i’m glad the tour your band took in 2016 was successful and i hope you can still hear a crowd echoing your words
even though i was the only one who could hum them under my breath
ill take the next train out from hartford if you promise to meet me @ penn station
at least i see you in my dreams, love
they say that dreams are an alternate reality given we spend about 6 years in them
i don’t really know who “they” are but maybe they’re wrong  
and if dreams are all that i will have left of you i suppose i should take what i can get

i don’t want a fall wedding anymore
i don’t want kids anymore (i never really wanted them anyway but i would have flown to the moon if you only asked)
i don’t want to keep up with the band name list and i don’t want a whole state to be surrounded by metaphorical barbed wire but i guess that’s all i can be left with since the last three years have brought me no comfort and no closure

we were going to burn the city to the ground
we were going to wake up sleepy sunday mornings with the sounds of life we should have never had to dream about
why does it feel like i’m still waiting for you to come home?

i used to paint the town red with the blood from my mouth
i could count the phases of the moon from the crescents caused by the digging of my nails into my hands
it was easier that way

late night side streets accompanied by no one but a playlist and a flashlight
i ran while crossing the road to get to anywhere
sometimes i wonder if the street light near the cemetery still flickers
and if i have any claim to the gravel behind the post office
does your mom ever tell you that i drive by your house?
when i finally woke up beside the lake i didn’t know it would feel like nothing

i am doing just fine, thank you
do you remember how i liked to keep in touch?  

thinking about the united states postal system and how i feel lost in the mail

i want to scream the way i did in 2016 but with the words that my mouth will allow but haven’t said except for in substance induced sleep
driving faster to get to my destinations so i don’t have to think about the outcome has become more of a victory song than a death march
i’ve started writing songs again!
i’ve started smiling at the sunset!
if we keep waking up before the sunrise we’ll last a little longer

the sun still sets in east hartford just like i’m sure it does in philly
2 more minutes
i’m too high for comfort on this sunday night and i’m starting to grasp the concept of denial
i would have stopped us on that friday night in a restaurant
i remember us like a low budget movie
how can we forget the red lights reflected on a wet city street
the front bottoms play us out while the credits roll and flashing videos of smiles only for us and a love only you had outgrown
call me when you get home
drive safely
stop reminding me to take my meds because i’m letting the prescription expire like we did

even if i can’t open the curtains to let the sun in someone has to remind me that ******* it there’s a whole universe out there and it will wait
everything stays right where i left it
and everything stays right where time stood still
i’m still in my mother’s basement writing small chunks of song on a 4 stringed instrument hoping to god someone can hear me
ambivalence isn’t a strong character trait and it’s the year i start asking for more

the rules of the game are simple
keep the dust from collecting and keep your hands out of your hair
keep the sink empty
god i have got to get out of my house
i’m going to eat the concrete from the streets and scrape my knees so they have something to talk about