i did not seek to intrude upon your garden
to plant seeds for violent thorns and dark vines
take root upon your cheek and drink from your tears
nor a trojan horse for my starving madness
to feast upon your thoughts and rouse your own
yet i confess when i lost my innocence of you
i found myself clawing above the cold earth
where i waited the claim of roots and worms
blood in my veins decanted with gasoline
ignited into a desire to savour again the sun
raise my fingers to trace words and fires

even when you lust
for the strokes and licks of tongues
laced with the seasons of ashes,
why do i still desire to wash your feet
with my soft and gentle kisses?

how can i not crave
for crumbs, a thin slice
or a delicate bite
when in you and with you
i discover a garden of gentle hungers
in full bloom and fruit,
like when daylight comes to wash away
the dust and regret of lost chances,
give every shape and color a fresh coat
of promise so that starlight and moonlight
may find refuge for one more day?

a hunter for words yet i cannot
find the metaphors to trace and keep you,
you move, you smile, you glance
always forward forging to greet the sun,
the light on your skin tracing and caressing
your feminine form burns away
the desire and despair to be blind
from these tired and dying eyes

distant as you are from the kisses
of my eyes and my touch
i could not forget you, nor wish to
and so i will stalk the wind for scents
follow the stars and touch the earth
until the last blade of light
to savor the words, color, and shape
always emerging when i speak your name.

only in this naked sky
is where I can touch you

even if by chance together we gaze
you may have already forgotten me:

the memories they call warm and sweet
most favorite by time’s tongue and teeth.

but just as the sun rises
so it can fall to the sea

so will soon like stone be still
the rhythm of this heart for you:

*for now it will take a knife.

if one day you would wonder
why i kept on breathing, proclaiming
more than just your name and memory
french kissed until the moment i could no longer
may you remember the reason
why i loved you

in a lifetime struggling in the dark and my own lies
with you i wanted love to be simple: truth
so with more than just open eyes
i sought to see your darkness and your light
and it happened, the taste and textures of you
the colors and shapes unfolding in the wild
orbits of your lust for life matched
the empty pockets and spaces within me.
in you, with you, because of you
i learned to measure, mix, knead, and let rise
the recipe for a life of love for you.

on this day
if you remember my love for you
please, do not let tremors of regrets
ride with the beating of your heart
to break the outlines and shape of your face
i once held soft and gentle in my now absent hands;
please, do not let lost time brew poison and flood
the twin delicate shores of your eyes,
and please, not even a sigh for sadness
for not loving me like i have loved you:
for though i may have loved you first
loved you long after your own had died
in between, you did love me
with a love that was all your own,
born from your choice, in its own time

just as i have done for you with mine.

you rarely spoke my name
because there was always your smile
who took the place of your voice

born after so much waiting
after crossing ***** streets
to soothe the hunger of silent mornings
with the sweet and warm memories
of caramel and cinnamon afternoons

when you spoke my name
it was full of longing
laced with a certain sadness
as if i was going away, or dying
your tongue and lips traced
each syllable like an incantation
to bind me to your desire
to be with you

bound i am now to you
even in these fresh hours of dawn
when even sleep has taken her bed
my far away eyes set
to where you are
without me

as i am without
your smile, without your voice
with only the syllables of your name
to match the twin wet trails
born from my eyes

it is not the rain
fall on my skin
nor the howl of the winds
embracing me
thus i cower and shiver

but the memory
of your fingers tracing my back
as if writing a love letter
of your soft cheek pressed
against my left shoulder
like a first kiss
while your nose draws
to breathe and savor deep
my sweat and scent

that i miss
in your absence