A guy who
only cares when
he's inside

When will you learn
to stop opening the door
for people like
that?

Home is where the sand meets the water meets the waves meets the crashing
Home is where I tuck toes into sun-caressed ground that sinks into memory
Home is where the weather is salted and the air blue and hands always warmth
Home is where the ocean bellows a welcome with open arms, cold, tempting
Home is where an excited skipping inhabits the eager legs of a dog too human
Home is the crow's calling for tomorrow
Home is where the voices whisper soft in alleyways outside windows at 3 a.m.
Home is holding a glass of Santa Margarita in front of a graceful fireplace
Home is a ripe avocado waiting to be pitted
Home is my bed full of past unwanted and future anticipated
Home is the bittersweet taste in the mouth
Home is a single cigarette burning to mourn loss unknown
Home is where the glow of a quiet street befriends city lights
Home is his laugh echoing through the silence of the night
Home is my smile growing with the wind's howl
Home is where this body misses another
Home is where I touch you and remember why I'm here
Home is I'm coming back,
Home is I'm counting down the days
until I am

A messy heart of clutter and loose change and lone socks,
I am a ceremony of disappearing objects.

do not answer.
bite your tongue to keep the want in.
swallow your desperation with a glass of saltwater.
when it burns your mouth, don't cry out.
rinse with soap.


don't pick up.

I could be heartless
I could reply with who is this
And some part of you would shatter
knowing that I have attempted to remove you from my life but
the truth is you are still on my phone as much as you are on my mind
There, but not given much attention
Sure, you exist, but only quietly

I think of you sometimes like when my toes are touching sand or
when I have a glass of maker's mark in hand or
when I hear your name in someone else’s mouth
But to be completely honest
I am not broken over this

So your hello comes a few months too late and mine from a few months before has been left without response
I could say hey I miss you too but
that would be considered a lie
Maybe I do now and then but mostly
I only miss you when there is nothing else to miss

Like a vague memory of something that used to sit in the corner of my room
I know it was there but I don't remember much else about its presence
I don't know what to say after it’s been almost a year
I waited for you, too long but
I am not broken over this
Summer has passed and another is coming,
Maybe I will find another you in the next

When you send me a text five months too late I will not be heartless
I will say hello like time hasn’t added pressure on the ache, like
maybe I could still love you the way I did yesterday and
some part of you would be whole knowing a part of me is living in the past,
where we are alive together

I feel your warmth next to me like summer rain
falling carelessly on our open palms in July,
not wanting the momentary coolness
to end but consciously aware
that everything does
eventually.

We played house quite nicely
The two of us in yours, pretending
it was ours

We acted out our definitions of home,
what we learned it meant growing up,
you without a mother or
father, me with both and too much love
I tried to imitate their arguments,
reckless yelling without purpose and
you, the quiet child in the corner didn’t
know how to fight back

I sat atop the kitchen counter and
you fed me bread and lies but
mostly lies
I took them with ease and
swallowed willingly,
smiling like they do in sitcoms
happy, always

We played house
taking care of this one like we knew how to
when really all we knew was how to
love carelessly
**** occasionally and
walk the dog

You the husband, I the mistress
this was our home, unconventional but
intact
it was fun being lover but
only for so long

The key to playing house
is to never mention the future
everything is pretend and
there is no talk of forever or later and
all that really matters is right now

This is what we did
and oh, were we good at it

We played house quite nicely, or at least
until the roof caved in and
the walls cracked and
the floor sank
we then looked at the wreckage and
sighed

What a silly game for us to have played
But oh, we were good at it.