I'm not afraid to
be the only
person that I've
ever known
I can't remember
what I've forgotten
I can't forget what I have learned

I'm not afraid to
see the things that
I have seen but
have never shown
I can't believe I
thought I'd make it
spending money I had never earned

and I
wasn't there
when you combed my hair
with your tiny little fingers

and I
didn't care
that you could see your own reflection
while my mirror remained bare

I'm not a poet
I'm not a singer
I'm not anything, but
I was before
I left the lights on
pulled up the blankets
closed my eyes and
you locked the door

and I
couldn't be
the one you put before you always
because I
didn't see
the way you spent the rest of your days
and I
wouldn't be
anything like you remember
yet I
will still
think of you every September

I'm not about to change the way things have become
The way you smiled at me is etched into my cranium
and if I went back there I'd wind up where I am because
the things I did today were just as real as they were then
Even if all I was is all I ever could have been
Stagnant was my middle name and yours was always Hurrying
In order to progress I needed to rebuild
A structure will not stand if its creator isn't skilled

I'm not allowed to
Look towards you
Or I will
Lose my way
I can't remember
What I've forgotten
Although I did today