May
May 20th...
I don't even know what day it is today
May 22nd, 2015
Last night I did *******...
And I smoked a lot of ****
And I drank a lot

Between Screwdrivers and Cuba Libres
There was something there waiting
I'm searching for something without any idea of how to find it
Why do I punish myself?
It's just me causing harm to me
I am becoming my reflection

Pitiful thing,
my heart,
it is frightened to love
--anyone but you.

Today
I did not think of you as much.

The day is coming
of it I am sure
We will meet again
It will be a casual, everyday, scenario
A coffee shop, a bookstore
Surprised, alarmed, a forced Hello
And I will fail in telling you how I truly feel

In solitude I find myself
As if I were lost
During nights of loneliness I am forced to accompany myself
With myself I spend time
Forced to confront uncomfortableness
Awkward stares await my reflection
Accompanied by depression and all her friends

No distractions to distract
A Vice City no more
Prohibition of vices
Eliminates the haze

Who I was is not who I am
My alter ego took over
The Hero creates the Villain—not the other way around

I am rediscovering myself, solely
Alone, alone, I need to be alone
I have never been
I do not know how

Ignore my instincts for company
I urge to leech on for friendship and love
Companionship is a drug
But I combat and deny all—no
No I say
It is time to be alone

For solitude is my new lover
I will get used to this eventually
Coming home to no one
And no one waiting for me at home

To be alone; my choice
It is not a luxury nor is it a goal
I chose this
I choose to be alone

Insomnia,
I stay up for no one but you

There is nothing more that I hate than this
What this is, is different for all
This is that and that is this
This destroys my days and then claims my soul
A state of oblivion with no dove in sight
That could change if this was better
What it is is this.
And this, this, is this
And that is lost--
That will be nothing without this
This, is all mine.
That will happen when this is better
Better is what I wish this was
**** this, and **** that
This is all mine
This, is all mine.