how do i reconcile this?
these relations i once had with my past?
Or do i just move on? only time will tell


*still a work in progress

this isnt you
your this girl who likes to argue with me about every little thing
and i hate it because we both know your smarter than me
you like to watch me when you think i'm sleeping
and trace the outlines of my face
your beautilful in general

i wish my tire had blown out that night
i wish my car had skidded off the road
i wish i had broken my neck
i wish i had been crippled
but i didn't crash

i wish i had taken that short cut through that empty parking lot
i wish i got jumped
i wish they had broken my ribs
put me in the hospital
but i didnt get jumped

every morning i wake up
feels like my last day on this earth
my bodys out of commission
the gears are clogged and worn down
if it was a place it would look like downtown

I take the train every wednesday
just to see a friend
working on art, making headway
hoping the colors will blend

my boss terrifies me
don't know why
i keep things low key
just trying to get by

so help me

i am alone
the black sheep out of step with the world
i am so cold
can feel this cold world seeping down in my bones

did you ever care?
or did you only just fake it?
I cant take the hits
see all the scars that i wear

i know your happy but i wish you were sad
cause you know i feel ****** and will always be mad
the october skyline is wearing us out
don't know what i'm feeling
buts its something i wish i could do without

why wont don't you stay with me tonight?
i see you burning bright under the street lights

why cant you give me the time or the day?
stop leading me on
you could've just said no but you play these games
and always slip away
were always told to not give up
cause will find someone that's are missing half

I hope you die alone, ugly and miserable
we could've been happy but you ****** that up too
have fun on your pedestal cause we gave up
to you were probably monsters but thats fine
moving on cause i'm done laying myself on the line

the light inside has broken but i still work
its a struggle everyday cause i'm overworked
the schedules and double shifts have not kept me sane
weighed down by these anchors and heavy chains

i wrote you a letter i know you didn't read it
but at least i can say i tried i know i hope you didn't mean it
you say "I'm always busy" and "never could commit"
yes i know ****** up theres no two ways about it