I don't have the means or the time
and it is beating down my heart to where I can't breathe.
In my head I am soaring to the end with great purpose
and stealing all the moments to share with no one.
Staggering, swaying, I stumble toward the prize.
The conquest is there, I can imagine it.
Within my reach, it is still miles away.
Why can't I just take it, possess it?
What stops me?
I know I want it, I know I deserve it.
But maybe I don't know anything at all.
I've lost what is real, what is actual.
Too many pictures develop in my head
of what can be, what should be, what could be.
Indecision has become a way of life.
A weigh of life.
Burdening the spirit with relentless torment.
What seems so easy to others
Becomes a festival of despair.
A mockery of triumph.
There is elation in the capture.
There is misery in the letdown.
If I could just know what is right,
Even if the right is truly wrong.
Who shares this wavering doubt?
Responsibility is mine alone,
but please take the load away from me.
I hold onto hope, hold onto forward.
To stagger back would only extend the pain,
without ever knowing the truth.
The ability to recognize is such a tremendous gift.
Assurance with the cards of play
Belief that what is wrong will be exact
Confidence in self to make the right choice.