Our play only exists in my head
And I can just love you there

You let me in
And shared your drinks
Falling over
Tipping between
ugly things

It's much different now
I'm no longer oblivious

I'm clouded
Making judgments
through ***** glasses

Killing time
I'm afraid
I'm wasted

Our cat sleeps between us
on the mattress we laid on our living room floor.

She finds the warmth and sticks to it.
Her knees are weak from surgery.
It's undesignated where she chooses to sit.
For the past couple weeks, she doesn't seem too hungry.

She's a witness to the demons that saunter out of me
Pulling me back within myself.

She lays on my chest
She lays between your legs

let's muddle the social structure of relationships with our bodies
just acting on desire
let's rub our ***** bodies with other filthy bodies we encounter

**** being clean
what is cleanliness

I wanted you in an instant

in some creepy way, I'm trying my very best not to seem like a creep
I'm not interested in pushing myself on you
there's never an easy way to ever make a fantasy real

we're learning about visual cues and distractors
you're ******* distracting

I don't see you as an object
I'm judging a book by it's cover but I think
we'd get along
you have tattoos
I have tattoos
**** it
whatever
that's a thing to go off of

the class gets out in 7 minutes
but ****
you already got up and left.

I thought a lot about
death as a young child

I severed every tether
I tied with friends I didn't like

I fought wars with my mind
Sit around and tell stories of our lives.

You had me by the hands and you pulled me closer
So I could feel you crying.
Lost for words I pulled away
And I kept on driving.

"There's nothing wrong", I said. For a couple days.
You suspected something.
We laid there beneath the sheets on the same bed
but I kept my distance.

We both had been through the same mess
But you came out lonelier
Than I did cause there's no room
For despondence in my calendar.

You stocked up on splinters when I pulled mine out.
I'll take advantage of my chances before they run out.
We're not like trees. We can't wait till spring
To grow some brand new leaves.

You kept your eyes shut for most of your life. When will you shut your mouth?
Spent months of self loathing. You hate me
I hate myself, too.
I love how well we retaliate
The way your pretty little lips are cut by the ugly words you spit out.
I pace around my room the way I did as a child.