i tried giving you the stars
but you still
rained
down
c o m e t s

you told me once that i was like a flower
so you plucked me out of ground

at the time i felt special that you'd chosen me.
out of everyone you chose me.

even as you plucked away at me, as if i were some game
even as you tore away at my stem , sending me every which way
even as you tied me in knots draining me out
as you picked, crushed, burned
even as you left me there, nothing left but broken petals and rivers of pollen,

i still loved you

i realize now that i could have been better off growing without you

i loved you
as quickly as the snow
drifted to the ground
oh how cold
your winter can be

you make me feel
like maybe the suffering
and the world
and all the aches and pains
are worth it
because ive waited
this long
to feel the embrace
of your voice
your kind
your smile
your warmth
im forever thankful
for you

i loved being drowned by your one thousand hellos
but i hated being consumed by your one and only goodbye

you are such a summery feeling
how do you do that thing
when you smile
and every worry
and ache
and thought
and movement
escapes from my body
i just stare
i stand there
and i stare

note to self:

it is okay to fail

it is okay to break down when you need to

it is okay to love yourself

it is okay to speak out

it is okay to create a life where you feel comfortable and happy