the moonlight is caught
on the iced-over snow, on the satellites
and metallic edges of the roof.
i shiver and
smoke my last cigarette of the night
it tastes very good breathing in the frigid air
better compared to those words i was forced to inhale downstairs.
screaming sounds, the two of us in an awful row.
but on the roof, in the cold,
with the fresh textured wind,
i could think straight.
i knew it was better to have you like this
than not at all.

we are two things boiled in love and
tempered.
yours, sparky and quick
mine, swollen and infected
but i let mine and myself deflate because tomorrow is new
and i will probably
jump into your arms
as i did yesterday and the day before

i spend
another moment here
calm and alright
the smoothness of the satin night
slipping through
me
sweeping the mess out of sight
with its beauty,
its forgiving might.
and i know, even in this now,
you and i
we are greater than tonight.

we muted our feelings
and hung
in the awkward
quiet
in the pause, the stillness of a love
meant to flow

these times
only measured
the gap, the distance
between you and i

there were moments
however
we'd sink down
together
meet at the place
the pivotal spot where
beginning and end
inlock
entwined in embrace

my dreams as my life
my life as my dreams

the birth, the first
heartbeat
the reason
the breath

ecstasy and pain don't sound
here
they exist
locked down
smaller than a needle's point
larger than this world

locked down
together
you and i
the home found in one another
the source, the all
the truth
in our silence.

the nights with you
are long
red velvet
carpets
rolled out for majesty

we were driving
with our love child
dead in the trunk
dead in my gut

thunder road on
repeat
reading in the
passenger’s seat
six pack in the back
fingers moving up
bare thighs
begging for some.
a bottle of sailor jerry on the
beach
licking the salt off
each other’s lips
and the word forever
worn as a promise ring.
snapped a photo,
me in a red
bathing suit,
which you kept on
the dashboard of
your Honda civic
98. it’s still there,
i hear,
lying flat
even though
forever
couldn't make it through the year.

we were driving with
our love child
dead in the trunk
dead inside my gut

you will fade away
you will fade like the others
did too
you will fade, my SOS
and leave me with this island's truth on solitude

i rode as passenger once
in a boy's car
i had named Bessie
Bessie grunted and took naps
like a narcoleptic
we drove together
me and this green-eyed boy
in ol' Bessie
through the construction of the Yards in the summer
with our windows
rolled down
smoking cigarettes
under overpasses
on a highway bridge
the city swelling, heaving
over us
and the wild winds
splashing my face
hair tantalizing
impatiently over to his side,
my downtown apartment waiting like a desert flower at dusk
throbbing to bloom
David Bowie sang heroes and i believed the song
could never mean anything more
than our moment shared

years pass and summer nights choke me again
i'm in love again

thundershowers knock on my window
David Bowie sings
but i don't think of that green-eyed boy anymore
now, it's you
tall, spectacular man
spritzer of mystery magic from your hands
i think of you
but i'm alone in my apartment this time
i climb out of the fire escape
thunder cracks the sky
and i let the rain soak my bones
i want to hold you, but
you will not have me
completely
like how this storm
is finding
its way to the last inch of me

i close my eyes and
give
myself away


you won't be the last of them
i know
my story of heroes and lovers sits on the doorstep
of a vacant home

you won't be the last of them
i only dreamed you would
like the sight of a ship too far from shore

shattered bottles
glistening
on moon drenched streets

even as a broken pair
we're prettier than
most things well

blared a fired shot
wept like falling feathers
in dawn's light