my stomach would knot
and she did not stop
when she would leave a hundred craters in my head.
It came all at once and stopped just the same
It was so fast and unexpecting and
it was immense and terrifying and exciting

and then gone

there were no warnings
On either side.
I cannot comprehend what this is
Or why it has ripped me apart

But she was broken, too.

I have never been to space
Or seen a meteor shower
Every time I had planned to finally catch one
I had always gotten outside just
a second too late
Meteor showers are bright and terrifying and exciting
and quite intense if you are too close
they are quick

And they are gone.
And meteors hit the moon's atmosphere

they become broken, too

While they leave a hundred craters in the moon

she washes me away
like I never wanted to be there in the first place

Sand always finds a way to cling itself to the bodies of those who try to ignore him with towels or wash him away with showers. I told myself I never really cared for the beach anyway, but that sand stayed with me, making me long for the ocean water to kiss the shore one last time. Longing for summer nights, longing for her. We made sand castles and she buried me in every grain, laughing, taking pictures, loving. One night I swore I saw her, I reached out

but a gust of wind came, almost as bad as the storm that had washed us away before. And then she was gone again, clinging to my body, lingering my home, despite the towels and countless showers. I never really cared for the beach anyway

I wasn't trying to feel better anymore
I was trying to feel *something

and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it

.