"So?" She said.
When will it happen?
Everything that we dreamed of?
Was I just your hometown girl?
Just meant to recharge you at the pitstop before you jumped back on your merry-go-round.
We spoke of Paris
And the sweet champagne air that bathed and the cool grass that tickled the toes of the enlightenment
The revolution marching people into class rank and file like trained troops to be conducted by the invisible hand of capitalism
We watched the world go by on the history channel
When would be visit the theme park it was all played out in
I thought we were meant to sail our own odyssey
But you drink my temperament like the elixir of youth to give your soul a nap.
Whatever, I don't need you
I can stay right here and not fly away
I will start digging my way into the ground
A rabbit hole, maybe I will end up in China

There is this person who I am meant to become
who wears accomplishment with jangling pride like a filled charm bracelet around her wrist
who stands on a stool facing down to the world telling it how to run
who has control over circumstances and can stand on her own two feet
who is well assured with healthy self-love and an earned radiance
who can love others with a full heart and not with one half kept in a jar under her bed just in case the other half got lost or broken
who knows exactly where to go and has a well annotated map
who can smile and say "let the current of fate guide my boat" without the fear of being lead to a whirlpool or a Kracken
who looks in the mirror and smiles at the intrinsic and extrinsic beauty that the glass beholds

I am a husk. A lost one. Floating on the wind. Shivering. Alone.

I want to talk to God
I want a piece of paper with answers
Instructions
What to do next, what to major in, who to kiss, who to talk to
Am I following the life I was meant for?
Is another me in some distant parallel universe happy and clued on.
Am I who I am meant to be?
God, I'm lost in this horrible hamster wheel of self doubt, running endlessly, trapped, not even sure what to run after.
At 20 I should chose the life I want, but mine is so insignificant in the great sky of stars.
I have no dreams to realise
I'm just a dreamer

Paper and ink shall be my destiny for the following years
The world will stop and converse with me through once written and retyped word.

No fresh breeze of unknown zeal with encourage my soul
No foreign sun or forrest to stroke my spirit

Paper and ink
Paper and ink

Little blue pill rock me to sleep
Give me the gift that the last few nights have robbed me of
My eye lids close down over my eyes as if they are embedded with embers
Burning pools
Sleep **** me

I was going to text the guy (an avid Nirvana fan)
Who I had my 2nd ever one-night-stand with
That I was listening to Nirvana all week because of him
But I don't want him to know
That he had so much power over my weekly music choice

If your problems are turning themselves into menacing clouds of steel
Go outside and realise how simple life is
The plant runs on a wheel of four beautiful seasons each bringing a wonder
Nature wavers in harmony with humanity
Even in our ironed out wilderness the concret rivers are a dancing ground for birds who put their fate in God alone
Iron boxes sit under selected trees in front of doors with untold stories to millions only in the minds and hearts of a chain of friends
The network of earthling life is relatively uncomplicated each soul singing a note in part of an awesome chorus.
Sometimes you just need to sit back and listen