energy crystals surround her desk
drinking chai tea
and reading a book about opening chakras
her history is filled with articles about spirituality
being more connected to the earth than ever before
she’s tough and I’m aang
she’s teaching me how to disconnect
to reconnect to what actually matters
she bombards me with articles and essays
I read them all
learning more and more each second
she reads my birth chart
now she knows more about me than I know myself
sun is in 17 degrees virgo
losing sight of larger issues
I’ve sworn perfectionism
cautious by nature
Venus is in 02 degrees Leo
love is a combination of pride and respect
remaining loyal to those whom I am attached to
taking it quite serious
friendship is highly sought
such reading explained me better than I ever could
energy crystals hang from her necklace
drinking chai tea
and reading a book to me about herbal healing
we’re walking barefoot along a creek
I’ve never felt so connected
but it all makes sense

I sometimes wonder if she hears his voice when she talks to me
When I tell her “I love you”
does she hear his voice
is this why she sounds so afraid when she says it back
When I hold her, I can feel her shaking
is it because she’s still cold since his warmth left her
She’s so afraid to open up to me
she never tells me how she actually feels
instead, she’ll say “everything’s fine” and she’ll kiss my cheek
with a faint smile
I sometimes wonder if she hears his voice when she speaks to me
when I say “I’ll be back”
she becomes paranoid
she thinks I’ll never return to her like he did
so she begs me to stay a while longer
and I because I love her so
When she’s sad
I try to comfort her to the best of my ability
but she won’t even look at me
she stares off into the distance
I sometimes wonder if she’s still looking for him
and when I say “I love you”
I wonder if she has to force herself to say it back

anyone could tell you how to treat someone special
but I bet they wont tell you how to treat yourself better
I know you look into the mirror and you’re disgusted
with what you see, like you just want to rip your skin off
and change all of your ****** features, even shedding some
weight off in your mind, imagining how you’d be if you were
just a few pounds less
just a few inches taller
just a little more muscular
anyone could tell you how to love someone
but I bet they wont tell you how to love yourself for who you are
let’s be real here, how can you love someone else
when you can’t love yourself
you don’t have to be cocky
you just have to be confident
when someone catches your eye
you have no clue what they're biggest insecurities are
yet from across the room, you're still amazed by they're presence
anyone could tell you cheesy pick up lines
but I bet they couldn't show you how to pick yourself up first
and stand tall with your chin up
not letting anything tear you down
why does not one teach others how to keep their head
above water
we can see that everyones vests are defective and they're beginning
to drown, anyone could tell you how to swim in a wave pool
but I bet they wouldn't tell you how stroke against the ocean waves
because they’d rather see you drown than see you
swim to safety, maybe sea shells are the bones of the forgotten
and when we listen to them, maybe its not the ocean we hear,
maybe its the screams of those who weren’t taught how to swim
maybe its the screams of those who's last breath of air was full of
water from the ocean
no one is terrified of the sea anymore
of the past several hundred years
man has conquered every twist and turn
yet somehow 3,533 people die each year
due to drowning, just in the United States
anyone could tell you to wear a life vest
anyone could show you CPR
but who are you to an ocean who has claimed lives for centuries
instead of wanting to be that supermodel or A list celebrity
maybe we should all want to be Poseidon
with an almighty trident

Ultimately, 
I think she had forgotten what she meant to me.
somewhere along the way
I found myself in the middle of the busiest city 
on the eastern side of the Mississippi River 
I could no longer find the star 
that lead me to her eyes
somehow, we’ve become distracted by the lights 
that are artificially made just to tear souls apart 
the first night I was awed by her beauty 
there was a lunar eclipse in the sky 
and everything felt so dark
but she was 
the closet thing to a sun 
she shined brighter than any star I’ve ever seen 
I told her 
You are the sun, and i am each and every 
planet revolving around you
the first four planets are my 
mind, soul, body, and heart
and the astroid belt acts as a rib
still dangerous, the fragments leave craters behind 
this is why every part of me is so damaged 
still, magnificent star, I revolve around you 
I needed to return to a rural countryside 
where I could finally see each moon that she made shine 
because these moons are all of my insecurities
oh, how she made them all seem so admired

this is a voicemail to the girl I’ll never call

beep

Hey, remember how you used to tell me that you couldn’t wait to see the world?
The first place you wanted to travel to was Paris, you said that it’s just something
you have to do.
You told me all of the things in Paris that you wanted to do, like shop in thrift stores
and look across the city on top of the Eiffel Tower, hope to see a celebrity and take pictures with them.
We both knew that there were various school programs to study abroad but you didn’t want to go to school there, you just wanted to enjoy life there, for just a while.. not too long, not too brief.. at most, two weeks.
I wondered if you’d send postcards back home or bring back some goodies that you stumbled upon.
I couldn’t wait to hear the stories you’d tell me.

beep

It’s me again, I bought a journal with the Eiffel Tower printed on the front, all of the pages were blank.
I started to fill them in.
Suddenly, weeks went by and I realized that only one page had been inked.
It’s not like I had writers block or I didn’t know what to say to you, I just…
for the first time, I just wasn’t able to say or do anything.
Everything was silent, the pages, silent.
The ink, invisible.
The communication, gone.
I tried to go back time after time to ink the blanks, but nothing ever came out.
I’m still waiting for the stories.

beep

I miss you.

beep

This is my third attempt on this one voicemail.
I’m not ashamed to say that I got emotional in the last one, lucky for you, I deleted it.
Now it’s off somewhere in dead space.
I wonder If you’ve been to Paris yet.
I wonder if you’ve seen the city there, late night.
The way the tower glows, the way the city flows, its magical.
It’s almost like a wonderland.
I wonder if you remembered my mailing address for the postcards…
Maybe you sent them and they got lost in transit.
Its the thought that counts. Someday, they’ll find a home.
Someday, you’ll return home.

beep

I think I’ve ran out of things to say.
I’ll stop calling…

beep

I want to see the world too. I want to go places that I never thought I’d go.
I walk to climb mountains, cross vast rivers, sail the oceans, I want to live.
I want to bike across Europe, horseback the country in America, Ride a camel in the great Saharan desert, find love in Paris…
find love in paris…
find love in..

beep

I promise, this will be the last time.
This will be the last time.
I just have one last thing to say.
It’s been far more than two weeks
I wonder why I’ve been waiting for the stories,
when in reality I could tell my own.
I could have a pin pal
I could study abroad
I could learn french, travel to quebec
I could learn french, road trip to Louisiana
I could learn french, and speak the language of love
still, I wait to hear your stories…

*beep