Sometimes it just hits you
Like a wave crashing down on a beach
Wearing away at the rocks until suddenly
It collapses into the water
That's what it was like

You say you like it better this way
You say it was a choice
And you made it
Willingly denying the fact it wasn't a choice
But a punishment you were saddled with

You look back on the old days
Back when things were different
And you manage to convince yourself you are better off now
But you aren't
You are much, much worse

Every day is more of the same
You're just trapped alone with your thoughts
Nobody to talk to
Nobody who cares
And you say you like it

But we both know you hate it
We know you are the loneliest man around
With a desire to feel wanted again
To be loved
But you say yo don't and so life goes on

chain smoking on the balcony with a Buddhist monk
not sure how i got here or where he is from
he talks about honesty and compassion and faith
and the girl that he married, that incredible earthquake
he looks at me and asks where i want to go
i tell him to tomorrow, and after that who knows
with a sigh and a smile he ashes and says
you keep living for tomorrow and eventually you're dead

Dripping, from an open wound
Wounds, that they would say are self inflicted
But we all know it was because of them
They who would not listen, and could not understand
Who made you feel worthless, like a mistake

Wishing I was dead, just to make them happy
For, if every time I speak I worsen my situation
The Silence death brings would surely please them
Cut off from the world, with only my thoughts
This makes perfect sense, to take my own life

Yet my heart, he refuses to stop beating
No matter how many times I try, my brain will not cease to function
In this I am a failure, as in all other things
Yet if you knew, this time you would be glad I failed
But I can not tell you, for you don't understand

The words are inside
Struggling to come out

That's just a metaphor
For what this poem's about

So keep marching little soldier
Because those old men's time has come

Gay, straight, who gives a ****?
Find your joy, go get some

Short life
Long days
***** downed
Hazy days
Lost friends
Found pain
Shots fired
Blood drained

It is in our blood
This world of passion
Lust, pain, love
Mind always in action
We are born this way
It is what makes us human
So hold your head high little soldier
And keep doing what you are doing

i'm gonna call my grandma more
pet stranger's dogs
i'm gonna be more confident
and conquer some old fears
write every day
and learn how to cook

i'm gonna talk to new people
try to kick *** in school
i'm gonna paint something silly
and read more
maybe find some new purpose
and finally get over you

Because even though we said forever
It feels impossible to be loved
By a woman 6 ft under

Empty promises and carefree living
Hazy nights and forgettable days
Chasing pleasure wherever it can be found
Never remembering those who once stood besides you
Bitterness is poison, a slow killer slinking in
But I can't help but feel as if you abandoned me
The first chance you got, without second thought
You'll never find someone else like this

Its just past midnight
And the scent of you lingers
Caught in my hair
And my chest, where you laid your head
Smelling of lavender
Pure beauty
And as  I light my last cigarette
I look up towards the heavens
And ask why in the world
You couldn't be mine

dark hair dark eyes
pale skin, red lipstick
cast a spell upon me
slave to desire, victim of passion
i am yours to command
for at first glance you had my body
and at second you had my soul

one can't begin to imagine
the haunted feeling i had
when you said no, turned
walked away
never giving me a chance
giving us a chance
leaving the opportunity of a lifetime on the table

nothing beats the pain
that a missed opportunity leaves
because you will never know
if maybe, things would've been glorious
a perfect ending
to the perfect beginning
but one can never find out

Kurt Cobain said
It is better to burn out then fade away
And that really stuck with me
Because its hard to make an impact in a world
Where we are taught everyone is special
Which of course means tat none of us are
A world where freedom
Means dropping 200 grand on a college
And working 9-5 for the next 45 years
Its really hard to make an impact
In an era where everyone thinks they are an artist, a poet, a star
Carving a niche out for yourself?
Well that's **** near impossible
I think Kurt was right
It is better to go out with a bang
But it is pretty **** hard

Hot, boiling anger
Lava flowing through my veins
Red, deep and brilliant before my eyes
Spots of black obstructing my vision

Only love can cause so much hate'
Only joy, can bring so much pain
God invites Satan to dinner
And my happiness is the feast

My bubble is collapsing
My mind,  it is in tatters
All I can say is
Ha.Ha.

You grabbed me by the arm
Pulled me down to the bed
Pressing your lips fiercely against mind
Blocking any words from escaping
You had no desire to know
Any whom had been you before

Your head rests on my chest
Curled up against me
The perfect kind of warmth
I ask you for a name
You let out a laugh
And said I needn't worry about that

We fall asleep in each other's arms
Peace at last
The perfect end to a wild night
And when I awake, you are gone
Nothing remains but the scratches on my back
And the haunting smell of roses, lingering in my bed

In the mirror I glimpsed
Scars upon my skin and
They serve as a painful reminder that
You will never love me again

Labored breaths
Forced out of your
Collapsed chest
Caught in the land
Between life or death
Spending every moment
Fearing that nothing comes next

Drops of blood
Splatter the clean white tile
A monument to your death
That won't last a while
This day will be forgotten
Stricken from the archives
Of a world, that does not care

Darling, the end has come
I must depart into the sunset
Leaving you forever
In search of heaven or hell
Where ever God deems a soul like me worthy of living

Understand that I did the best I could
I fought this war for years
There is nothing left for me to give
So when you stumble upon a hanging boy
Try to understand, it is a blessing to me
An escape from the torments of the world

Tick, tock
Tick, tock, tick, tock
Time marches forward
An unstoppable force
And what, may I ask, are you doing?
Why is it, that we simply **** time'
When we all know, that killing time kills you
And we live, for nothing
No higher purpose, no reason
We live, simply so that the next day is better
And then the next day after that
Until there are no more days left
And you have died, for nothing

Trapped inside a life
I can find no escape
Consumed with misery and self loathing
Lacking beauty and love and inspiration
Cornered into a little world of sadness
Lonely beyond belief
Isolated to the max
This is the anthem of the poet
As he writes his last

I remember sitting in some basement at 10:58 on a random summer night
I remember how the movie we watched wasn't very scary
I remember we both pretended it was so we had an excuse to cuddle together
I remember long nights dreaming about you and I together
I remember how seconds felt like hours staring into your eyes
I remember standing together at one in the morning
I remember how the car broke down, and we were both oh so chilly
I remember the feel of your breath on my neck as we stood together
I remember explaining the next day how we were just friends
I remember a time before all I could think was I love you
I remember being scared you wouldn't feel the same way
I remember waking up next to you
I remember wishing we were old enough to wake up together every day
I remember long looks, quick smiles, bad jokes, sweaty hands
I remember shared drinks, borrowed clothes, tight hugs, your laugh
I forget when it was exactly that I fell in love with you
But I know that ever since, nothing was the same

Slow it down.
Rushing from place to place, a whirlwind of motion
Energy wasted on meaningless tasks
And for what?
Slow it down.
Stop sometimes to appreciate the beauty
Found in all things present
See the lake, frozen now
Covered in snow, a pure canvas
Hear the children playing
Laughing, joking, bickering
Where did it all go wrong?
When was it decided that to be an adult
One must constantly work
Stress driving everyone crazy
From the moment you walk through those high school doors
Til the day you die, fading into nothing
Always in a hurry
Rushing towards your death
And for what?
Slow it down.
Life is a celebration
So scream joy from the roofs
Find peace in old books
And never let your happiness perish

what's the point of good news if you have no one to share it with
what's the point of bad news if you have no one to bear it with
Zeus split us up eons ago when he saw our power
i just want you to come home

Its Christmas time now
And you're gone
And I'm lonely
And I think back to last year
And the time we spent together
The love we had
And I feel a hollow emptiness in my chest
Thinking of the love so passionate
Now dead forever

Its better this way
I know that
but I can't help but dream of finding someone like you
Someone to hold me and help me through the rough times
And to laugh and make fun of drunks at a party
Kissing me as the ball drops
Walking you home, hand in hand

This time last year I was a wreck
But I had you, and it was enough
Now, I am still a wreck
And I don't have you
But I will find better
Someone who deserves my love
And who can love me

Everything is so fragile
Stare at the water, look yourself in the eyes
One pebble can upset the whole surface
It takes ages for things to become right
Regret is black coffee in the morning
And two packs of cigarettes each day
Not caring for tomorrow
Nothing is promised anyways

Friendship shouldn't feel like a one way street
You shouldn't love someone only when you're in need
People aren't tools you can use to just solve a problem
And throw back into the shed until you need them again

Stylistically stagnant  
Repetitive lines
Heavy ****
Hollow minds

Broken hearts
Hard times
Growing up
Never fine

****** Wrists
Empty bottles
Night stand
Open Bibles

Pray hard
No answer
**** religion
God's cancer

Born alone
Die alone
Heaven calls
Coming home

I'm not ready for this
I know that's selfish of me
Yet I can't help how I feel
I thought I had more time
To brace myself
But the months suddenly became days
With one phone call, my entire perspective changed

Its almost Christmas
But you won't be here
You'll be away
In danger, making us proud
But leaving me in fear every second of the day
This is what you love to do
And I respect that more than you can imagine
But still, I am not ready

I  don't know how I will get through this
Despite our differences, you mean the world to me
Just please stay safe
Come home to me
Please Dad

**** man, life changes fast
Look back 6 months, and what did I have?
Mid August, hot as hell
In love with a girl, and I couldn't tell
That my life was soon to be on a collision course with death
Wasting away until my last breath
Driving around then, laughing all day
Home at night now, carving away
Living two lives, all at the same time
Wake up in the morning, slap on a mask
Its winter now, and nobody asks
How I've been
Hey Dan, do you need a friend?
Well, I suppose they do
But not in the way I can give a real answer to you
Because I feel like a drag weighing down on your fun
Since I'd give anything to stare down the barrel of a gun
With a little click I could fade into the night
And say goodbye to this torture that we call life

Every time I see your face
I get a sinking feeling in my chest
That awkward combination of love and sadness that dominates my emotions
Hits me like a train
And I sit here dreaming
Dreaming of a time, and a place
That do not exist
Have not existed
And shall never come to pass
A place where somehow
You fell for me too
A time when somehow
I am happy
But it is all a fantasy
And then reality came home

Love is in the air tonight
Can you feel it in your lungs?
Burning hotter than some smoke would feel
When you've found the one
The one that completes you
Call her your better half
For when we are born it is incomplete
Until you win her back
Because you lost her in the time before time
Where chaos reigned over all
And you are born to find her before you return
To death, because that's where we belong
Before birth and after life, death is our home
And we live to find the one
That would make that home our own

time moves so
slow, when i'm with you and
i can imagine, in the chaos of my mind
a future, of you and i
together
forever living in love and bliss
waking up every morning just to give you a kiss
falling further and further in love and i know
you are my soul mate,my everything
my world

These religious fanatics just don't seem to get it
They claim to love His teachings
But they just don't practice
Saying God hates ****
And that they all go to hell
Well if they read the ******* bible
I wouldn't need to tell
That what they say is wrong
And contradicts the teacher
John 3:16, whosoever believes
In Christ and his love
Shall never ever perish
But live on forever, in the kingdom of heaven
So when you tell me I'm a sinner
For the man that I love
I'll throw up this *******
And give him a hug
Because until you learn the error of your ways
You're judgement ain't worth ****
God loves me
I love God
Just ******* deal with it

its when you fall asleep at 4 in the morning
knowing full well you have to wake up at 7
its 6 cups of coffee and a pack of smokes
anything to get you through the day

its stumbling into work 10 minutes late
hoping to God that nobody asks you why
its shedding weight because you can't eat anymore
and self-deprecating jokes about your raccoon eyes

its when your posted up at the bar
with no clue what the time is
its that sinking feeling in your stomach when you think
the bartender knows you better than your own friends

its trying to move on
but not believing you can
its wishing she still loved you
and that you could find peace again

A crack of thunder
The clouds roll through
And inevitably, my mind drift backs to you
The days spent dancing in the pouring rain
The small half smile of one who feels no pain

Around and around, twirling we go
Our hands interwoven as we dance
To the music of our hearts
Beating rapidly in ecstacy
For that is what life can be when you find true love

I lean in to kiss you
As I tremble with anticipation
Of the magic, the beauty
Such a lovely sensation
Found only in the arms of she whom i love

He left a message
Hastily scrawled in his blood
"Do not mourn my death"

She says she doesn't know the new me
But hell, I didn't know I changed
She says I'm cold now, distant
But I thought she wanted space
She says she misses the old days
But I swear she was always sad
She says she hates the new me
But I'm just trying to be what she says she want's

She says she is on to the next one
But I thought she claimed my love forever
She says its not her, its me
But I recollect living it a bit differently
She says we should still be friends
But I know that's a lie
She says see you around
But I know this is goodbye

I say wait, give us time
But she can't wait any longer
I say wait, you swore you were mine
But she doesn't care anymore
I say why are you doing this
And she responds with a laugh
I say this is killing me
And she says honey, I don't care for your death

2 years ago
A man did falter
Poison entered life
****** him at the altar
King no more
The throne was broken
Throughout it all
He had kept hoping
That maybe she would save him
But it wasn't to be
Dragging him down further
Made to eat the sacred fruit of the tree
God's child
Kicked out of Eden once more
A lifetime of sadness
Because you walked in that door

I got 99 problems and all of them's being happy
Cracks in the foundation
I don't know who I am supposed to be
4 years of life wasted
Tattered skins and ashen lungs
Barely survived, on the other side
Unsure of what can be done
To move forward now, changed as I am
Once so damaged, now a healed man
Recovery isn't a straight line
Relapse will occur
But for the first time in my life
I don't want to leave this world

They do not think of the individual
For them, there is no individual receiving their actions
They do not think, of what their action have done to the individual
They think only of themselves, and how they had to do it
So as to seem a good person, in the eyes of their peers

They can destroy a life
Just to justify their own
Not to themselves, but to others
"I did this, so I am a good friend"
No, you did that so you could seem a good friend, not be one

A good friend thinks of both parties
Not just themselves
You aren't a good friend
What you did, it was not right
Adding stress is a horrible way of eliminating stress

Think, now, before you act
Learn, please, from your mistakes
Never do this again
To anyone
Seeing the damage it caused

The Lord gives
The Lord takes away
And I was blessed in knowing you
During all those winter days
Huddled in my bed
Laughing our heads off
Curled under a blanket
Making love, so soft

The Lord gives
The Lord takes away
This winter is different
In so many ways
I still lay in bed
But now I am alone
And the *** is gone, replaced with a longing
For the first person I called home

it's so loud
you search for pockets of air
a quiet place to gather
relax, re-engage
it's so loud
the music is blaring and the people are yelling
and you're not really sure why you're here
why you keep coming here

it's so loud
and the drinks cost ten dollars
you don't know how many you've had
but you lie and say the next one is the last
it's so loud
as you feel yourself slipping away
and you're not really what you're doing this for
or how you're gonna break out of this daze

there is a war for my mind
some debt, i have to satisfy
for 8 years i have lied in wait
while this monster sits, draining my strength
there is a dream in my mind
exactly what, i do not know
but i can't march forward and fight for it
while this army, it eyeballs my throne
there is a reckoning coming
one war, to start them all
either i will live or i will die
but in fear, i shall live no more

You were
Born as a rain
Drop
Fall
      Fall
            Falling
Into this pit
Of
Absolute Misery
Despair
Without hope
Desperate for
Love

I was
A firefly
Fading in
And out
Trying to save
You from the evils
Of a cruel
World
But failing
Because the
Darkness always
Came back to
Me

We
Meaning us
As in you, and me
And him, her, she
All of us, together
The disenfranchised youth
Rising up as one

We
Meaning the future
Change, a fresh start
Learning from the mistakes of the past
Diving into the success readily available
For us, that other form of we
A collective, meaning you, and me

my head hurts
the pain makes my thoughts
cloudy
and the only thing i can grasp
is the image tattooed on the backs of my eyelids
of your face, the last time i saw you
staring away in the disgust

my head hurts
and its hard to remember
why
you despise me so
when all i ever wanted
was to gift you with all of the love
left in this broken heart

You stood at the altar
Decked in white
The most beautiful thing
I have ever seen
And spoke those two faithful words
"I do"
Pledging yourself to me
In sickness and in health
Til death do us part

But death came to quickly
And we were separated young
Mortality is a saddening reminder
Of the futility of the phrase
Forever and always
Because we don't control time
Instead, we fall victim to it
The never ending march to our doom
Killing all love

Silence
When the heart stops beating, the lungs stop breathing
The footsteps, they are no more
Hands no longer snap, clap, wave
Vocal chords no longer vibrate
Mouths no longer twist these vibrations to word
Laughter is gone, as are the tears
Sobs, they are no more
Noses, no longer blown
A conspiratorial whisper is history
Teeth rest still in the cold
Dead.

3 years together, 6 months apart
feeling better than i ever have
but I've got this stupid heart
telling me that i love you
and deep down i know it's true
stuck now with regret and memories
wishing you still loved me too

We are born alone
And we die alone
In between our lives are filed with people
Day after day facing the same tedious patterns
Talking to the same old people
Walking on the same old roads
Lost, without a purpose
Surrounded by everyone
Touched by no one
An empty husk of a boy
Existing rather than living
And nobody stops to ask why
Nobody seems to care
That the light in his eyes has gone
And the spark and his soul shall never be reclaimed