Thanks for letting me love you half a decade
Thanks for showing me the brighter things
And bringing pigment to my grass blades
I thank and pray in every language
To every god or being or divine entity
That led us to where our paths did meet
Along highways and roadways unpaved
Rocky, twisting, turning, topsy-turvy
Early mornings and endless nights of thoughts unnerving
Fearing I would never find you
You breathed new life into lungs collapsing
By fate or chance or happenstance
Your fingers fell into my hand out grasping
And I hope you never let go.
Whether six feet under or side by side in urns as ashes
I’ll forever be grateful that I had the privilege, however short or long it turns out to be,
To have shared this time in infinite space with you

My forevers last half the time
So I hope you won't be mad if I
Give you all of me so that you can see it all
Every laugh line, broken hearted, altruistic flaw
My hopeless romantic, spastic, haphazard philosophy
Cluttered, caustic, over-cautious  thoughts that always bothered me
The way I hide behind these platitudes
And my off and on bummy mother ******* attitude
Maybe shed some light on my enigmatic self esteem
Like how I want to be somebody else but not if that somebody isn't me

I've been way to caught up to catch up
I chalk up all my bad days to bad luck
And my awkward phases that lasted decades
Scrolling through your timeline reminds how regret tastes
Go on and take it how you wanna take it
My past relations leave me obligated
To read into every minor subtlety
Leave me wondering if you're still in love with me
Though I know the answer's no I still hold out
Cause love seems to be the only thing I know about

Alcohol don't **** me up like you did
At least i could put the bottle down
But tonight I'm pouring up; here's to love lost and love found

I wanna give you all of my mornings, even though I don't sleep though
Send you endless poems, countless selfies I just hope that you keep those
Locked away to look back on months or years or weeks from now
Make you wonder, make you ponder, make you think somehow
That at one point we were strangers unbeknownst to one another
Now I can't see me as whole if ain't we got each other
There's no me and you or you and I it's just us
Bound by these ties that we create and double knot, praying they never come undone
But if we bend or break I know that you can patch us up
Pray you make me an optimist and keep me from acting up
Hold me down, figuratively or otherwise
Hands pinned down, feign a struggle mesmerized
Look up, see you geeking, cheesing and laughing
Creases deepen on your cheeks and give you wrinkles worth having
Not like the ones when you furrow your brow, pouting and pissy
Mad about some **** I probably did and I hope that you forgive me
Hope the only silent treatment you give me is when you're fast asleep
But if you talk in your sleep I'm cool with it
Just please don't snore
And understand from time to time my hamper is the floor
But I'll always be sure to clean up
Never leave the seat up
And if you've had a long day, let you kick your feet up
Give you a foot rub, let you vent and rant away
And do whatever the equivalent of Netflix and chill is these days

I loved you for the longest time
Way before I knew who you were
Well before I knew what love was
My heart ached and yearned for a love like yours... A love like ours
I craved and begged and ached for it
Along the road I gave up
I accepted whatever scraps life offered
Beggars can't be choosers
And I chose to accept what I got
As the saying goes "we accept the love we think we deserve"
You've shown me I deserve more than I ever knew I was worth
Not to discredit it all
Every bump in the road, every depression, every manic episode put me right in your headlights
But I won't run, I won't jump, I won't budge unless it ends with you in my embrace
My sweetest dreams in human flesh
Bless you for falling for a fool like me

Today I woke up happy,
what a strange thing, to be alive and happy
I've got wrongs I've righted, and wrongs I'll never fix
In some strange way I've come to grips
Realizing reality rarely plays out picturesque
But I'll clean off the lense and try again, if this is as good as it gets

I'm sad. But it's like the sweetest feeling
Revel in the fact that my hearts still beating
Even though it's not the same, lost some pieces I can't replace
Know it's a hefty price to pay but still I can't complain
Finding hope in conjecture of stories I never got to see through
Lonely nights, grasp at straws, but still can't reach you
Why can't I seem to find a balance between bummy and never been better
At times my mind does wonder to days when it didn't take so much effort
To sleep, to breathe, to wake without this emptiness
Trying to find some light, searching for the brighter side if it exists
A path to whatever it is I'm destined for
with each day that passes my will seems to lessen more
For what it's worth, I don't have means to cope with it
Just take it in stride, fake a smile, on autopilot for most of it
Still borderline hopeless, and I do my best to keep on
But as of late I've found it easier to keep strong

If I had one chance I would take it
If I had one shot I would face it
Maybe take a couple more never chasing
Except for you but I get complacent
I get so caught up in my early contemplations
Evading the commonplace of my every complication
Every road and seam of indignation
But if I could right my every left then maybe we could make it
May the odds be ever in our favorite
And my mistakes never be mistaken
For any indication or inclination of this fading
Every sown seed grows greatly despite the implication
And I would be remiss if I said I didn't miss every awkward hand hold and hand placement

Honestly I've been a mess, honestly I've been a wreck
Honestly my honesty is indirect
I hide behind three dotted lines with messages I'll never send
For fear that all my fears will be left on read

I cling to your every thread
Your strands entwined with mine
Every fiber feeling deeply for you
My sweetest, dearest, love come true

Guess Life hasn’t been life in a minute
Heart’s weighing heavy, hardly have the strength to lift it
So I Hang my head lower than my eyes when I’m too lit
Should probably change my ways but if the shoe fits
Please excuse my past excuse and indiscretions
Know you know I don’t have a clue I’m misdirected
Misguided misjudgment, mask my mistakes with mixed drinks
Sorry that I lost you I often tend to misplace things
Misplace blame, misplace trust, Misplace hate, misplace love
Far too many if’s and maybe’s maybe that’s what I’m afraid of
Cause you're the only one who kept me grounded like a parent
And as time goes by its becoming more apparent
You're my only constant, constantly betting that I'll get through it
And I wanna prove you right because I know your love's the truest

If today my life does slip away
And my lips lock close with words I didn't say
I'm not sure what I would make of it
My ever running mind speeding past me, creating temporary lapses
Lost in memories gone turned into passage
Jotting down my fleeting thoughts
Lonely nights where I was cool with being lost
Days where happy was more than just a state of mind, And maybe I
Could find my way through darkened tunnels and over passes
Drawing smiles on our fogged up glasses
And my stick figures that never seem to look right
My early twenties kinda made a mess of me
My best of times have gotten the best of me
A younger me, my younger I, and my refracted reflection
Tragedies, on fallen knees, and my redacted rejections
To victories, and days where we
Could hardly breathe or fall asleep
For fear that we'd miss our happy ever after  that was only a moment away

If I ever lose you then I lost myself
And I'm all I've ever known
From mountain highs to desert valley lows
I've become more, felt more, and said more than I could ever imagine
I look forward to 20 years
Then another 20
Then 20 more.
Because my early 20's were infinitesimally quiet before you

Often times my mind does wander wildly
Thoughts where I wonder who I would be
Without my past flames that kept me sane
And without my darker days would I have still remained the same
Or would I be a lesser version of me now
Immersed in the aversion of my mistakes and doubts
Cause we all know I've got plenty. What's new?
Maybe one day maybe I'll see things from a different altitude
My higher learning certain forever searching for a purpose
I may never find cause nothings ever perfect
Deepening lines, wrinkles in time, and broken remnants
Of who we used to be, whoever we are, and what we're destined

You give me wrinkles worth having.
Even as I write this they are deepening.
I'm replaying endless memories of you.
Thinking of our inside jokes.
Remembering moments only you could make.
Without trying or knowing you can always make me smile

Our untimely finish has left the sweetest scar
Our unpredictable perished predicament seems pretty far
What a difference that a year can make
Strange how 365 can change
The route or the path that we have chosen
I can still hear your sweetened laughter roaring
Loud above the cacophony of problems that I'm avoiding
And knowing above the rest you were my favorite choice and
I could never see a me without you
I can never see me without you bleeding through
In my every vein, in vain of what I might have found
Your every being, being inside of what I might have found
On the journey, the destination to what I'm headed towards
Though I can't see past this point, I'll just keep on climbing more
And at some point maybe later down the line
Once I've found myself maybe later I can find
A piece of me, a piece of you, every single one of you
A peace that'll bring the little bits of everything I've lost into perspective

I hope you fall in love with me often
That I take your breath away every time you make my heart skip a beat
Maybe in time life with divulge it's sweetest secrets
Maybe then I'll know why you wound up in mine
I can't wrap my head around this concept
Try though I might, I'll never truly understand
Just what it is I have here
How you make my face hurt though my soul is the one smiling
How you leave me dumbfounded with just a subtle look
How despite the tides that shift you guide me shining brightly
You are undoubtedly the strings that lift me up and the anchor that holds me down
Keeping me at peace with just the sound of your voice
My biggest fan, my best friend, and everything else in between
It's truly a pleasure to be yours


Love Gabe