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May 2018 · 102
The force
We're as strong as our hearts,
We beat as hard as it beats.

I'm more than been lost in a dream
That I no longer dream,
And my heart tells me so.

I'm fragile
For my ears are shut,
Numbed or whatever,
But I resist.
I'll move on, I'll swim
And I'll fly if I need to.
If I want to.

Want,
What a strange word.
I never know whose voice it is
When it is pronounced.
May 2018 · 128
The debris
The capital of vertigo,
of the hollow structures,
of the lack of space that evidences
the abyss between us,
capital of deviations
in our ways and looks,
of the events,
of circulation, of movement,
of the people oppressed in villages, favelas,
and occupations,
of the ugly smoke that arose
erasing people,
erasing
what has never been seen.

The debris are heavier
than the building.
May 2018 · 104
The cracks
We gotta break,
Gotta fall apart,
And amend piece by piece,
Gotta be vulnerable,
Gotta be exposed,
Gotta crack and glue,
And in new ways be arranged.
Gotta lose in order to gain,
Be last to be truly first,
Gotta die to be born.
The new is old,
Is been old for centuries.
Apr 2018 · 111
The stories
Our stories are to be told
Even in things that tell nothing about us
Apr 2018 · 105
The lack of abstraction
I feel nothing capable
Of providing me a poem.
A weather report could be
As abstract as I am now.

In any instance of lack of creativity
I shall remember
My invisible world, although hidden,
Is there at any times,
Ready to conform
Ideas into anything sensible.
Apr 2018 · 101
The sleep
Sleep, sleep
May you find
In dreams and mourns
Your awaken answers.

Sleep,
The rest is yours,
In other parts
The day is through,
People are running,
The sun out there,
But sleep in the calm
Of constellations.

Sleep,
Slow down
Hold your heartbeats,
The frequency of thoughts,
Don't miss your sleep,
Don't think of it,
Don't let it talk,
Breathe,
Breathe,
Gently breathe.

If you catch the train,
You'll go far and you'll go deep.
Sleep.
Apr 2018 · 132
The circle
Life is a never ending circle
(Or a one time ending)
Of breaking down and recovering
Breaking down
Recovering
Breaking down.
Apr 2018 · 97
The inner voice
The voice
Always talking,
That fears,
that shuts all other voices,
That voice that kills
Anger and contempt
(But still a wrathful
Even in it's sober tone),
That voice,
That numbing voice,
That fades all screaming,
That knows you're never enough,
That filters your desires,
Our worst desires,
Our desire to **** everyone,
To **** our parents,
To bring suffering to those who at moments we hate,
To just explode and cry and beat,
That voice that shuts this all up
(It's just a ******* reptile screaming):
Go to hell.
Apr 2018 · 105
The artist
Let life resonate.
Pulse, pulse, pulse
Vulnerably.
Apr 2018 · 160
The answers
Every attempt to reach an answer
Is wrong fundamentally:
The premise that there is an answer.

Truth is only found
Where it cannot be sought;
Every rationalization is a lie
That, nevertheless, makes sense
If we believe in it.

Pure truth is overrated
For it is real
And real we cannot conceive.
Apr 2018 · 78
The experience
The myriad of colors
only expose a fraction of possible existences;
it's not about colors, but about divergence.

The inner world
extended to contain the whole universe,
living side by side
with frozen possibilities
that never came to exist
in order to expose a truth
that earned this title
only by the chance
and rigorousness of time.

Only experience convert
thought into truth.
Apr 2018 · 114
The cold
In my bones
and in my skin,
I can feel it,
all of it.

My heart pumps
warm blood
just to meet the freezing
of the coldness inside,
and the coldness outside,
the ice of every look,
the crystal of every saying,
the burning cold
of a perhaps deserved indifference.

Suddenly, the phantom of your touch
heat all of me in my endless fury
to repeat all my mistakes once more.
Apr 2018 · 107
The disappointment
At some point
I'll let you down.
I don't like it,
But I'll do.

I expect too much of me
But I'm only a repeated self,
Running the board in circles,
Skipping houses from time to time,
But inevitably reaching endless wells.

It's not a lack of love,
It's a lack of self love.
Apr 2018 · 76
The simplicity
Life is actually simple:
Live or die.

Little by little
Our moments sum up
Who we are.
Apr 2018 · 68
The poet
If I say nothing
Would it still be a poem?

The absence of words
Is the greatest triumph
Of a poet
With so much to say.
Apr 2018 · 76
The reverse
It's only through wisdom an sapience
We discover the reverse aspect of life.

The imprisoning freedom,
The life lost through joy,
All the lightness that we struggle to carry,
The darkness that reveal all the surfaces and texture and colors,
The pleasure we trade for pain,
All these symptoms
Of a pulsing life
That dies young and is born old.

We can only foresee our future
Looking through rearviewmirrors
Pasts lying ahead,
Waiting for our mistakes to be repeated,
Hits that perfectly miss the target,
Just to see the pointing arrow
Always running against the flows of time.
Apr 2018 · 119
The "saudade"
Oh saudade,
How I miss you...
Suddenly, you became
An index of happiness,
My measure of success,
And, yet, although all is missing,
I miss you: you failed me.

Distant meadows
Hide your shallow substance,
But I'm here, nurturing you,
And missing you,
Missing to miss.

I miss you so much
My feelings have got sick,
Faded, faded, disappeared.

Haven't I got mad;
It's just the cold weather
Remembering me
The warmth of your coldness
Apr 2018 · 73
The imbalance
Where to dock
If lonely ports don't attract me
And crowd ports scare me?

Where can have so much life
That one can only be satiated of it,
Where is that curiosity,
Of so much healthy, bores me,
Where is that so many salty tears
Can fill my sweetness?

Why am I so afraid of life
Of all my crying is for having it too much?
All this health sicken me,
I sink my ship in the middle of the Atlantic
So, maybe, I'm reborn in Pacific.

I've lived intensely the middles:
I came from a mid-sized town
In the mid of Midwest,
Found myself in midtown of a big city,
In the middle of extreme and opposite opinions,
With an older and a younger brother,
Half way of where I judge myself capable,
Half lonely, half accompanied,
In the middle of people (never in their extremes);
Immensely in the median  disequilibrium.
Apr 2018 · 114
The absurd
Life is the exhaustive experience of absurd:
More than this is inconceivable;
Less, it's just insulting.
Apr 2018 · 72
The forger
Sometimes I'm a poet
But most often
I'm an ordinary forger,
Torturing words
To fulfill my sadist desires,
Watching them cry out loud
Meaningless combinations
Purposely vague to seem intelligent.

I never played around
To see what could I do.
What could I've done?
What would I've done?
Would I change the world,
Be a tyrant advocate
Of reason, of equality, of mercy?
Would I at least understand
Why I keep my bed
Always facing the (shut) door?
Or I would be the same as I am
Running over and over
For something different
That never meant to be,
And find myself
From time to time wandering
What could I've done?
What would I've done?

We are shy to show
The little tiny mess we're made of,
Like a thief,
We hide what reveals us.

The orange night sky
Says more about my city
Than the heaven above it.
I only wished to be your balloon,
Side by side flying
Guided by our inner winds
And the blows the world gives us.

No more being somewhat hidden in the bushes,
Half shouting, half shut,
Waiting for a response
Long ceased.

Life only makes sense through life,
Anything beyond that steals its sense:
If I ought to live for love, or for money
I shall live less for life.

And the blows,
Those blows ahead,
Know nothing about life,
Our about nothing.
Therefore, life remains hermetic,
Sealed within the boundaries of grandiosity.

Anything less than this is unfair.
Apr 2018 · 85
The day that went
The day ends
With another dose of order.
Million heads inside each one
Standing on bus stops,
On the way home to work to home to work
Missing the *****,
Missing the dancing,
The movement.

All enclosed
(Myself included)
Within imprisoning sounds,
Engine's music or music's engine,
Whatever works;
Feeling ***** through unacquainted eyes.

My voice shut
For I know the disease, the medicine,
But I know not the wellness;
I know rolling wheels
Riding over what I've been at some point in life.

I'm just missing a cross of eyes.
Apr 2018 · 90
The past
I leave behind
the matter that carried me on,
I vanish in the air
like the smoke of an almost off cigarette.

The lightness becomes heavy,
like a stuck anchor
of a ship that must sail.

To retain life in my hands
is to die little by little,
die of steadiness,
die of lack of excesses,
die of a not exhausted life.

Re-write my own story
is to **** who I have been,
undo the trips I have done,
swallow old laughters,
live backwards;
what I am and what I did
could only lead me where I am now.

I expect a great past ahead of me.
Apr 2018 · 100
The letter
He received this strange letter
By himself, in years yet to come.

"Everything's okay;
You've done well,
Earned plenty,
Been good,
Healthy,
Loved a whole life,
In colors and sounds and tastes.
Nothing missing,
Only now and then."

He put it on the table,
Glad that he would live
An extraordinary life,
Just before a self inflicted shot
Run over his head.
Apr 2018 · 120
The leap
Distances prevail,
The spaces between us remain.
I take one more step,
One step closer to a free fall.

Solid grounds we miss
Greener fields we seek
On the other side of the abyss;
Bridges are yet to be invented.

There are more mysteries
Than chemistries,
More sand than mortar;
The life ahead is always bigger
Even if all life should perish today.

All it takes is a leap.
Apr 2018 · 84
The mistake
I've missed.
A mistake does not
Define me.

It's
Just
A
Mistake.

Sorry.
Apr 2018 · 155
The alley
Walking with tight shoes
One meter sight ahead,
Trembling, feet by feet on a wonky land.

My bones cold,
My fear well fed
By imaginary hands,
And food nevertheless real:
The end of the alley, cornered.

One year, one month,
Silly calculations of an inexact variable,
My head up and down
Of every thought,
Short lenses,
Missing landscapes,
Loud chaotic songs,
Distracting every bit of me
In bits, bytes, pixels and inches
Of an infinite and small creation.
Apr 2018 · 75
The desert
Among the wounded and the dead,
Everyone was saved;
Everything I can put my eyes on
is invisible to me.

The pain I actually feel
cannot bother me,
and, often, I feel
only to miss it.

What is there,
that lives beneath anger
that calms me down?

The burning touch
of a sweet song
dries out these eyes
that never saw tears
for suffering is desert;
in the desert I'm lost,
in the desert I remain conscious,
in the desert, alone, I found company,
in the desert, weak, I stayed strong enough to keep living,
in the desert I remained steady to keep on moving.

The dry branches that never came to be
are the flourishing of everything that was possible.
Otherwise I would be someone else.
Apr 2018 · 114
The hope
Deep inside I had this hope
That I could bear us, and
The unforgiven would be just a bad memory.

I had this hope
That yesterday's problems wouldn't resist
The cruel test of time.

I had this hope
That our new found love
Was born differently.

I had this hope
That I would resist strongly,
That I would fight for my sanity,
And warm, calm waters
Would occupy all the trenches.

Hope is just hope,
With no past, present or future.
Hope is a wanderer,
A promiser,
A guest never to arrive,
A cure for other's disease,
An oasis one mile away of him who died of thirsty,
The imminent accident of which we'll all die someday,
And all we can do is live to wait.

We live for concepts
From which we take nothing in the end.
Apr 2018 · 260
The trap
Almost thirty years I've passed
The same old Memoir Street,
With houses to be built,
Lamps to be installed
(with lights fading, and ghostly shadows),
And its 37 crossings, unknown.

Dead ended possible streets that I know not
Its unlocked doors,
hidden and tricky passages,
Non-measuring eyes,
Windows with children watching horror movies at midnight
(softer than real life).

Wastelands in surroundings,
Grids and bricks always limiting,
Dead ends of dead ends of dead ends,
Like thoughts trapped in logic,
Like heartbeats tied in the frequencies of a forgotten song.

My body, trapped in my mind,
Trapped in my culture,
Trapped in my biology,
Trapped in my reactions,
Is, still, mine.
Everything and nothing I own.

Any other way is just a hypothesis.
Apr 2018 · 107
The in-betweens
Full,
I am in most ways:
Loved, lived, livid.

Empty,
Spaces grow
When I pass:
Weeks, days, lengths,
Lands, roads, feelings.

I'm a point in nowhere
Incalculable in speed, in size
And dimensions,
Half here, half there,
Not mine nor others',
Just a vague matter
In a strange strange
Full-empty world.
Apr 2018 · 302
The surprise
The cure and the disease
Stand on opposite sides,
But like Napoleon and Wellington,
Are just standpoints.

We ****
Our parasites,
We **** our brains
(Sometimes they are the disease)
We study, we analyze,
We figure and conquer,
But the only true way
To cure ourselves
Is by chance:
Just by surprise.
Mar 2018 · 83
The company
I've searched endlessly
Inside myself
Only to find
In you
What I needed
For my own company
To be enough.
Mar 2018 · 117
The baits
What are we but fishes?
We are baits,
We bite what we are
In the quest to seize
The little life
Tied to what
Wants us bones
Mar 2018 · 138
The things we lose
Every tiny fraction
of movement and action
cannot be re-done.

Lost attention
is a lost moment,
forever a lost sight,
forever vanished
in the irresistibility of time.

Things we lose
are things we never ought to own,
are Destiny's belongings,
are other's gestures
never to be received by us,
connections hanging in thin air,
never to be captured.

Awareness is a warm gun.
Mar 2018 · 113
The cloudy sky
Today's gray heaven
hides a bright sky
above the clouds.

Heaven, the Earth's limit,
seems closer today,
in a homogeneous,
tedious gray.

Distant buildings,
somewhat tall buildings,
seem like a printed landscape,
almost as gray
as the gray cloudy sky.

I can hear fading airplane sounds
hidden in the vast grayness,
and I can hear pigeons
competing against cars,
singing joyfully,
ignoring (so I imagine)
the lack of color above all.

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes.
Still not warm,
still not bright,
but there are definitely
light beams bravely leaking
through deep, depressing clouds.
Mar 2018 · 107
The definition
All I can offer is my boredom;
Everything else is already taken.
All my truths and myths,
What would be left
If I gave them away?

Piece by piece
My incompletude defines me.
My senses are left untouched,
My wounds, unhealed,
My thoughts, preserved
In an obscure way.

I give myself away,
And the more I give
The more I see,
The more I am.

When I'm lost
Nothing matters,
Just then can I discover myself.
Nothing more
Than a pool of desires,
Drowning,
Lifting,
Joking desires.
Mar 2018 · 97
The story
From the clay
In between Araguaia and Tocantins
(The last, which I've bathed)
I was made.
But Guarapiranga, Billings, Tietê and Pinheiros
Settled me.

Here my story was tailored,
Here life showed the rush,
The vibrancy, the flourishing.
Life was made important by the second,
By intensity, by chances.

All we got left
Are our stories,
We are our main characters,
The storyteller,
The author, the god.

We tell, we do, we fight.
We hurt, we cry, we learn.

Yet, a beautiful story
Is meant to be
just an old story.

There are no snowy winters
Here in São Paulo.
Mar 2018 · 127
The sail
The moon is bigger on the dark side,
But I'm moved by the waves of the bright side.
I hide, but I always know
What is it the I hide,
So what's the point?

Inside my missing spaces
I find my own pieces,
In what empty space I fill me,
If I'm defined by my emptiness?

How do I define me with words
Hollow as a flight in space,
Precise and distant definitions,
Incapable of adjusting to a vague chaos,
Only understandable by the light of a microscope,
Unaccessible to signs,
Dissonant of what I feel,
Of a laughable ungrace?

I run from what defines me,
From my sentimental proofs,
I locate myself in what takes me far from home.

I'm uncapable of recognizing me
For I look in the mirror, and I recognize myself:
I know I never had blue eyes,
I know how my hair was, and how it's not anymore,
I know healed wounds hurt more.

I've lived for 500.000 kilometers
Never counted the travels around my world,
But I keep going,
Map and territory,
Language and message,
Thoughts and actions,
Sailing through matter and frequency
Through the ocean that keeps me apart from the world.
Mar 2018 · 235
The loss
I wanted to fly
but the air is light
and my grief, leaden.

A weird dance moved me,
swinging rhythmically
joy and struggles,
laughs and bites,
fear, passion,
insecurity, belonging.

Now, the sun is just the sun.
Colors are just an escapism of gray tones.

Wherever I am, I am,
and it does not matter.
After ages wandering
I cannot find
my old address anymore.

A lost house,
a lost feeling,
a lost thought,
a lost key,
a lost map,
a lost language,
a lost song,
vanished throughout the air,
only to find
myself surrounded
by a complete emptiness.
Mar 2018 · 190
The spiral
I am no more
than the sum of matter,
mildly organized thoughts
and an ambiguous willing
to contrast and to blend.

I spire down only to find
that what I've been running from
is growing in front of me.

Is the run my true fuel,
is the endless search my Stockholm jailer?

The more I cope,
the more I run,
the more I fight.

There is nothing new inside of me,
just an absurd,
an eternal stone lifter
who keeps running from faith
faster and faster.

I have no such long memory
to tell if it is a circle,
a straight line,
or just a random circuit.

All I have to do
is keep running.
Mar 2018 · 159
The run
You've just missed
the starting gun,
and you missed again.

It is not the noise that escaped you,
it is not the muscles that failed,
it is not your brain who mislead.

Feel the track, the traction,
feel the wind slowly growing with speed,
listen your own, intense, heartbeats.
Feel your empty lungs, tired.

Fatigue, pain,
all you will feel.
Compete: lose and win.
Believe the race,
believe the run,
and they exist.
Mar 2018 · 92
The freedom
You are not free
For anything given to you.
Freedom is conquered
Through self violence,
Though greedy battles of this.
Freedom is earned for the voices spoken.
Freedom is screamed
Or it is just a fading breath.

Deny yourself
Deny the effortless routines,
Deny chance and deny steadyness.

Freedom is on the other side of truths.
Mar 2018 · 129
The self
Let the senses expand
Your sense of the world,
Imprison reason,
Understand and accept treason,
Mock your intelligence,
Your abilities.

Rip off your arms,
What's left?
Rip off your legs,
What's left?
Rip off your eyes, ears, mouth,
What's left?
Rip off your judgment,
And what's left?
Rip off your pain.
Nothing is left.

There is a you
Who thinks of you
Who thinks of you
Who thinks of you,
Or there's no one
Who thinks of you?

A dead river flows memories
But no water,
Flows past,
But not present,
Reveal it's wounds,
But completely numb.
Everything, except water, is left.

In madness we're born;
Only madness can quench.
Mar 2018 · 97
The expectation
Roll a stone up
roll and roll,
the mountain top
is still out of reach.

Roll a dice,
I know what it will be.
A six, and I'm out of reach.

Tell me your life,
hand me your fears,
I'll reveal your secrets,
and I'll lose interest.

Distance keeps me burning,
I live on the corners
looking for leftovers of lives,
looking for hidden spots,
unknown thoughts,
unspoken chances,
unseen shades of light.

I live today for a tomorrow
I cannot foresee.
Mar 2018 · 116
The fragments
We are fragments
who do not fit in a whole world.
If we say we know,
we lie.
If we know we lie,
we are true.
If we know the truth,
we are mistaken.
In mistakes we know.

The faults reveal the existence.
What we write
exposes everything not written.
Our creations show our limitations .

My words are the boundaries
of communication,
the fragmentation of a message,
for we are unable to read the whole.

My house is the demolition
of a ****** space,
of a space unbuilt,
the containment of the wind,
the separation of light,
a splinter of a world.

Everything is happening
Causes cause effect to be cause,
endlessly.
Mar 2018 · 276
The ugliest face of death
Death show its ugliest face
to those who suffer across generations,
continents  and ships in the oceans;
to those who chose freely who to like,
to lay, to sleep, to live by;
to those who stood against
the ugliest face of death.

Some face it daily,
others will never know about it.
Some lie between
the ugliest face of death
and the ugliest mask of life;
some ride in gravy trains,
enjoy grapes and wines,
pulling long distance triggers
pointing at miserables.

Today, the ugly phantom of death
haunts poor, black, gay, women,
but it slowly leaks
through the cracks of well written
and yet shallow ideologies,
creating a new kind of brain police,
of modern uniformed zombies
that run castles and emperors
held by the backs of millions of Atlas
with weakening knees,
and exposed fleshes by whips
of indifference, of forgetfulness,
of inconsideration, of marginalization,
of slave ships that run on wheels,
of master captains never emancipated.

Those who never saw
the smiley face of a nurturing State,
who never saw Justice balance out
pain, misery, agony or fear,
who never saw the compassion,
the kindness or at least a look in the eye
of a compassionate and kind People,
those are the ones who see
The Ugliest Face of Death.

The returning phantom of a dictatorship
is revealed by a heinous political crime,
and Death, awaken from his sleep beauty,
rejoice for the victory of violence.

A poet once wrote
"Knowledge is a deadly sin
when no one sets the rules",
but the truer message followed the utter:
"the faith of all mankind
is in the hands of fools".
Mar 2018 · 758
The storyteller
Above god, the storyteller.
Standing before a white sheet of paper,
on the edge of the creation
of characters and worlds.

He masters destinies and faiths,
reconfigure, deforms his own built up reality,
tells what to think and what to make,
even against his own will.

Escapes logic, escapes a singular mind,
fragmented into others' reason,
collecting pieces of shattered own psyche,
exposing best and worst versions of himself.

The storyteller now stands
incapable of creating
having exhausted his own experiences
and all of its variations.
Writing (living) to him is no longer worthy
for creations now rely on a vivid reality.

He sees himself on the margin of creation
living the absurd of a fast imagination
in a slow concrete world.

As he starts typing again
the images of his hands start to fade
****** up to his own imaginary world
losing his matter, contained only in his ideas
where wander is prompt, boundless and free.

He was found three days later,
missing breath and heartbeats.
Free.
Mar 2018 · 136
The view
Here where I stand
I see the sublime view
of these snowy mountains,
solid, titanic, beautiful, sublime,
delicately megalomaniac.

I never saw
those who were doomed
by the cold and hunger.

I never saw
the agony of those
lonely lost in its trails,
incapable of finding a way back.

I never saw
the anxiety in the faces
of soldiers of Hannibal
with their elephant armies
crossing narrow passages
on their way to death and glory.

I never saw
the little mountain houses
where thoughts slow down,
worries are left behind
and the whole future
is just 10 seconds ahead.

I never saw
the fear of ancient men
hiding in its caves,
painting to preserve memories,
with no legacy to leave
but a hunt for the next day.

From here,
I just see the shallowness
of a miraculously wonderful
view.
Mar 2018 · 338
The void
Sometimes there is nothing left.
We rise and we conquer with greedy battles,
we attach fertile soils and rich people,
subdue them for our purposes,
and, at times, nothing lefts.

Nothing lefts from an yore green land,
nothing lefts of invincible armies,
nothing lefts of obsolete weapons
that became incapable of protecting us,
nothing lefts to win or to lose.

We learn, we grow, we teach,
and yet, sometimes, little remains
of love,
of trust,
of loyalty,
of confidence.

We lose ourselves in the void
that surrounds our thoughts,
that hollow **** we built around us
so we don't mistake ourselves with the world,
but we are the bridges and the roads,
we are the messengers,
we are the kings and queens,
we are the workers and fighters,
we are the knights.

We ride into a void
as immense as we want it to be.
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