Honestly I've been a mess, honestly I've been a wreck
Honestly my honesty is indirect
I hide behind three dotted lines with messages I'll never send
For fear that all my fears will be left on read

My forevers last half the time
So I hope you won't be mad if I
Give you all of me so that you can see it all
Every laugh line, broken hearted, altruistic flaw
My hopeless romantic, spastic, haphazard philosophy
Cluttered, caustic, over-cautious  thoughts that always bothered me
The way I hide behind these platitudes
And my off and on bummy mother ******* attitude
Maybe shed some light on my enigmatic self esteem
Like how I want to be somebody else but not if that somebody isn't me

If today my life does slip away
And my lips lock close with words I didn't say
I'm not sure what I would make of it
My ever running mind speeding past me, creating temporary lapses
Lost in memories gone turned into passage
Jotting down my fleeting thoughts
Lonely nights where I was cool with being lost
Days where happy was more than just a state of mind, And maybe I
Could find my way through darkened tunnels and over passes
Drawing smiles on our fogged up glasses
And my stick figures that never seem to look right
My early twenties kinda made a mess of me
My best of times have gotten the best of me
A younger me, my younger I, and my refracted reflection
Tragedies, on fallen knees, and my redacted rejections
To victories, and days where we
Could hardly breathe or fall asleep
For fear that we'd miss our happy ever after  that was only a moment away

If I had one chance I would take it
If I had one shot I would face it
Maybe take a couple more never chasing
Except for you but I get complacent
I get so caught up in my early contemplations
Evading the commonplace of my every complication
Every road and seam of indignation
But if I could right my every left then maybe we could make it
May the odds be ever in our favorite
And my mistakes never be mistaken
For any indication or inclination of this fading
Every sown seed grows greatly despite the implication
And I would be remiss if I said I didn't miss every awkward hand hold and hand placement

Often times my mind does wander wildly
Thoughts where I wonder who I would be
Without my past flames that kept me sane
And without my darker days would I have still remained the same
Or would I be a lesser version of me now
Immersed in the aversion of my mistakes and doubts
Cause we all know I've got plenty. What's new?
Maybe one day maybe I'll see things from a different altitude
My higher learning certain forever searching for a purpose
I may never find cause nothings ever perfect
Deepening lines, wrinkles in time, and broken remnants
Of who we used to be, whoever we are, and what we're destined

Our untimely finish has left the sweetest scar
Our unpredictable perished predicament seems pretty far
What a difference that a year can make
Strange how 365 can change
The route or the path that we have chosen
I can still hear your sweetened laughter roaring
Loud above the cacophony of problems that I'm avoiding
And knowing above the rest you were my favorite choice and
I could never see a me without you
I can never see me without you bleeding through
In my every vein, in vain of what I might have found
Your every being, being inside of what I might have found
On the journey, the destination to what I'm headed towards
Though I can't see past this point, I'll just keep on climbing more
And at some point maybe later down the line
Once I've found myself maybe later I can find
A piece of me, a piece of you, every single one of you
A peace that'll bring the little bits of everything I've lost into perspective

Today I woke up happy,
what a strange thing, to be alive and happy
I've got wrongs I've righted, and wrongs I'll never fix
In some strange way I've come to grips
Realizing reality rarely plays out picturesque
But I'll clean off the lense and try again, if this is as good as it gets