They say it's a choice:
A choice to love.
A choice to let go.
There is no fate or destiny impacting love,
It is solely
Choice.
I made a choice:
To love.
Love you with everything I had.
Through the roughest times in your life,
And through mine.
To love you when I had nothing but hatred for the world around us.
To love you when all I wanted to do was walk away.
To love you when you couldn't love yourself.
I made this choice, and I made it for months.
But there came a month where I chose to let go.
I chose to allow someone else the opportunity to love you.
More than I did and
Better.
I did not choose to stop loving you, that is something one can not do; yet I chose to set you free
From the burden you carried because of me.
I chose to love you from afar,
And that may be the worst choice of all.

We say
"if it's meant to be it will be"
and
"if you love something set it free and if it comes back it's yours",
But these are not the case.
These are deceptions we plant in our brains to allow ourselves a sliver of hope;
To allow ourselves a fall back when we realize we ruined the best thing we ever had.
Though,
It is not true.
If something is meant to be yours and you had it,
It should remain yours.
You should fight,
With all your being and every ounce in your body.
If you did not believe it to be worth a fight,
It was not meant to be.
The only thing you have now lost
Is an object that led you astray and away from your
True happiness.

They say "you never know what you had until it's gone".
They're right.
Today things ended,
Maybe for good.
all I can think is: "I'm going to regret this".
"i shouldn't have".
But that won't bring you back.
I told you I was done and I thought meant it.
I was wrong.
Without you I'm
Distraught.
Depressed.
Distant.
Slowly sinking back into my
Old ways.
Back to my secluded hole,
to my shadow.
I pray this isn't
Forever.
Without you they'll come back,
The shadows.
I don't know if I can deal with them
Alone.
-d.n.