I must tell you a story, of a very close friend
who overcame hurdles, but lived to the end

I can't say a name, or tell you just where
I've been trusted upon, by a friend whom i care

His hurdles and mountains, he climbed day and night
have broken his mind, but he put up a fight

Losing his father, in the worst kind of way
through alcohol and hatred, yet he made it through the day

A father of anger, suicide and doubt
How one can bare this, I can't figure out

A struggle with life, a barrage of guilt
for we each have a story, which make our hearts wilt.

But this story of burden he carries around
Follows him daily, yet he doesn't make a sound

Judge a book by its cover, and he seems a okay
But the struggle on the inside, slows down his day

Of course this friend, whom I know so well
Is just my own mind, if you couldn't tell

So all in all, I'm doing okay
I put on a smile and face each new day

Some days I'm up, and some days I'm down
But writing a poem is what keeps me around.

You play the part
You fill those shoes
You stand by my side
Yet I still sing the blues

Our hands fit together
While you fill those shoes
And you keep me close
Yet I still sing the blues

You're filling the void
For a broken hearted man
Desperate for the love
Of anyone who can

But I feel that the truth
Must be open and free
I can't lie to you
Because I know you love me

Hurting and broken
I chose you, for me
To help mend my heart
And to help set me free

Alas, time has passed
And I still sing the blues
Yet I've broken your heart
Now I'm singing for two.

Kindness happens, so it seems
Nowhere else but in our dreams
And perhaps some miles away,
That's what other people say.

I know this to be true
I've held my breath
Turned black and blue
I'm waiting for that day
That kindness starts to come my way

I know I've waited all in vain
I've felt the hurt and the pain
Kindness happens in our dreams
And nowhere else, that's how it seems.

With the setting of the sun
And the setting of your eyes
We part our ways
We say our goodbyes

With our last goodbye
And one last gentle breath
The impact you've made
And the love that you've left

Rest easy grandad
Know that we love you
Know that we miss you
Know all you've done

We will never forget
The luck that we've had
To be touched by your love
To be blessed by your life

Rest easy my friend
Leave all this pain
Rest easy my friend
We'll see you again.

Some days
I realize the burden
The frustration
The pain
My mother went through
Raising 3 kids
To a deadbeat dad
And I remember
How much I wanted
To have a real father
A role model
A hero
A friend.
Kicked out,
I didn't understand
He didn't love us
He didn't care
His beer was his companion
That's all he had.
And to say I felt bad
Would be a lie.
I didn't feel bad.
I didn't feel pain for him.
I felt angry.
Alone.

And now
Time and time again
I strive for something
That little bit
And every time
He disappoints.
Yet I try,
Always promising
Not to get hurt
Not to cry
And every time
Every ******* time
I break that promise
Fool me once
Shame on you
Fool me twice.
Shame on me.

Now it's your turn,
Show some courage
Show some compassion
For someone other than yourself.
Man the hell up,
Grow the hell up,
And be a real father.

'Sleep softly' he said
As I rest my body
Lieing on My hospital bed

'Sleep softly my dear'
As my eyes grow heavy
Drifting to slumberland

'Sleep softly my child'
As I close my eyes
And the lights slowly fade

'Arise' he said
I open my eyes
Revealing a whole new world

'Arise my dear'
As I rise to my feet
Seeing the bliss around me

'You're here my child'
I knew not where
I looked to him in wonder

'You're in heaven now
Where angels sing
You've made it'

Your time has passed
Now rest some more
You'll be happy here

Hot, Burning
Smokey and black
My life goes before me
My mind goes off track

How it happened?
We still do not know
It burnt to the ground..
In the winters snow..

A cigarette;
falling to the ground.
Could that be the cause
Of this firey mound?

An electrical fire;
Burning the walls
Could that be the reason
Why my house falls?

An unknown cause,
My life's burnt away.
As i lie in the ashes
I have nothing to say

We live we die
We laugh we cry
We love we lose
We fall we bruise
We build we break
We lie we fake
We honour we trust
We hate we lust
And all that time
We rush through
Without meaning
We miss the view

the dawn;
it breaks across
the sky lights
the clouds clear
crisp air rushes in
warmth and moisture
sweeping across
hitting your body
you smile
the warmth
the heat
like love
brushing
taking your breath
you collapse
staring towards the sky
the deep blue
the endless vast beauty
the sky..
the clouds...
the wonder of it all...

The tides of death
Roll in and out
Another life lost
Another sunken hope

The shores of life
The ocean of death
That rickety wharf
With one final breath

To chance that wharf
On the path between worlds
Which side I shall choose
Says the future holds

The path to the ocean
I run to the water
I glimpse at the future
And wonder why bother

But I'm tied to the shore
By family and friends
I've made my choice
This isn't where it ends

This hatred my dear
of the healthiest years
is worse than we feared dear
worse than we feared

it eats you alive
and tears you apart
this hatred my dear
its breaking my heart

This hatred my dear
of body and soul
of life and love
of joy and tears

Its dragging you down
to your 6 foot deep home
Leaving us behind
sad and alone

our times and our smiles
alive all the while
ill miss those the most
while i wander for miles

Alas my dear
its time to part
sad and alone
its broken my heart.

The wind was dead calm
An eerie chill hung in the air
I knew something just wasn't right.
But what....

That cold breeze on your back
Sends shivers up your spine
Unsure of the cause
Yet aware of the feelings
That seem to haunt your dreams
And reek havoc on your day

By night, a cold sweaty nightmare
By day, a bad feeling that lurks
Something is happening
Something is changing
Something...
But what....

Show you my demons
One by one

You tell me
To share my demons
A demon at a time
Yet you'll never really know
How broken
Shattered
Weak
I truly am
Deep down
On the inside
Where it counts
Where it hurts
Where it kills me
To hide those demons
Those monsters of life
Those daggers of the past

Unwanted but not unscathed
In the way yet invisible
That feeling that kills
When no one else cares
When nothing seems to matter
When all seems a loss

The shoulders give way
And the world shatters
Into a million pieces
Every piece matters
Every person matters
Except you

You're the piece
That broke away
Apart from the bunch
Separate from the herd
The ugly duckling
In a material world

The curse that haunts
It slashes your wrists
It drugs up your mind
And It ties the noose
That hangs you up
When you're hung up on life.

You can't break my shell
Or tear down my walls
The sounds of your voice
Are filling these halls.

You pray and you hope
For some little sign
Something to show you
I'm really just fine

On the surface, you see
Of this little scheme
Is not who I am
or who I have been.

Stuck in a hole
Alone and a loss
No words and no signs
For what is the cause

Forever it seems
Stuck with these dreams
Happiness lingers here
For the rest my years.

Fatherhood.
That difficult task
Of loving a child
and them loving back.
Sticking around
For all those bad memories
Like a first step
First day of school
First concert
All those horrible Birthdays
And the depressing Christmas
All these painful holidays
So hard to see your wonderful kids
Smiling and laughing
Enjoying life
To the fullest

I see now, why you chose the bottle.
It loves you back
Makes you smile.
Brings you gifts.
Keeps you company.
How selfish of me
To not truly see
The vast beauty
Of the bottle.

You cannot love these eyes of mine
For this heart of mine loves you not
You cannot have this soul of mine
For this mind is mine to keep

I cannot grant your every wish
I cannot greet your every day
I will not have your hand to hold
I will not watch as we grow old

Your love for me my love affair
Cannot last and will not fair
Your love for me my loveless friend
Will not start and will not end.

My ways are set, my mind is mine
My heart is taken by another
We cannot love and will not marry
My life and love you will not carry

It's just a copy paste smile
You'll never really know
What was hidden behind the backspace.

That feeling of loss
That never goes away
Hangs over your head
Takes over your day

The feeling never passes
As time flows by
And days turn to weeks
Til time has no meaning

When you feel this way
Every day
All you can say
Is this;
I hurt.

Death
Pouring from your veins
As you scream at me
With your hatred and disgust
I scream back
With heart and soul
You can't do this to us
As yet again you fail
As you always have
Yet you succeed
Our hearts shatter
Our minds scatter
And the love dies a little more
This is the end for you.
But mostly for us.

Burn all my love
For you deserve none
You've broken my trust
Bury the ashes

The deep scorching pain
To hear such a truth
You've broken my trust
You've burnt all my love

I've made my choice
To bury everything
All that you've meant
All that you've done

That deep apology
So sincere and sweet
So truthful and honest
Means nothing to me

Means nothing to me
As do you my love
Burn all my love
And bury the ashes.

That tiresome life
That pulls you away
Keeps you from me
It makes my heart fray

With you by my side
I conquered it all
Without you I stumble
Alone, I fall

These longest of days
That pass us both by
Like a rose without water
I wither and die

You're the blood in my veins
The strut in my stride
But I'm Longing for the comfort
Of you by my side

I'm not the sun, the moon or the sky
I don't have that sparkle when you look in my eye
I won't say I love you and kiss you good night
I won't say I'm sorry when I start a fight

(Added 02/2014)
I'm just not the one, the love, that guy,
We're not meant to be, I say with a sigh
It was good, it was fun, I had a great time,
But now all that's left is me, and this rhyme.

(Added 03/2014)
But maybe you are,  and maybe I do
Maybe it's love that I feel for you
My heads a mess and now that you're gone
My heart can't sense what's going on

Our past, our plans and future were bright
I looked in your eyes and saw a light
Alone, without you, I compare all to you
And none measure up, my heart is askew.

Let go
Breathe deep
Don't Forget
Don't regret
Just breathe
Inhale
Exhale
Move along
And let go.

We were perfect
On paper
We were meant to be
It was written as fate

But the lines
They disgraced me
The pages
Made me bleed

It was fated, that's true
But fated to end
Fated to destroy me
Fated to be my death

On paper
You were perfect
My love, my only
My saving grace

On paper
But on paper
Is fiction
And *******

The winter of my love
It's the coldest, harshest yet
My heart is dry, my heads a mess
Nothing's making any sense

The winters chill
Deep in your soul
It breaks you down
Swallows you whole

Shortest days
Saddest nights
Alone and afraid
Fighting for life

As we remember
Our fallen friends past
Remember their lives
And their seconds of last

As the time comes
For our moment of peace
We remember their lives
And their Soul, The release..

As the horn blows
Sending chills down your spine
We remember their faces
Like a power divine..

Powerful images
Of Death and deceit
Of Murderous Weapon
Of the bodies at your feet

As we remember..
Of our fallen friends past
Remember their lives
And their seconds of last

Back to reality
Where the pain is more painful
The days are more difficult
The smiles are more fake

Back to the real world
Where life is a hell
Death is a goddess
And you're not sure what to do

To live or to die
The questions of life
The love and the hate
The peace and the war

Now off to reality
To live like my last
To enjoy life to the fullest
To have the last laugh...

Stay away
From my paper heart
It's been wrinkled and torn
And ripped apart

There ain't enough glue
To piece it back
A broken down soul
A tired old hack

What's left of my heart
Is scattered around
The truth of my heart
Cannot be found

When the tears of past roll down my face, I will remember you.
When those faded memories come back to me, I will remember you.
From walls that housed me, to hands that fed, you will always be on my mind and in my heart.
Though the years have torn us, and drifted us apart,  I will remember you.
A once gentle heart, now lain to rest. Forever a memory, I will remember you.

I used to think I ruled the world
But now the days are long and cruel
Day by day I make it through
But I couldn't make it without you.

I ruled the world yet now you see
There's nothing special about me
We're both the same, me and you
Yet all alone I make it through

Without your hand in my hand
Without your grip to help me stand
I'll make it through my life alone
But I'll always wait for you at home.

Alone in my thoughts
I wonder
I wander
To those dark thoughts
That keep my up at night
That tear me apart
That tear up my eyes
The darkness
Is welcoming
The warmth
Embracing
The painless slumber
Of the tomb stone
To finally be
At peace
Painless
Emotionless
Free.
Oh to be free
Of this world

Catch me I'm falling
I can't help myself
Deeper and deeper
Into this blue abyss

Falling and falling
All Over again
I find myself crawling
Back out again

When will I wake up
From this dream
That's become a reality
That's become every day

When will I rise
And open my eyes
And smile and laugh
Like everything is okay

When will I live
Like this life is enough
Like I'm tougher than tough
Like I can make it

When will this end
This sorrowful dream
This wreck of a life
That I call my own.

Pick up the pieces
And start again
As if I didn't hurt you
As if I didn't leave

Take your pills
Those lovely drugs
That keep you sane
That make you free

Free of me
Free of my jail
Free of my grasp
Free of my pain

Stay Away from my hindrance
Get Away from my ways.
Stay clear of my heart
Before I tear yours to shreds

Those secrets I keep
In their dusty attic home
Afraid of the light
Afraid to be known

I keep them alone
Adrift in my mind
Because I'm afraid
Of what you may find

The perfection I show
The mind that you see
The happiness I share
Is not really me.

The waves crash along the shore
That salty fishy scent
A boat coasts across the bay
The water ripples along its path

The sky, cloudy, yet bright
The sun still shines through,
A typical day
Overcast, cool, breezy.

I sit. Ponder. Gaze.
Lost in thought
Lost in my own mind

What is this life
What is the point
How do I go on living
Without any hope for the future

The seagulls cry
Floating on the surface
Not a care in the world
Such a peaceful time

I dip my feet
into the cold atlantic
the chill ripples through my body
such a sharp buring cold

And back to reality
With the same questions
Without an answer
But thats just life

....isnt it?

I hate you
Honest.
Blunt.
And brutal.
But it's true

I hate who you've been
I have what you've said
I hate who you made me
And the way I've been lead

I used to forgive you
I used to think you'd change
I believed you were better
But you're simply deranged

You've ******* with our minds
With your messed up lies
You've made us all hurt
You've made us all cry

To say that I hate,
A feeling so strong
It kills me inside
It seems so wrong

And yet here I am
Without another choice
I need to be free
Need to get back my voice

To get out of my mind
Out of my own Head
To forget what youve done
And everything you've said

I'll find my own path
you find your own
I've managed it this far
I'll go it Alone.