud of glitter
**** me and use the tears of angels as ****
**** me broken like a key and lock
**** me breathing on the freedom of a mountain
**** me with your shoes still on
**** me i'm crazy until i go blind
**** me under the powerful moon
**** me crying and laughing at the same time
**** me constant like a leaking faucet in the cold kitchen
**** me like a queen ***** her king
**** me weak on the stairs
**** me in the middle of a flower
**** me on a fault line shattering california
**** me always and even after that
**** me i'm
                             melting
like tupperware in the micro wave of your
                             *****

if i was a leaf blower i'd wish you were a stationary bike
so we could be forgotten together in an unused garage

i want to be a candlestick holder if you're a dinette set
so we can dance close under the chandelier in the quiet foyer

i'll be an old stained t-shirt if you're a chest of drawers
and i'll slip inside and live in the back of your heart forever

if you're a tennis ball and i'm a chewed up shoe we can
hide from the dog in the dark under the sofa holding hands

but i am only a rooftop
that you won't lay on
you are a thousand stars
out of reach and too beautiful to
acknowledge
me

i swear
but i'll sleep under your bed if you'll let me &
eat the dust in the crawl space between your kitchen walls
when you're entertaining guests &
only come out when they're in another room
or you ask me to

i'm not stalking you
i swear
i'm actually on this ladder fixing your neighbor's gutter
yes this same spot has been damaged for three years
& deserves a complex solution arrived at by
strenuous deliberation

i'm not stalking you
i swear
i'm not wearing the cologne you bought your ex
for christmas last year & threw out
into the aluminum trashcan six months ago
because that ******* didn't appreciate you
like i could

i'm not stalking you
i swear
i don't know how your mail gets mixed up with mine
at least twice a week the postman must be dyslexic
& also trade his mailbag with the guy who delivers mine
for five dollar bribes

i'm not stalking you
i swear
it's just funny we go to the same dentist &
you have such white teeth my mother would love
you if only for them

i'm not stalking you
i swear
this idea hasn't been growing in my brain since
i was an innocent boy spurting his essence into
a gym class knee high sock at night after
watching baywatch reruns

i'm not stalking you
i swear
i don't spend my days wondering if i should get
****** piercings
because you seem like the type to enjoy them

i'm not stalking you
i swear
i walk home this way too but instead
of a third floor elevator ride in a gated community
on the next block i'll continue three more blocks
west take the train back south four miles & finish
cutting through alleys for another mile until i
arrive at my own cellar apartment

it's not out of my way
i don't mind taking an alternative route

i'm not stalking you
i swear
but your cheekbones are stealing my sleep
& when i do dream you turn your ***
toward me not in surrender but
defiance that vicious
dilated ******* and heavy flesh
taunting me in my own
fleabed forever