little buddy
u r tiny hands (are they hands?
arms open up
hold me--I hold u
forget lonely
LOVE is here in your little fists
miss u? of course I miss you
the words elude
solitude and silence
between us
but little platypus
combines
not of flesh
but of furry fortitude
reminds of your warmth
the warmth of soft, hairfree skin
against white cold freckles
I miss u
but for now
platypus
is
all i have

glass and bars enclose them
animals (spirits of wild)
see me?
I see you
land, air, and sea
shooing zoo-keepers
have I ever heard them speak?
animals no need
words are gazes, sounds, and free-

dom dom dom
phrases the elephant beat

reverberating my glasses
blurring my vision
quickening the beat of my heart

lub dub lub dub
step into the cage
you can do it

wild is what I want
fear is all I have

now my dream fades...

*awake

I hate summer*
no classes to attend
no tests to study for
no papers to write
no presentations to prepare
no parameters
no rules
no consequences
no for sure things
no sleeping beside you
no soccer every MWF @ 4pm
no coffee dates
no time to have you to myself
--an infinite abyss of unknowing

your eyes
peer into sunshine
fight darkness
your eyes
ponder all things
chasms abyss
hazel eyes
could not decide
who to be
they decide
we are everything

what lies behind
those eyes
I may never
know

but when you look
my way
I feel warm in
snow

eyes drifting together
think open
maybe a miracle will transpose
call
just a call to hear
one word goodnight
an imaginary kiss across
chasms
is it hope (or lack of) that keeps me awake?
words are difficult
don't (can't) know what to say
we r different
i know
but i don't
maybe I might
if it were a response
of your steps
toward
speech
tonight
a silent wish
**goodnight

falling down
breaking sound
waves of pain
I dream of dancing in the rain

face the truth
dreams are mute
cold black cast
I dream of dancing in the past

swelling of music
I love this dance
bursting sounds
coincide with
blistering turns
crescendo up
smile beaming
I love this dance
spin spin spin
don't stop
shining sun
I'm happy
free
leave me alone
in this dance
i'll be

it really broke
broke no hope
sobs will I ever
dance again? it's severed

my sister
little sister
she dances for me now
her grace shows her crown

The dream is dance
She gave the dream a second chance

da da da daaaaaa...da da da daaaaaaa
the wedding march screams
I am getting married*
not you
varied dreams come true today
the bride in white
the groom says goodbye
to cherished lonely
the stain-glassed windows
shade the scene in vibrant
all is happy

but I am in a box
slowly crushing crushing crushing
in in in
I cannot escape this moment
this moment of terror screams
will this ever be for me
I am stupid stupid stupid
because the tears cannot (willnot) relent
sobs are stuck but strain
eyes glances stares
stupid stupid stupid me

the bride in white mocks
you will never
the groom says goodbye to lonely nights
never feel this
have this
be this

DA DA DA DAAAAA...DA DA DA DAAAAA
the wedding march screams

in and out
the body breathes
it will all be okay
the body needs
this too will pass
the body frees
just shrug it off
anxiety

in and out
in and out
in and out

i can't make it go away
anxiety wins
for there is
no reason
for its exist
-ence
it just is
inside

make it stop
in and out
in and out
hold me
and breathe
in and out
in and out
touch me
and breath
in comes the love
and out out out
goes
the anxiety