i peeked into your secret

i unbottuned your sensitivity
with your own sarcasm

you blew my vietnam

my heart is a touchy speaker cable
and you sparked me up

now
i am empty beer bottles
oscillating in your hand
and then you set me down

i am your nostalgia and
you can only think of bad things
like bruised knees and gout
and that summer you
had walking pneumonia and syphilis
and you cried every night
into your mother's arms

i am the cancer you faked
in order to gain attention

i am that boy that fell for it
and gave you syphilis

i am your shaved head
on picture day in the 9th grade

i am your solitude
i am your noise
i am your virginity
being taken in the backseat of your
brother's best friend's parent's
camaro when you were 15
and more than willing

i'm dawning
i'm dashing
i'm dancing
i'm dwelling
i'm dying
i'm digging
i'm dishing
i'm diving
i'm dozing
i'm dragging
i'm dabbling
i'm drawing
i'm dropping
i'm dosing
i'm dredging
i'm dreaming
i'm drifting
i'm drinking
i'm driving
i'm delaying
i'm drowning
i'm dumping
i'm drilling

i'm dandy
i'm doleful
i'm delicious
i'm dapper
i'm daring
i'm dangling
i'm dangerous
i'm damaged
i'm ******
i'm daily



i'm david

i will rock you out tonight
i will shoot your sputnik to the moon
i will be an itch in the crotch of your space suit
i will be inside you
i will crush a star and sprinkle it in your hair
i will open your eyes and
i will open your mouth
i will start you up
i will let you loose
i will hold pure life in my hands
i will sleep on another couch tonight
i will dream of famine and golden wheat fields
i will dream of contradiction
i will recite the lords prayer
i will pull us under and
i will ***** a device that will bring us afloat

i am just an 8 year old boy
dressed up in church clothes
grass stains on knees, of course
food stains on tie and shoulders, of course
in 1998

you are my 9 year old sister
and i am sitting in a live oak tree
with a slingshot
and a ****-eating grin
against a cheekful of
big chew bubblegum
and you're gossiping
with your friends
you are wearing a
likely sundress
and a necklace that
i will eventually pawn
for 50 dollars

i snuck out
of grown-up church
15 minutes early

i hid the slingshot
here last night

i spent yesterday before
anyone was awake before
the sun had unleashed
her magic on the sky
sharpening my vision
perfecting my aim
feeling the shot
i did 45 jumping jacks
like in phys ed class

and i knew why
i had done these things

it's because i'm jealous
it's because you're perfect
it's because you love me
even when i don't deserve it
it's because you're beautiful
and everyone knows it
it's because i love you too
even though i rarely show it

wrapped up in aluminum foil
head resting on cracked concrete
surrounded by winking lights
and blinking eyes
warmth from the glow of humility
basking in the rays of a two dollar toaster
cardboard dwelling and trashbag scenery
paper towel t-shirt, styrofoam socks
salt and pepper lunchtime
pedastal reconstruction
hot coffee burnt tongue
peanut allergy and poisoned water
locked cabinet, rotting condiments inside an unplugged refrigerator
dying romance read only in magazines
purple heart scrawled on my arm
syringe full of bourbon plunged directly in my eye.

hi, how are you today?
i've broken every bone in my hand
writing you this letter
i've hidden away every past mistake
in the cushions of your puke green sofa
every broken promise from an ingrained diety
coffee cups and cutlery that i keep
as monument to one night spent with you
a thousand killing smiles and a hundred stolen kisses
i bend my knees and take a shot of clarity
the outline of dreams and IOUs
the place where awkward belongs
the sign of recovery hides in a dimly lit alley
***** and hungry and lonely and desperate.