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Danielle Shorr Jul 2014
It is 1am
And I am a combination
Of alcohol and thoughts
Too many words and heavy eyelids
I stand at bar
With drink in loose hands
As some attempt conversation
And I
Smile quietly
With vacant eyes
Because there are plenty of people
In this room
That could fill this empty capacity
Put end
To this gap of desolation expanding inside of me
There are plenty
Who I could find momentary comfort in
Possibly even more
But I
Am too blocked off
To call myself open
Too shut down
To even listen to small talk
Or friendly dialogue
The truth is
I am too hung up
On distance
And romance that is more than likely
To never work out
To be able to make the effort
To love someone other than taken
I am so good
At setting my heart on situations
That have been set long before my prescence
I am skilled
At attempting to love person already satisfied
I will never be neccesity
Only drunken shell of girl
Searching through a sea of bodies
For someone who is not there
For someone who will probably never be there
This routine
Of bourbon and late nights
Of strangers and recurrent introductions
Will continue with frequency
But I
Will remain
Unfulfilled
It is 1am
And I am
Still hoping for something
That is perpetually
Unattainable.
Danielle Shorr Jul 2014
I do not need a higher power
To know
That I
Am meant to be here
I may never understand
Just why
But I
Am perfectly happy
Not knowing
Perfectly okay with the possibility
That I
May never know.
Danielle Shorr Jul 2014
I wonder
How it is possible
That I am able
To miss something
So terribly
That I
Have never had
That
Has never
Been mine.
Danielle Shorr Jul 2014
You are a kind of comfort
I want to wrap myself in
A type of warmth
That I have never quite known
It is christmas in your arms
There are street lights in my stomach
And I am dancing on pavement
Dimly lit yet glowing
I have never been
So content with feeling small
But I want to be folded into the pocket
Of your favorite winter jacket
And found when shuffling hands search for memory
Admist chilly air and temperature
I know
That California
Does not know cold as well as I do
But if it did
I'm sure
Would want to be under your shelter
I'm certain
If California
Knew you
It would envy
Your warmth.
Danielle Shorr Jul 2014
My fear of heights
Often overpowers my fear of isolation
So I fall
Closed eyes and full optimism
Open arms and empty handed
I jump
Before I even can see the ground
Sometimes
I don't even take precaution
Deploy parachute far too late
And leave no time for regret
I have always said
That I would rather dive deep end
And hit bottom
Than stay shallow
Would rather crack my limbs against pavement
Than stay entire on grass
I want to learn how to bleed
I want to learn how to break
Just so I can figure out
How to put myself back together
I am willing to shatter clumsily
Split carelessly
Just to know grace
So I will fall
Regardless if this ends in canopy
Or in bungee chord tied noose
Will give all of me
Even if I get nothing in return
Will wring myself vacant
Just so that someone else can be gorged
I have been climbing mountains
With the sole intention of looking up
I say
I am closer to the sky that way
And if I fall
It will be
With complacency
It will be
By choice.
Danielle Shorr Jul 2014
It is time
To stop falling for people
Who don't have enough of their own
To catch you.
Danielle Shorr Jul 2014
Something about his words
And the way they seep into my skin
Makes me feel at home
Something about the thought of future
Of blind promise
Comforts me
Keeps me close at night
Almost lets me forget
That someone else
Has his heart
That it is not some vacant capacity I get to move in to
I am not the only one
Who swirls his image in daydream
Wanting to taste him
Honey on my tongue
Both bitter and sweet at once
Wanting nothing more
Than to drown in eyes and whiskey
Fall quiet to tranquil arms
And ocean wave nights
Wanting
To know love
That isn't synonymous
With interference
My imagination
Works so well
That I almost forget
I am not the only star in his galaxy
That there is no gaurantee
Of becoming sun
More likely
To be supernova burnt out
Turned dust
Unlikely to be remembered
I set my hopes
Much higher than I can reach
Forget about my fear of heights
Dive directly into open hands
I cannot be sure of certainty in another
And most times
I feel more like a waiting problem
Than something to be desired
Feel more late night paramour
Than planned ambition
I have worn the name
Other woman
Too many times
Have it sewn on black lace bra
Branded on porcelain pale skin
Am only young girl marked temptress
I will never believe
That anybody could want this permanently
When all I have ever been is second place passed down
All I have ever been is sideline
Something to come back to
When the rest has died out
I tell him
That I want to be his only
That I could be
Everything he wants me to be
He tells me
I already am
But that there is settling in situations to be done
I tell him
I understand
When really I don't
Know too well that there is not enough room in a heart
For two to fit comfortably
I tell him
Okay
That I will be here waiting patiently
Hanging on
To his words
Until they mold
Into something
That can love me back
Until they morph
Into something
Tangible.
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