I never wanted to be that girl..
I didn't wana keep thinking about you...
I don't want to keep crying over you..
You're like a bad dream.
You keep getting repeated in my mind..
I don't wana hear your voice anymore,
But you keep whispering all the things I wana hear.
You didn't give a **** about me,but "Baby I need you."
You never loved me,but "I can't imagine my life without you."
The memories of us keeping drowning in.
My sorrows are the waves...
My hope is my last breathe..

-D.

She was in a world of the same **** thing.
They were all scared of the reality.
She could see far from the unknown,actually curious.
They couldn't grasp the known,actually confused.
She wanted to explore her self,know what she's about.
They wanted to stay in that safety zone,know nothing about themselves.
She finally cracked,broken the glass of the same **** thing and grew the wings she dreamed about.
They all doubted,but quietly stared at her beauty.
I never looked back.
-D.

Once upon a time,She met him..He met her & the other one.
He took her to the top of the hill to count the stars,but always had the other one on his mind.
One day,
"I love you",he said.
She blindly believed her love.
He took it for granted,but she never thought twice about it.
She thought they had it better than Romeo & Juliet,he thought of the other one.
Every night her love for him grew stronger than she could imagine,every night he missed the other one a lot more than he expected.
"I love you",she gushed out,"I love you too."He forced out.
One day she thought about the wedding dress,the flowers.
That same day he went to visit the other one, his  love.
She waited that night,thinking about what will be and the "yes,I do."
He left that night,taking all his things and crushing her dreams.
When she awoke that next morning she noticed her world empty and dark.
The sky was crying as well;
All she could think of was that wedding dress,the flowers,the love of her life.
The rain was hitting them,he held the love of his life in his arms.
All he could think about was the children & the "I do",
But not to you....

-D.

We go back & forth like some kind of war,
We can't get resolved; Don't think we want to.
We keep going back & forth like some kind of storm.
Thunder & lighting; Here we go.
I need you.
You love me.
We can't trust one another.
We can't live without each other.
Just say it,
I'll admit it,
I'll forgive but not forget.
You'll drop it but it'll always be in the back of your mind.
Why can't this storm just over?Why haven't we ran out of bullets?

-D.

You know what hurts me the most?
What hurts me so ****** much is that I was fighting for someone that wouldn't even do the same for me.
I was begging for something that doesn't even exist.
There was nothing between us except some fast spark between two teenagers that are both wounded.
I thought us "finding our way back to each other" was some fate sign that we were meant to last. That our fate was forever.
This night made me realize that was some sick joke..
There was never "We can try again.", there was never "You're the one I want."
I don't know how I got here… How I finally realized this, but now that I have…Maybe I can finally heal..No more scars that get cut open all over again. No more nightmares..No more pain.
-D.

Lying in the dark she thinks of where it went wrong,
She cries until 3 am,
Letting the inner demons play in her head.
She thinks the world is a lie, she thinks of the day where she can finally die.
But what she doesn't know is that the world is mesmerized by her beauty..
Where without her the world would be missing a bright star....


-Dear Alana,
You mean the world to me and without you I wouldn't know what to do. I know that's the most cliche line ever but it's completely true. Although distance is between us you're still family to me and I'll do what I can to make sure you're okay.
So much has happened to you with no answers given and I know it's hard but I promise you it'll be okay and someday you'll realize that sometimes having no answer IS the answer.
Sometimes it just happens, life throws an unexpected card down and you're suppose to deal with it.
People don't give you a handbook on how to deal with it, but I know you can handle this with the most grace you have. You're the strongest, most caring person in the world, and no matter what I know you can get through this. I love you..
-D.

You promised me all these things,
but now I'm trying to at least remember my self before you..
Before all the butterflies & the heart break you've given me
Before all the gifts & the bruises I've received from you.
What happened to the nights of talking? They started to get replaced by my screams & the pain in my chest.
What happened to the "I love you",Now they're all "I hate you" ...

-D.

How can I be so selfish?
I mean, I have you. I finally have you. I finally have someone I've always wanted. I've never believed in this word "Perfect". That whole word tasted ***** in my mouth.
But hey, I have you.Somehow I was blessed with this amazing,beautiful miracle of finding love. Someone who can save me..You have saved me.
Yet, when we're apart, oh my god I hate this. I hate this feeling in my chest. I get this pit in my stomach full of hot rocks. It's unsettling. It's almost painful.
I never thought I could rely on someone so much. I never thought I would. Yet,here we are. You're gone just for a few days but I swear to you if feels like a life time. When are you coming back? My lips are starving for you taste. My body is aching for you touch. I really need you.
How can I shake this feeling? I know, it isn't healthy.I should be able to go without you for a couple of days right? I mean, isn't that how it should be?
But then again is this what "Love" is all about? I wouldn't know. I always thought I've felt "Love",but this... Something in me just clicked. Something in me just sparked once I felt your touch for the first time...Hearing your voice sent shivers down my spin.The type of shivers I want...
When are you coming home to me?

I tried to better my self for you..
I tried to become someone greater than this mess.
I tried to make you smile.
I tried to make you see the brighter side.
I tried being there for you.
I tried to help you.
I tried to make them listen.
I tried to explain my self, I tried to help you explain yourself.
I tried being this person.. The one I want to see in the mirror & smile back.
I am this mess.
I am this sick, tired, lonely, selfish fool that can't stop loving you.
I am this stupid, weak, full of lust mental case that can't stop thinking of a "Perfect World". Where I am something better, where we are together.
-D.

I thought all the butterflies flew away, but talking to you.. Hearing your laugh. I found one more beautiful butterfly hiding.
How could this be? I thought the garden was empty.I thought it was destroyed-
But looking at that smile of yours made all the flowers grow once again.. It was so crowded, so much color, so much life..& my heart,wow- It felt lighter, it felt better.
Could it actually happen again? Could we be happy together again?
-D.

As the party went on through the night I couldn't help but to look at him.. He was smiling, laughing with her.. Then when she ran to the little girls room there was a new smile, new dress. Why do I care? We agreed. "Just friends.No attachments." But there I was..Looking.. There he was..Looking. There were guys I would talk to, I wouldn't push them away.. But at the end of the day it was his lips I'd be kissing, his body on top of mine. How can I do this? How I let go?

I'm just sad.
How do I let this go?
How can I become something new?
I don't want to feel this anymore, I don't want to keep waking up and asking "Why?"
I want to be happy and see the future so bright, no matter the outcome.
I don't want to be feeling this so soon.. Or ever. I don't want to think of my life some dark hole I couldn't escape. I want to see some kind of light.
I'm tired of pretending this smile. I want it to be real.
Why can't I just think of something happy and stay happy? Why do I have to force my self to get out of bed and why do I have to force my self to see the ones I love? Shouldn't I want to without hesitation?
I'm just sad.
-D.