red puffy eyes
broken glass
ripped skin
pulled out hair
tears falling
feelings crashing
self hatred
self regret
feeling worthless
i'm easy to forget
losing weight
losing sleep
losing hope
losing dreams
I
am
lost

I often depend on many people
in order for me to feel happy
they make me feel special
and listen to my problems

but

they leave, every time and every chance I get
to become close to another being, they up and leave
before I get the chance to beg them to say

even though I realise that I cant be dependant on others
someone else will come along, and I forget all about it
I like the company
I like the affection
I don't like being left

I see a lot of glamorising of eating disorders
everywhere

what is so glamorous about sticking your fingers down your throat
using laxatives because you cant cope
starving yourself

there is nothing glamorous about eating disorders
they're mental illnesses which need to be addressed

I have an eating disorder
and I can tell you this
there's nothing glamorous about this
not one little bit

losing weight
losing friends
losing consciousness
will this ever end?

hate myself
hate my grades
hate the stress
will this ever end?

always alone
always thinking
always crying
will this ever end?

2am
sitting alone
at the
coffee table
in the dark
writing and
aching
for you
while you are
asleep
in your own bed
far from here
dreaming of
someone else