Christmas used to be fun
I'd run around happily
Now i'm just snippy
and short with my family
I get so angry
and i dont know why
but Christmas just makes me want to cry
My unemployed mom can put presents under the tree
but me with my two jobs can't afford to buy my family anything
Tis the season of suicidal thoughts
shame, guilt, feeling less blessed, more lost
I need to stay strong though i dont want to be here
I'll just ask for a hotel room to be alone next year

Dear Reader let me paint a mental picture portrait
Of the girl I met at seventeen I could not forget
The deepest, sweetest brown hair and eyes
Hiding her eyes behind her hair when she smiled
She would dance her problems away
She would talk to me and love me in a way
I was never loved before the way she kissed
When you looked at her you would have never guessed
She could be such a ***** girl
Now thinking of it, I shouldn't have entered her world
She had such perfect creamy skin
I could never believe she would let me in

Dear First Love, I need to let you know
I'm so very sorry for the way things had to go
When we first met
I would've never guessed
You'd be the one I'd give everything to
I never wanted to take your innocence
And no matter what I deny, I did
I wonder if you could ever love me again
Or forgive me for my sins
The pain and heartache I brought
Were not as worth it as I thought
Remember that blanket I bought
The only reminder of me you've got
You said you hated the way you look
You thought you were ugly fat and mean
I used to write you books
Saying you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen
You hated your heritage
Your ex made fun of you for it
I thought it was beautiful
I loved you more for it
It doesn't matter now anything I say
You Moved on and so did I, maybe that's the way
It's supposed to be but I just want you to know
I'll always love you no matter where you go
One more thing I must say today:
I'm sorry that I took your innocence away

My mind is filled with a million different faces
I can't recall any names but I know the places
where I like to hide, hide my eyes
My eyes are fine, fine with lies
Down to sleep, sleep to escape this reality
TV show I made in my head
the show's just begun when I lay down to bed
Sometimes I think I'm better off dead
I dread the dead
Until the end of time the only world they see
Is a two-foot-wide box buried six feet beneath
Their lost hopes and dreams
I don't have a rhyme scheme
I have no rhythm I cannot rhyme
Iambic meter is a waste of my time
I'm literally scrawling my insane thoughts
Hiding from them though I know I ought
to work on my grades
But instead I just sit and hate
Myself because of my attacks
Always at the worst times they come back
Scaring off any chance of love
I always beg from above
"Please God save me make it to me clear
What in your name am I doing here!"
All I can think of is who I used to be
And I hear what I used to see
Inside myself; straight edge to the very end
Now what I cannot do is defend
My testimony to the jury of my peers
Their hate and love is why I am here
My attacks return and I'm insane
Put a silver bullet in my brain
Figuratively what I am saying
Is I want my skin to touch a blade
Metaphoric blood drip...drip...dripping to the floor
Feeling my soul slip...slip...slipping out the door
Quietly, not wanting me to see
Her walking out on my like everybody
Stop...
I can't focus with the music around me
I wanna slam my head through this glass pane to stop the pounding
I started this poem 24 hours ago
24 hours later I'm still alone
There's no way to mask and no reason to hide
How empty and Soulless I feel deep inside
So Much effort put in, yet so more I need
For this little poem no one will read

Though your eyes are a bright, rare, cool blue
There are wonderful things to be seen there too
So many wonderful things in your big smiling eyes
A world with an ocean where all is Golden in the Sky

The verses are screamed like Oli Spikes and the Chorus is sung like Brandon Saller

I don’t think
you can understand
How in love with you
I really am
And now you’re sad
And now you push me away
But I’ll still fight
no matter what you say
Your spirit is broken
Well so is mine
But to hurt you again
I’d rather die
(Chorus)
Don’t leave, you saved my life
You taught me how to stand
You made me realize
How wonderful I really am
(Verse 2)
Just a dull boy
In his closet alone
Bleeding and crying
But no one knows
When I told you
You cried on the phone
You stole my weapons
Now my addiction is gone
Nobody believed
In me like you did
All of them thought me
Incapable of happiness
And the worse it got
The more I started to believe
They were right
There was no hope for me
(Chorus)
Don’t leave, you saved my life
You taught me to stand
You made me realize
How wonderful I really am
(Bridge)
I promise I can really change
And I’ll learn from my mistakes
After all they don’t make me who I am
I love you with everything
Every fiber of my being
You’re full of wonderful things
(Chorus)
Don’t leave, you saved my life
You taught me to stand
You made me realize
How wonderful I really am
I’ll change I know you don’t believe
But I will prove you wrong
It’s never too late to fix
What we have wanted all along