here,
beneath your arms,
is where i don’t belong
igniting magnetic touches,
and weaving different songs
kisses on velvet skin,
always there to keep me alive,
along the road i knew,
i realised your crumpled lies
rest in peace,
i say,
sipping in our sudden despair,
i can no longer be here,
you can not either,
we can never be repaired.

there is this drug in me, swimming inside my bloodstream, kissing insanity away and forming sunflowers on potted vases, in to vast gardens. I can't stop it. sometimes, when I don't consume it, it rips through flesh and wriggles itself in, tickling me until I dissolve in to fits of laughter; and then it would usually pick one of the sunflowers and ask me to take it for a dance and I would, oh I would. I think about it every time I wake up or read a book or breathe; some days when it's quiet I would still sense it's touch but very faintly, very softly; I can't live without it though, not ever; even if it couldn't come in some days and plant it's sunflowers I'd still need it; I wouldn't want those sunflowers withering away without it, and that drug I need swimming in my bloodstream and kissing insanity away and gifting me with sunflowers is, yes, you.

**You.

it's there. it's barely there. it's in my reach, but no, it's not, it's so far away. it's swirling, round and round, you know, like the Milky Way. you're my Milky Way, you are. sometimes i pay no mind to the ticking clocks around me, i can travel back in time to that time, where i can hear no ticking clocks, just the melody in our minds, i can only hear your epidermis sliding against mine, i can feel your kiss in my gums, you're the air i inhale. you're my Milky Way, you can stop the time. you slipped your fingers in mine and they fit, like puzzle pieces resting against each other, i found you, you found me, you're in my reach, but so far away. my mind is drenched within your universe, too much that these words are not enough to comprehend. you are so close, yet so far. you are my missing puzzle piece, no matter what the time.

*you are my multiverse.

hey there; have i ever told you: you look like the type that can hold splintered arteries and mend them in a second? i won't let you touch mine, not now, not yet. but i'd like you to know. you're something. something i can't quite place. i might seem like a bother, but i'd like you to know: i'd let you sit next to me & paint my hands on to yours, if you would? color me however you want, just don't go too deep. i'd splatter the marble colors back on to your skin & count the pennies left in my pocket and maybe we can chase the streaming lines above us instead? you're something. maybe something that might fit better in my aching palms than these wavy lines. you've got a diamond laying loosely in those silver-grey pupils. i must admit, i might have taken a dip inside... i might have left paint streaks on their walls, but still... you're something. something i can't *quite place.

I was sitting in the middle of crooked roads
and singing to the passersby about us
and our love
a lie

the bridges were slowly thinning in to
nothing
but old DVDs we used to watch when our minds were marinated with
empty vow books
and
your memory was seeping away with every note
dissected
in to atom-sized pieces of photo paper that was
impossible
to mend

I saw the sand particles of hourglasses run out
and almost forgot you
but then
whispers of your voice reverberated
swinging recorded words like tongue twisters
I covered my ears before your wavelengths could clash with
mine
and we would be
whole
once again

We are out of time.

only i can pronounce
and it keeps screaming
back at me in old voices
and fatal strokes of
dead birds calling out

two times the pitch
sounds only the dead can dance to
and it goes on
note after note
diminishing the sanity
and wiping out my thoughts

                         and now

even though
these vocal chords
currently feel like
crumpled papers
& deserted alleys,


the screeching won’t decease.

I know we've never set foot in one place together;
but I've dived deep in to your ecosystem
treading along the puddled paths
and having you by my side
telling me how one patch needed to be stitched and how one was already mended,
you gifted me the key to unlock the equations circulating in your veins;
I know.

I know there was never a day our laughs intertwined;
but right when I find myself in one of those troublesome cracks
you'd recite a joke or two,
caressing me with the warmth of your words
& making me fall more intoxicated in you,
you'd make the ends of my lips curve up with every whisper of your existence;
I know.

I know I haven't yet inhaled the scent resting on the base of your skin;
but love, oh love was made to be created within,
in our minds we have played the game, and in our hearts, we played it even more,
I'll let you know the scents you remind me of:
like freshly ironed clothes,
morning coffee
and football,
I know.

and finally,
I know our story isn't binded yet,
in fact, I know we'll need a million more pages,
so hold my hand, will you?
let's travel to cloud 9
and let us weave this love story together.

we are a love letter;
our initials watermarked,
on top of the page,
in permanent markers.
your laughs embedded,
on to my jagged lines.

      we are a love letter;
      forever, you are mine.
      inked memories stay here.
      bits and pieces of everything,
      accidental splotches of that,
      morning tea.
      your cologne wafting on to,
      my papery-naked skin.

            we are a love letter;
            strings tugging within.
            our fingerprints resting,
            on every angle,
            tracing constant patterns,
            drawing battles we endured.
            slipped in a crimson envelope,
            taste of the glue that binds us,
            coating our DNA together,
            in wax seals forever.

                                   we will always be a love letter.

together, me and you
tracing dreams upon the
navy light, we circulated like
blood and veins embedded in each other’s
system, writing ethereal fantasies in treasured notebooks.



and the next.
i lay torn petals
on the folds of your skin
in the wrinkles of your memory,
i whisper a melody within silent eardrums
and brush my fingers upon your cold face and left you there to rot.

I am standing in the
middle
of this
buzzing road
surrounded by heavily crowded pools
filled with plenty of other souls.

                               there's so many of them
                               too many of them
                   how can I ever feel alone?
                               but I am
                                                 alone.

they came in pairs,
in triplets,
quadruplets,
and a million more number variations that I am too lazy to mention!
they are going about the day,
basking in the sunlight of their current successes,
bragging.
I wish they would shut up

                               there's so many of them.
                               too many of them.
             how can I ever feel alone?
                               but I am
                                                alone.

I can feel the temperature shift beneath my feet
as I slightly stumble on a
rough patch
they were helping each other ever so kindly
...but not me.
                              there's so many of them around me
                              too many of them
            how can I ever feel alone?
                              but I am still
                                                      alone.

bu­t I don't much care about that lot
there is another lot
and there are worse feelings:

                 like feeling shrivelled up in your own
                           world and left to rot,
                                      lonely
             with the people who are supposed to be
                                  your home.





                              **I am alone.

You said you would take care of me
and (I believed) your fairy dust lies
the wand was flicked upon me
I fell deep
I fell hard
I was paralysed by
(you)

but there was no ground below me
not one hint of the destination
(I) looked at you with one goal in mind
and then you pricked the parachute that (helped) me
float with
(you)

as it's oxygen reduced
(I still) blindly (relied on)
(you)

by the time it was gone
(I) reached underground
in a (lost) world
and now
here I am without
(you)

(I lay in) crooked paths
not sure of where the tears will lead to
drawing parallel lines on bandaged (wounds) and
still (thinking of)
(you)