you have wandered into my heart
without wiping your feet,
and have planted your garden
with some peregrine seed,
uprooting suspicion to feed the roots you know i need.
not the slightest premonition
hinting at this fires ignition,
with harmonies conspicuous,
it brought me to a full fruition.

you make me become me,
scraping tar from ancient condition
a reassessment of the needs,
a very natural division.
and though many of my deeds,
however morbid they may be
fade from your conscious recognition;
oh my true soul, you've made free.

so you may walk upon my heart.
tread heavily, with boots of lead,
for you have become the reason
for it to even bother to beat.

october is over,
and our hearts are tied like knots.
into each others beats we fall,
oh how easily we can get lost.
a new rhythm to march to,
gives us step’s we’re unsure how to take
but each footprint we leave,
is evidence to believe
not one step has been taken in vain.

                                                          ­            october is over
                                                            ­          and my hands have let go of their fists.
                                                          ­            no longer clenching tight to anchors,
                                                        ­              so the weight can find its exit.
                                                           ­           as a new ray permeates
                                                                ­      i’ve stopped the shadows clever games
                                                           ­           and dropped the baggage of distain,
                                                        ­              becoming your light once again.

october is over
and you don’t even know the truth
how i have held your supple heart,
tucked away and hidden from you.
some day you will discover all,
if, that is, i do reveal.
you’re meant for me, there is no other
& our osmosis will slowly congeal.

furious as the sun,
vibrant as the moon
dancing tantric motions
through a swift magnetic swoon.
our cups are overflowing,
now the spillage will ensue
but ive become alright
with spilling myself into you

penetrating my flesh with your gaze,
soaked into the earth
as the suns brightest rays,
a quite brilliant display
of the spectrum of light
you engulf every day. 
and once passes the light of the late afternoon
you still cut through the dark
as the light of the moon,
your heart shines on strongly
and the night ends so soon,
the hours are only as moments with you.

furious as the sun,
vibrant as the moon,
now I'm  lost for words
as once again it came so soon
we've come here searching the same thing,
the fearless conquerers of truths.
and when even the constants
start changing themselves,
our nature is
clearly
*unmoved.

lost in the madness of new thoughts, alone.
tired of having no heart and no home
these humble hands have been worked to the bone
I'm silently fighting to keep them from stone.
fighting for air, determined to stay afloat,
the waves are pulling at me, it's hard enough not to choke.

free as a bird with its wings freshly clipped
can't shake the chains of realities grip
even these clothes feel much too tightly knit
and the weight that I carry bears me down with it.
and yet something calls to me, still something I missed
something that beckons my heart through all this.

perhaps there's a light at the depths of this sea
or countless great treasures for me, possibly
or maybe there's something that I can't perceive,
but its hard to have heart when you've seen what I've seen.

though still, if it's sinking, it's down with the ship
no hope to escape the vessel I'm in
always and forever, through thinnest of thin,
she's learning to live with my terrible skin.

morning, evening, noon and night
i want you always in my light,
always you are in my sight,
always right
here

sunday monday, through the week
i need you next to me to sleep.
because of all the dreams we keep,
its easy to breathe
here

i'd wait forever for your kiss
for an embrace that curiously fits,
i never thought it'd be like this,
i need your lips
here.

you are sunlight through the clouds,
the rays envelop, the light unbounds
and they sink into my skin and chest
they come to rest
here.

At the end of the day,
even if you walk away
you've called my tenderness to wake
bringing love to every day.
and it will never dissipate,
the love you've set inside my veins,
and I won't let it escape
as long as your light never fades.
you've taken me and rearranged
the empty spaces in my brain
making me forever changed,
leaving my aggressions tamed.
maybe it's been hard to say
all of the things we need to say,
but even if you walk away,
you've called my tenderness to wake,
I am forever changed.

thought i heard her slip
"i love you"
from her tongue into my ear.
couldn't catch it in the silence,
it was much too loud to hear
the warm vibrations of her hands
passing goosebumps on to me;
but i awoke alone to find
these things were only
of a dream

the thickest breaths of smog for me
in endless search for purity
approximate serenity,
a purge from which i cant escape.
my bones do ache
and muscles tear;
the trembling quake
of the heart i bare.

i pray for oxygen
to clear the dust from winded lungs
to cleanse my chest in sacred tongues,
a heart that rings with ancient song.
i pray for us again
to clear the fires from our hearts
to cleanse my motives from the start.
a moment’s calculation off
resets the forward destination
-infinitely

its so humbling,
through the broken glass i see
the endless possibilities
of all that could have been
mad to live
scared to love

I'm so alive.

i cant seem to find
the source of this weight.

come and find me,
wayfaring soul
chase the heat of my smoldering coal.
the embers of an eternal fire
spread wild as dogs, mad with desire
and i will walk upon a sea
the tides forever carry me
as flames gently lick at my feet;
i will not bleed, my heart will never cease.

the dream from which all life is taught
the realm from which all love is sought
i walk that line, the rope is taut.

there are beings in the wind
they whisper to me to pretend that i am one of them
a fluent river in my head,
a flowing coordinated thoroughfare of dead
these spirits cary me away
carry me to the grave
to awaken them.

and so they sing with me,
they breathe with me,
they live with me.
inside of me there is a seed;
the roots of every tree
intertwining with my dreams.
shaping reality
i am the awakening.

they live in my breath
they allow me to see
the realm of passing death
softly brushing the reeds.
finally free
eternally

the soldier knelt to fix his cap,
dug deep into trenches, he stopped.
amidst the shots, he reached for the map
if not in his pocket, it’s lost.
“it seems like we’ve been here for years”
the man beside him squawked.
“an hour seems like many days,
because we’ve gotten so lost.”
unsure of quite how to respond,
the soldier raised his brow
but as he was about to speak,
the man who’d spoken went down.

the soldier raised his head to see the great alsace-lorraine.
the war had raged for far too long, and so he contrived an escape.
he planned to sneak across the flank,
advance the trench on his own
but as he stood to make his break, his heart
sank quite gut-wrenchingly low.
he thought to himself in a humble tone,
“i can’t do this alone.”
although his intentions were clearly courageous,
his weakness truly had shown.

as lady luck would have her way,
the days kept withering by
as the soldier so fervent to capture this land
tried not to keep track of the time.
they advanced to the east, but to their dismay
the french would push them right back
and until a day they’d find a way,
the men had no way to attack.
a fateful storm rolled in one day,
a blanket of snow o’er the field
and the mood of both great war machines,
had slowly came to a yield.
the soldier, so tired of the weight of the war
climbed out, with a fire in his eye.
he raised his rifle high in the air
and cried “Deutschland über alles”

the soldier then fell onto his knees,
and raised his hands to the the sky
not seconds passed before the scream
as snow and french bullets did fly.
the soldier was struck right through his lung
and grasped his chest to breathe
but all could see his head was hung
as the soldier collapsed from his knees.
there was no escape, he said to himself
as the snow slowly blurred into light
and he passed away on the holy ground
and they never did win that fight.

with tinfoil teeth and steel wool hair
silver feet and iron stare
the coldest one, the coldest one here
conducting light from the horizon into my bed.
i need the sun to feed my head.

but you know me so well for
bolting shut that iron door.
i never leave it exposed,
my mechanical heartbeat
nobody has to know.

my metallic heart is the satellite
my metallic heart
reflecting the dimmest of lights.

carry me through lands of dreams
sleepy shamans oaths perceived
the new humans rewrite their creed
to reconstruct the codes beneath.
as sands of time brush through my lungs,
beneath where silver moons once hung,
the catalyst for earths progressions,
tantric winds of gods procession
are pulled to fuel the fires in our chest.
to fuel the fires in us.

ride the colors of the wind, my friend;
dance with death until your end.
the serpentine son rises to speak eternal truths
and soon his weary eyes will rest upon you.

the deepest shades of blue green hue
from the swoon of palaces
dreamt of once, so long ago
where trees from ancient soils will grow
and we, collect their morning dew.

breathe the leaves;
harmony with trees
to clear the dust from weary lungs
and plant the ancient seeds.
we cleanse our chest in sacred tongues,
as wood can never bleed;
paint the skys with all our eyes
and let our spirits scurry free.

our bones do ache
and fingers shake,
as we watch death die
where our peace is made

crescendos of light will lead us through the night
astral wings stir winds of flight
amidst the vast celestial light
we own the sky; we run the night.
and with god, we share our sight.

with god we share our sight.

i am the beginning and the ending,
the king and the peasant,
the victor and the failure,
the restless and the relieved.
i am the liar and the deceiver,
i am the prophet and the believer,
i am the proud and yet the humble,
i am the lion and the lamb.

of me, this is reality
of me, this is the truth.
i am all that shall never be,
of me, I hang this noose.

i am the religion and the believer.
i am the forgotten and the retrieved.
i am the rotten and the beautiful.
i am all that myself has conceived.

i am the only thing controlling this,
i am the blessing, wrapped in loneliness,
i am the center and the circumference.
i am the only book on the shelf;
nothing can get to me if not through myself.

i’ve waited my whole life for things to get better.
but they never did.

no love i could have ever kept,
no friends whose sides i’ve never left,
no voice pale enough to calm unrest,
no hand to grip my chest and show me how to live.
no smile to greet me openly.
no weight to give me gravity.
no pleasant reassurance,
only ruthless self endurance.

so i’m done waiting, i’ll do this myself.
pride may cause the fall, but i don’t need any of your help.
i’ll watch the stars, and hold their hand,
keep my head towards the sun and trust nothing else.
& i’ll slowly let go of my demands
and let my thoughts accept themselves,
because there is nothing more fulfilling.

you know that simply breathing isn’t living,
that the days can’t be contained by time.
existence is more than a heartbeat,
and whatever you’re looking for, you’ll never find.
so don’t cry to me with broken hearts, you don’t need it anyway.
i cant hear you down below me
so come up here and bury the sky.
i’m not afraid to leave my body to the worms,
but death will come to me on my own terms.

sometimes i stare at the stars and ask myself
if anyone is even listening.

i wanna know the feeling of your hand inside of mine
i wanna whisper in your ear, send cold shivers down your spine.
and when i lay beside you, put my hands right on your thighs
and tickle you until you can’t breath, so you punch me in the eye.
i dont wanna think anymore, it’s just a waste of time
because theres nothing there but you inside my lonely mind.

i wanna take a train with you and ride into the night
and when morning comes, and we’re outside just standing in the light,
you’ll dig your head into my shoulder, as the sun will shine so bright
and i’ll tell you, dear, don’t worry, everything will be alright.

i wanna step into a balloon with you and start to fly
and we’ll float across the vastness of the open morning sky.
dont bother looking at your watch, we’ll live outside of time
and towards the moon, we’ll get there soon,
if not, at least we tried.

i wanna melt into your ears, and get inside your brain.
i wanna feel your tongue reach out and try to catch the rain.
i want to shield your heart from anything that causes pain.
i wanna scream and shout with you as we both go insane.

i wanna scream to all the world how cool i think you are.
that everything i’ve done has been in search of you this far.
i wanna crown you queen and take you up into the stars
ill come to you and take you there no matter where you are.

ive taken every measure just to show you the way inside,
so come and make even more of a mess of my silly childish mind.
i know its strange as strange can be and that this might not be the time,
but im behind your eyelids girl,
so come and get behind mine.

im sorry darling, it’s time to go.
i’ve packed my things for heading home
i’ve left the water atop the stove
to boil until i’m back.
so watch it very carefully
as all of my insecurities
are bubbling ferociously
in attempt to gain the integrity they lack.
i hope that when i do return
you haven’t smashed my precious urn
for ashes are ashes, already burned
but still, they’ve been much more than that

before.

oh woe be to my heart,
that it begs for the sustenance of love
but is satisfied only by my own mind.

and woe be to my mind,
which thinks only to love itself
and to satisfy its own body.

and woe be to this body,
as it consumes and destroys
the very things that keep it alive.

woe be to these dreams
to intertwine with the vacuum of nothingness that is everything.

to be nothing, oh to be nothing.
woe be to me.
oh, woe be to us all.

my words are so cold that i choke
on the lies i spit from my throat
a hunger pouring from my mouth;
slowly dripping out the corners as i soak my soul in doubt.

if theres a place i haven’t been yet,
take me there; take me now
take the heart inside chest
rip the seams and make a mess
and go pin it to your sweater,
or on your hat just like a feather.
i know it’s floated on my sleeve
but girl i want you to believe
that there are diamonds in your hair
because you know you’ve got a flair
thats unmistaken to my eye,
cause you and i know how to fly.

an hourglass as i see your hips ******
there’s glass between us, underneath us
though no reflection will deceive us.
and though deception come between us,
still our universe perceives us,
just as irony defeats us;
so ill hold your hand and pretend
that through you i can make my amends.

my words were so cold that i choked
on the lies i spat from my throat
hunger poured from my mouth;
slowly dripping out the corners as i’d soaked my words in doubt.