My sister sitting beside me,
Talking and laughing,
Rare happy moments I see,
She makes life better in those odd moments.

Lovingly caressing my ghostly skin,
A crimson dripping type of venting,
The self destructive device bites in,
My demonic pocessed hand continues sliding,
Hateful of a body that remains forever unthin,
The ironic shiny savior my hand clutches keeps me bleeding.

My mind is defeated,
I am tired yet lay sleepless in the night,
I go over the days intake,
She controls my mind and I give up the fight,
I am worthless,
A horrible disgusting sight,
So fat and hideous,
The knife digs in with one relieving final bite.

No sleeping for this teenage girl,
As her eyes stay open watching dripping red blood,
The dulling knife sits in a hand with a slight curl,

No sleeping not tonight,
Need time to feel the metal on skin,
No sleeping must win this inner fight.

My life is told in numbers,
The story of calories that manage to slide past hesitating lips,
A grand journey of ever lowering amounts on scales,
My journal of undesired fat on thighs and cuts on hips,
A diary of daily painful exercise,
Many bottles of water taken in hunger killing sips,
However no matter the number I remain never good enough.

Warm orange light casts a glow on shadowy walls,
Colder and more fearful the hour as darkness falls,

And then there is me bleeding and angry,
Upset that there is 99 pounds of me that yet continue to be.

Burning, stinging,
Steel in flesh,
Dripping, Bleeding,
Metal on snow white skin.

Slicing pale skin,
The sliding knife cuts me deep,
Blood floods out crimson,
The comfort of red I shall keep.

Knives have touched me more of late,
The feelings of sadness, loneliness, guilt,
And ultimately self hate,
Cause crimson drops to color pale flesh.

In the children's closets,
Under the kids bed,
Or the most destructive monster,
That lives inside our ******* heads.

Blood,
Slow running,
Red,
Fascinating.

Again I sigh,
Cold in sweat,
Sitting high,
Up on my bed,

I realize,
the curse that is dreams,
Soft and sweet,
Till suddenly filled by screams,

So different they are at the start,
But only then will darkness come,
The black consumes your heart,
After all that's where nightmares are from,

In my nightmare,
I feel lost,
I feel fear,
I pay the ultimate cost.