You always complained,
hated the way you looked,
Felt you had to compare,
Yet on you I was hooked,

You Felt you were chubby,
you hated having a scar,
Despised the stretch mark tummy,
Said your teeth were quite bizarre.

You, so strong and Independent,
Hating being between Jobs,
Living in poor conditions,
Stuck in a house full of slobs.

All you wanted were the girls,
Who were (wrongfully) taken away,
You could talk of them for hours,
Always having more to say.

You find all these faults and flaws,
You tell me that you're "Broken"
Yet you're perfect in my eyes,
I leave no praise unspoken.

Your eyes, like gems, They sparkle,
The way when you smile, they're amazing.
Your voice, cute, feminine, airy.
I really did love it when you'd sing.

The hair?  Good god.  That Moe Hawk.
Worst haircut choice you ever made.
And the Beiber haircut?  Speechless.
Your independence I could not dissuade.

Yet you were still her, the one I wanted.
The looks always grew on me in the end.
You made me honestly happy, Love.
I thought you'd always be my best friend.

The Piercings? Attractive.  The tattoos more so.
Everything I wanted I saw in you.
Your curves?  Your body?  Your shameless flirting?
Incited a lust in me no other woman could do.

You strive so hard to be individual,
Beautiful, Strong, Smart, Charming,
Even now, that you've left, your smile,
So pretty and pure, still completely disarming,

No matter what I've said in Jealousy and Anger,
You're an amazing woman.  I just can't lie.
We may never even talk again after this,
We may not ever be able to see eye to eye.

But I think you were my "one",
Cause I am affected by no other,
I'll never forget you, Jen,
The Music loving nerdy Mother,

But now I'll walk away, while wishing you the best.
Hoping you find the happiness you want so badly.
It seems our chapter has ended, in such a poor state.
If you change your mind, I'll be here.  Open arms.  Welcoming gladly.

I used to claim "I love the Rain",
But that was when I had you.
It used to be an enjoyful thing,
The things you and I could do.

And now it's just a dreary pour,
Another day with cloudy skies,
Bleak and Pointless and icy cold,
As the memory of you dies.

No comfort here, in the rain.
No soul warming ray of light.
Just soggy clothes, we cigarettes,
Bad memories of every fight.

My own little world, of grey gloom.
Feelings of Numb, empty, and anger.
Knowing I could have handled it better,
That I didn't need to be so mean to her.

But it doesn't matter anymore, not now.
The past is the past, never again.
I'll have my brooding, silent smoke,
Til the sky clears, but till then,

I used to claim, "I love the Rain",
But I'm not so sure these days.
Nothing but hurt and memories,
Wishing we hadn't parted ways.

You'd bring it up and remind me,
I'm the only liar here, you'd say.
Yet you're too ashamed to admit,
You Lied and Used me every day.

You needed the money and help,
And I tried not to hold it against you,
But you manipulated me with your lies,
Swore to me "I want to try again, I do"

Always made sure you got what you wanted,
Not caring if it meant I'd go without,
Gifts, Tattoos, Food, Alcohol, Anything at all,
You didn't care if to you I was Devout.

You got what you wanted, and you left.
Yet you still had the stones to blame me.
You got so mad when you were called out on it.
So mad when you were laid out for them to see.

They called you a *****, as ****, a liar.
You were offended people we knew said that.
A few guys said "She's done this all before"
"She'll never grow up and stop being a brat"

Oh, she'll mope about losing her kids.
Or claim how poorly he treated her.
She'll always blame him as the bad guy,
Even after the memories start to blur.

Yet he's an idiot, ignoring their advice.
"Take her to court, sue her, get it all back"
Maybe he should stop caring and do that,
Even though she begged him for slack.

He would have done anything for this woman,
But she used him only for a means to an end.
And even though missing her, more than he should,
He knows she'll never really be his friend.

She's too self centered and greedy,
in the end, she only cares about her.
And how life's just so 'unfair and mean',
and how she misses how things once were.

Maybe it's time to give her a reason to hate,
the person she used and disposed of.
Make her as miserable as she has made you,
Make her regret using your love.

But what is the point, since as much as you know,
You still worry about her, you still care.
Where's the joy in taking your just revenge?
When it leaves you feeling black, empty, and bare?

And now we've hit the end,
Not sure how I feel anymore,
Is this Pain and Guilt and Shame?
Lies of the promises we swore.

Anger and Jealousy and Hurt,
I never claimed to be perfect.
It's hard, trying to be positive.
When you're struck with Defects.

So maybe I just tried too hard,
To tell you that you had no flaws,
Tried in vain to bandage the broken,
Couldn't be fixed by any tape or gauze.

Just maybe wasn't meant to happy,
Yet you'll always mean so much.
You've gone off so far, so distant,
Removed from my life and clutch.

My loyalty wasn't good enough,
Tried to be honest, you didn't care.
Yet I let you burn me, Twice now,
Leaving for yet another affair.

I'll never stop worrying and caring,
But right now I don't forgive you.
You used me like the fool for you I am,
without caring the damage you'd do.

I'll just turn and walk away for now,
There's no point in trying so hard anymore,
No clue if I'll ever hear from you again,
But I'll be here, like always, if you want an Encore.

You gave up, Walked away,
Didn't want anymore conflict,
I said I was finish too, yet
My words and actions Contradict,
The anger faded out over time,
But now I sit here feeling Derelict.

I suppose maybe I pushed too hard,
Maybe my anger carried my actions too far,
Blinded by jealousy and anger and emotions,
Seeing you as a beautiful shooting star,
Proud and independent, strong and smart,
All the good memories reduced to a scar.

You used to make me laugh so much,
Your picture left me smiling for days,
But now all we can do is yell and argue,
I've hit the wall and run out of ways,
To try and reach out to you, to be a better man,
Now I sit and watch, our memory decays.

The memories, the promises, the flirting,
The talks of perverse acts and sin,
Everything I had so badly wanted,
Crushed again, before it can even begin,
Maybe it's time, close the book and toss it,
Finally **** that small spark of hope within.

All I can do now is hope that you're happy,
Suppress memories that make my throat constrict,
Wishing you happiness, health, and good fortune,
Ignoring the pain missing you will inflict.
Saddened things had to end so poorly,
As I sit here, with my thoughts, Derelict.

The time we had,
Fades more each day.
I cry for you now,
yet you'll only turn away.

And this sickness,
it consumes me.
Yet I let it define,
All I will ever be.

Can we be fixed?
Is there any chance?
Pondering this thought,
in my drunken trance.

I tried so hard today.
Just not to think of you.
Yet I sit here daydreaming,
and there's nothing I can do.

The sandglass empties,
Time just slips out.
Feelings of insanity,
making me want to shout.

Afraid to lose you,
Afraid to expire.
Yet I feel time will end,
without the one I desire.

Time always seems to slow down,
Thinking of you not being around.
Sitting here, hurting, missing you.
Heavy heartbeat, the only sound.

Time will still go on,
continue to slip away.
Yet here I'll sit, waiting.
Missing you every day.

You Lied.  You used me.
Till there was Nothing More.
Pushed me away for Another.
Same thing you did before.
You think I'm an idiot,
I think you're a *****.
You won't find my kindness
waiting for you anymore.

You can't even be honest with me,
Every time you speak you Lie.
You've finally pushed me too far.
I wish you'd be gone, just go die.
You're not even worth the effort.
this time I won't have to get high.
To forget what you meant to me,
Now just disappointment, a sigh.

You used to be so beautiful,
you were flawless in my eyes.
Yet you used me, Lied to me,
Lead me on, and left to **** other guys.
You're too self centered,
too spoiled.  So it's no surprise.
You'll never have a working relationship.
Your greedy ***** side is your demise.

In the end, I'm shocked.
It doesn't hurt, there's no pain.
You've shown who you are,
No more of your emotional drain.
No more arguments, no more fights.
No more trying so hard for something so vain.
You're not the woman I fell in love with.
You're just someone who toys with my brain.

No more anger. No more pain.
Just disappointment, a little numb.
Taking a step back, looking hard.
Asking "How was I just so Dumb?"
They were all right about you, yea.
Why was I trying so hard for some ***?
The feelings just gone now.
The emotions left quite glum.

I could be angry.  Immature.
Call you white trash.  A *****.  A ***.  
But it's just not worth it anymore.
I wish you the best, hope you're happy, so....
I want you gone.  For good.
After you pay what you owe.
Because now we can Never be friends.
How you used me was too low a blow.

I ****** up in the past,
I ruined what we had.
Yet here I tried again,
Perhaps I am just Mad.

I thought that it would work,
I expected something new,
I tried so very hard,
Fueled by thoughts of you.

I know you have your faults,
And things you think are flaws.
Yet you're beautiful to me,
But I can't do it anymore, because...

You lie when it's convenient,
Your guilt trips hurt, you see.
You sit and watch as I try,
yet the only one trying is me.

I put my hand out to you,
Begged you not to walk away,
Yet you made up your mine, left.
Not caring what I had to say.

I said things out of anger,
Some things I do regret.
Let things get out of hand.
Perhaps unfixable, but yet...

You're still beautiful to me.
Even if you're gone for good.
As hard as I tried to make you smile,
Maybe I just never really understood.

I'm not the man you need,
Nor the one you wanted.
Maybe I'm just not good enough,
such thoughts, I'm constantly haunted.

And now I don't know how to fix it.
I don't even know if I can.
Most likely I've already lost you
To a much better man.

I don't know what to do now.
And I don't know how to do it.
I thought it was going so well.
Now happiness turns to ****.

Disappointment and Pain,
knowing now you're gone forever.
I thought we could pull through it,
but now you've become my Never.

I met my one, Total dud.
Girlfriends, they come and go.
Lies, Manipulations, Fakes.
A few friends, even more so.

Family then?  Disapproval.
Hatred, Fights, Anger.
My Soul Mate?  My other Half?
Abandoned.  I do miss her...

So what's left?  Who's here?
No one but my shadow today.
Always with me, Truly loyal,
S'okay, I don't need others anyway...

At least it won't judge me,
Tell me I'm not good enough.
Won't manipulate or Use me.
Won't mind if I'm not that tough.

It's a bit lonely with him though.
He's not a very talkative guy.
I'd lose what's left of my mind,
If he's all I'll have till I die.

So maybe I'll be more open.
Stop dwelling on being *******.
Maybe meet someone new, Decent,
That might improve this foul mood.

You've beat me, pushed me down,
Thrown me away, Thought I was finished.
Curb stomped my dreams, my hopes,
Crushed my Soul, My spirit Diminshed,

I lost my visions, lost my morals,
Sick of who you'd made me become,
I question why I'm still here,
Why I've survived being so dumb,

Everything I sacraficed for this,
was forever faithful to only you,
Even when you beat me back down,
I did everything to stay true,

You give me nothing to believe in,
yet here I am, forever the fool,
You think I don't know anymore,
But I'm not just here as a tool,

The things you've done and said,
I know too much of this *******,
I know even if I ask you about it,
You'll never have the respect to admit,

I promised you I'd always be there,
No matter what happens, and I'm here,
But realize, I wont be pushed anymore,
You're no longer my near and dear,

Maybe I'm still a foolish dreamer,
You may always be the love of my life,
But I didn't deserve all that pain,
I never deserved that much strife,

Yet I still have the good memories,
I wish I could just forget the scars,
But I can't talk to you without hurting,
Feelings that would put me behind bars,

Escaping the bad dreams to find another day,
Shoes, Hat, Out into the city shining bright,
The world waking up, coming to life,
Coffee, Conversations, Off to the daily plight.

The same routine, always, day in and day out,
The same demons, hidden behind these shades,
The same bitterness, the anger and longing,
The same dreams, even as their light fades.

Everything's changed, nothings as it was,
You won't get close, it'll stay locked inside,
I won't allow it to come out again and be hurt,
buried deep in the darkness, it'll hide.

The same excuses, always a load of crap,
The same lies, never an ounce of respect,
The same person, despite claims of change,
The same results, I know what to expect.

Even though the pain subsided long ago,
The miserable work of art and ink remains,
Reminders of memories long since laid to rest,
All this just in one name, etched above the veins.

The same pain, no matter how deeply it's buried,
The same Worry, no matter how badly it went,
The same feeling, that horrible, empty pain,
The same loss, blackness, void, slipping away.

You'll never understand, no matter how I try,
It's just who I am, I just can't hate you.
God knows I wish I could, despise your existence,
But nothing will ever make you feel that way too.

I still dream about it, that smile.
And i Know it's been quite a while.
Yet here we are, talking like friends.
But neither of us have made amends.
So familiar, this feeling of deja vu.
Yet who is this person, Who are you?
Is she the one I was sure was the one
or has all that bonding been undone?
It feels like we're just strangers now
wanting to reconnect, don't know how.
You're just someone I used to know
You left, felt you just had to go.
Everyone tells me to just turn you away
Not listen for a moment to what you say.
I want to, but I don't think I can
Maybe that makes me a much lesser man
The things you did were unforgivable
helping you shouldn't be on the table.
Yelling at you, cussing you out, anger.
No.  Instead, like a tool, I pay her.
Why cant I just let go, once and for all?
How long can I maintain this, until I fall?
I don't know you now, but I wish I did.
This obsessions starting to go morbid
Yet I can't just turn away or be cruel.
But how long will I have to be your fool?

It's been a good while now,
Since you walked away.
You never told me the truth,
And I still have a lot to say...

People have told me these things,
Things I never really wanted to know,
But everyone says you're happy now
And maybe I'm just confused, so...

You say you're hurting for money,
Food Stamps, you said, kept you going,
Some stupid old urge to offer help,
Lost dreams, feelings, forgoing.

Yet why do I still feel this way?
Is it just cause the last one left?
Am I just on the rebound right now,
or is it your attention of which I'm Bereft?

Would I still honestly do Anything for you?
Is this confusion just the heat and the hunger?
Do I still Dream of that smile sometimes?
Or just Nostalgia of days when we were younger?

I don't know what to say right now.
My life's just in a complete mess.
I won't ever interrupt your happiness,
But I'm still in love with you, I confess.

How is it a simple praise
From you, can make my day?
Yet you leave me hurt, numb,
Unsure of what to say...

The object of my affection,
Yet now a Cold, Hard *****.
Not sure if I should still want you,
Or wish you dead to rot in a ditch.

This Dark and Deadly storm,
Of hateful thoughts in my mind,
Yet when the squall calms,
I always Reflect and find,

Despite your Lies and Abuse,
I find myself still missing you.
None of these others satisfy it,
Feels like insanity, what to do?...

Just keep trying to move on.
Because we can never go back.
Our lives can only go forwards,
Yet everything feels out of whack...

Memories of times long gone,
Thoughts of feelings dying.
If I said I don't miss the laughs,
You'd know I'd just be lying.

But we can never go back,
Because you walked away.
Decided I wasn't worth it,
Nothing would make you stay.

I hope you find your happiness,
After all the fights, you deserve it.
I'll just stay here, forgotten again.
No surprise that life's gone to ****.