I am not a monster. I am not a monster.
I search the city at night,
Cursed with a wicked obsession.
An ungodly addiction, an unwelcome affliction.
Where have my morals gone?
Or was I just born without them?
If I can't remember them, did they ever exist?
Is it my fault I'm a beast that isn't easily pleased?
To the swallower of anger, I am a masked marauder,
To those unknowing of fear, I am a plague they cannot bear.
One stare, so reckless, ready and content.
They vow to put me and my existence to an end.
I'm shuffled, I'm lost, they simply cannot understand.
Not a day passes where I contemplate if I'm nothing but a flaw.
God makes no mistakes, either inaccurate or nonexistent.
My desires, even bringing me to my knees,
So tired, yet so livid. What a large temptation,
The things we have in this world.
Drugs, money, power, fame, success.
Yet, not exactly fitting to the animal that I am.
The animal I've been, or the animal I've become?
No one cares, why even bother.
I'm a monster. I'm only a monster.

Every day, finding beauty in the usually non-beautiful.
Every day, setting out to be a better person than the day before.
Fighting my way to the top from the ground floor,
Dealing with the never ending urge to want more.
I've told myself so many times, so so many times,
The best part has yet to come, but still,
I live happily in the past, just as if,
The best has already came and went.
And I'm just trying to replicate it.
But hearts get worse, minds get better.
Minds grow colder and hearts grow darker.
Our emotions are like a rollercoaster,
They always take a plunge during the ascent.
We sometimes mistake that for weakness.
Oh, how foolish we can be at times.
Oh no, how the mighty mock the weak, etc, etc.
Sometimes, I find myself subconsciously vise-gripping the handle to the last door that made me feel something real when I walked through it.
It's okay; let it be, I'll let go when I'm ready.

If I asked you for direction,
Would you tell me where to go?
If I made my own decision,
Would you leave my on my own?
If I escaped from this prison,
The one that's in my mind,
Would my feet bring me far enough,
To reach you in time?
I've lost the ability to distinguish,
All the wrong from all the right.
I constantly wonder if every night,
Will be our last goodbye.
I harbor thoughts of you inside,
I can never make them leave.
The more I fail, the more I try,
But you've built a home inside me.
I'm desperate, I'm begging,
Please give me my life back.
I'm lying, I'm deceiving,
You're what's keeping me intact.
I need you from our past,
And I need you for our future,
I need you to **** these demons,
That vow to torture me forever.
My efforts have been in vain,
To make you leave indefinitely,
So I'll now accept my fate,
And wait to fulfill my destiny.

This world is going to burn,
But not the way you envisioned.
Just know that when your cities fall,
That this was your decision.
Asking for forgiveness isn't what it was,
No matter how hard you try,
You will never regain their trust.
Tell me apologies are a must,
When all you ever do is curse them.
And drag them through the dirt,
Like the way you dragged them down.
Burning has no sound,
When no one's around to hear it.
The pain must be searing,
The passing on endearing.
When you're gone, they'll have no words.
No emptiness inside.
Not a nickel for all the times,
You made one of them cry.
Nowhere left to run, nowhere left to hide,
There are no more words,
No emptiness inside.

Chasing you has never been my forte.
I never thought this was supposed to be difficult.
I’d let the storm pass while you were in the middle of it,
Then stick around to pick up the wreckage.
Piece by piece, your world falls apart,
And crumbles to dust, interpretation of us.
Confusion floods your mind, and the signs were invisible,
You thought you were looking for darkness,
And missed the trickle of sunlight.
We weren't willing and able,
We weren't some charming fable,
We weren't the contents of a mystery box,
You could just throw onto the table.
Your weapon of choice, your overpowering voice,
Was never as loud as you thought.
The suffocating light, the earth-shattering cry,
The setting that ruined the plot.
You stumbled upon the rise of the dawn,
On your descent to find your answer,
But when the answer is as deep as the question,
It was hidden in plain sight all along.

I awoke from sleeping a thousand years,
So you could tell me to go back to sleep.
I made it from walking a thousand miles,
So you could tell me to go back home.
I thought my home was in your heart,
But it's never been farther apart,
The fire in your eyes has faded,
And now I'm all alone.

You knew me better than I did myself,
But I'm not that person anymore.
When your fire died, so did I,
And now the sidewalk that never ends,
Will be the one I'll lead to my demise,
Because that's where I believe I'll find you.

The path of destruction is one I know all too well,
But I won't make it to the end to see it,
Because all wounds heal, and with our pain, we make a deal.
And it was all a lie, when I said I'd never again be able to feel.
This won't be a night to forget, and no night after this one will either.

I'm okay. I mean, I will be. I'm not quite there yet.
This is my chance, to not be a person I hate.
I will let it get the best of me.
The fire will return and stay for good,
Like I never wanted it to.
But it's mine now, and I won't let it burn out.