November 6
this day
Brought me a feeling inside
Of deep depression seeping in
How I witnessed too much
How she cried over the ring
Of her parents broken marriage
Tears forming in her eyes
tilting her head up so they wouldnt fall
To reveal the pain she felt
But it radiated towards me

And how saftey pins and beads
Ment so much to her
An unknown meaning
But I felt her emotions gravitating
Towards me

How the boy
With rebellion tattooed in his mind
Had a quiet face
That showed how angry he was inside
But his smile was something
Rare and special that I had barley seen

how the girls
Could claim
To be my friends
But swiftly leave
And isolate me
Without a care
loneliness was something
That occured each day
more *often
The the day before

How I have to see
you
The being I once deeply cared about
That I gave my all for
With someone else

How that boy
Stared at that girl
In a way I envied
No, not with lust
But with a love
Searching for every
Perfect thing in her

Observing
All day
is a habit
Which I hate
I discover
Things That
I should
Not know

I dont know
Who I am
And if I lost myself
In the recourring events.
I'm somehow
a blurred fingerprint
out of millions
On a telephone screen
Or a mut on the the street
(Unable to be defined as a certain breed)
Or a speck of dust on a window pane
Observing everyone.  
Its like floating in an endless turquoise ocean
distancing from the people on shore
While they couldnt care less
or even notice
they just keep playing
their games and staring into the sun
until its too late.

I thought by now
I'd be fine
But at times
You creep into
the crevices of my mind
Slowly seeping in
and deepening wounds
You once had stitched

I am in a state
Of feeling inferior
And your false promises
Echo in my brain
They whisper
That I'll never be the same

the worst part is
I sit patiently waiting
for someone to stitch me up again
While my conscience
Trys to protect me

You are
The delicately pressed flowers you collect
In your favorite childhood book
The way you cross your t's
And dot your I's
The specific way you enjoy the weather
Even if its grey and frosty
If you dog ear your books
And highlight certain words that appeal to you.

You are
How long you stay on the phone
listening to the other person whisper
moments of their day
And how you like you coffee or tea.

You are
what you think is beautiful
And what you choose to wonder about
When you observe out of your window
And what you thank God for every day.

You are
the melodies and photographs
You enjoy the most
And the quotes you've cherished across time.

You are
The way you keep your hands
And whether or not your palms get sweaty
In anticipation of something bittersweet.

All these things collect
Into a beautiful diary
which is you.

stabbing words
cut it like scissors
tough emotions
crumple it up
manipulative actions
tear it up as a whole
flaming slurs
disintegrate it like acid
bad memories and experiences
yellow it

kind words
temporarily stick it together like a glue stick
lovely actions  
fix rips for a while like tape

please don't fracture a paper heart,
it'll never be the same.

4am
Cracks on my lips
Blood seeping out
sadness trying to escape
From the frostbite you provided

5am
Chills down my spine
Goosebumps sprouting on skin
Fears chilling within
From the memories you provided

6am
Lavender and jade green
Sinking beneath my eyes
Tiredness is the state in which I lay
From the exhaustion you provided

7am
I shuffle by
knowing you'll see me
But the fog blinds you
From what you've provided