one
2 - 3 - 4 - 5 -
followed by deep breaths
and two laps around the park
stopping only for water and the french bulldog that looks a lot like tank - only his name is charlie - still cute nonetheless
baby, why did you stop running
i'm sorry - there was this -
you don't want to hear it
two
more phone calls spent entirely explaining how you love me
but you just don't love me
three
more hours until i'm in your arms again
i just hope you hold me close enough that you actually feel me
feel what it is like to hold someone you love
four
when shopping at a local farmer's market - i always see this same couple in the fruit section - they seem much older than me - still the seem so youthful - still they light up even when all that surrounds them is dark - they are not afraid to face their demons - defeat them and still be grateful - i once asked them how they define unconditional love
five
i once cried in the shower trying to wash off all of the flaws i had that made you walk away and find love in better places - far away from me - closer to your dreams
six
i'm sorry - this isn't how i normally act -
its just i had so much left to say only to realize i left my phone on mute
seven
silly boy, don't you know? love isn't something you can read directions for
eight
i pray that you never have to look in the mirror and be terrified by the demons staring back at you - i pray you never lose sleep trying to hide from them - i pray - i pray - i pray -
nine
according to the book 'real love', unconditional love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought of what we might get ourselves
ten
its no wonder why i've spent all of this time trying to make myself happy again

I am standing on a ledge
five hundred feet away from my doom
sometimes I would rather rather fall here
than fall for you
sometimes I would rather fall here
than fall for
you
sometimes I would rather fall here than fall for you
and isn’t that funny?
why am I falling at all
I am too high for this
you should have met me here a long time ago
and here I am again
falling

falling

falling
just to be on the same level as you

please proceed with caution
the last to walk the darkest path
did not make it to tell the story of sights seen
from the top of my darkest peaks
your head may be in the clouds but who’s to say that even at this altitude you could remain grounded
I would hope your feet be planted firmly on anything other than this facade
please proceed with caution
I would never wish for you to be consumed by ashes and turned into stone for looking back
there are much more beautiful wonders of the world other than me
if you make it out alive and decide to come back
I wouldn’t know if you were a foolish daredevil or an immortal being hoping to find glory in taming the dragon that’s been hiding for centuries
I pray that you still proceed with caution and never find warmth in the fire in my eyes
after all— I am an earth sign
but at my core— I am nothing but a ball of fire
waiting to erupt

pain decorated by dim lights
dancing across your face
It’s a shame that I am in other places now
seeing faces of strangers and feeling more welcomed than ever before
a past love once knocked on my door
greeting me with cold roses meant to last forever
she must have forgotten I am a volcano
flowers do not grow upon me easily
it is not easy to breath in my presence
my self destruction will bring an unsettling heat that you can not handle
because sometimes even I can’t
I know that I have been dormant for some time
I just pray you don’t stay for my eruption
I would hate for my pain to redecorate a place you once called home

I keep a mountain in the distance between us
sometimes it seems but a bittersweet beautiful challenge
this mountain is a facade
A fictitious front like I was never meant to walk the path that leads to the zenith of divine being
is this the best I have to offer you
is this the best you have to offer me
the tides have formed stronger against us
swimmers who lack integrity
still we face all odds and come out victorious
somehow...someway..
complex issues solved by such simple ideas
if all it takes to survive is a glass of water
then I desperately hope my oceans don’t drown you
maybe this mountain is the safety we are too stubborn to accept
sometimes it seems but a dreamers dream to reach the top
I’ve fell down a few times now and it’s getting harder to get back up
I suffer from fatigue
not demons that haunt me
I have defeated many goblins with hands tied behind my back
still I offer nothing but solace

the saddest part about finding love
is that you lose yourself to an idea
of something that you believe
makes you invincible like
nothing could crush you
but the truth is
you lose love when you find yourself
and your desire for love vanishes
making you invincible
but that thought alone
will crush you

there can be so many beautiful things about falling in love but the side of the story that they don’t tell you is that falling in love with someone is almost as difficult as falling in love with yourself, but the only difference is that it is our natural instinct to catch ourselves when falling— you see, when you fall for someone else— there is no natural instinct for them to catch you.