You walked in slowly and stood there
staring.
and I am the ******* who just wouldn't look.
You stomped,
heavy-footed with your soft voice
blaring,
I sat, heart heaving, with my head in a book.
You said,
"I'm leaving" then some other words followed
I stopped,
The first two were all that it took.

I left.
Then you left all the clothes you had borrowed.
You left.
And you left me to hang on this hook.

I came home
to a house whose foundation was shaken
I came home
to a house, whose foundation you shook.

I left my home
and came back.
And came back to a house.


A house with no owner,
A house forsook.

Although it is lovely
to make your acquaintance,
I really must admit
I feel like I have known you now
For what seems
like quite a bit.

I believe that our souls met before,
In a lifetime now long past.
And it feels like they were hoping,
That in this one we would last.
Because I feel this love of ours,
Is older than our names,
It's longer than our story,
It's bigger than our frames.

There was life
before I met you,
Like there was time before the watch.
There was light before a bulb could hold it,
There were peaks before the notch.

There will be life
though I have left you,
Like there are shocks after the quakes,
There are days that follow darkness,

There is glue after the breaks.

Perhaps then, in the next life,
If my soul should find
this earth again.
If my heart still ticks like
passing time.
If my hands still ache to take
the pen.

Perhaps, then, when
our time is here,
I'll know it's face,
You'll know its near.

But if our only hope is
maybe when…
My only vow is
Maybe then.

I stayed,
Like a bird who remains in her cage
When the door is left open.

Always more present
Than the occasion calls for.

I'd sit and wait,
Hoping that our bond was stronger
Than the urge to fly
And that the door
Was left open
By accident.

Then you stopped feeding me.

I'm filling up
like a landfill
my heart is starting to feel
like an anvil
And I'm starting to think that maybe,

Maybe this world's not meant for me
or me for it
or us for each other like in a
"mutual" break up
which is an idiom,
because love is never quite

symmetrical.
See, love is like a heart drawn by a
fifth grader.
It's never quite the same
on either side
and if you ever told them they were wrong
for drawing it that way
you lied.
Because that:
lop sided
sloppy
hunched over heart,

that:
innocent
delicate
Beautiful heart,

Is exactly what love is.

When we're older,
we learn to draw straighter lines
to hide our shaking hands.

Don't let them know you're nervous.

We learn to whisper what we don't want heard,
To make silent our thoughts,
in public.
Fights were meant for closed doors and walls
that are never quite thick enough
to keep words that hard, from breaking them down.
Even the fights,
that you fought against someone
who looks much too like you.

When, then, can I open my mind like a book
for only them to read.
When can I open my chest like a puzzle box
for them to put together.
When can I apologize for having before,
what I only ever wanted with them?

I just didnt know it yet.

I am a fifth graders heart
that beats five times heavier
than healthy.
Being colored in
with too deep a red.

I'm filling up
like a landfill.
My heart has reached a
stand still.
And I'm starting to think that maybe,

Maybe a square peg can find comfort
in a round hole.

I have a million words to say to you
Words that I love the way I love my mother
Words that watched me grow into a synthesis of souls
Words that tucked me in at night and scared the monsters out from under my bed when memories weren’t all I had to fight the nightmares
Words that saw me broken and busted bleeding on the floor begging, “please don’t cry”
Please
Don’t
Cry
3 words.
It seems that all of my most powerful words come in threes
I love you, I want you, I need you
The most important to me
The most important because they start with I and end with you.
That is all that I want.
You and I with nothing but love and want and need between us
Rather than the miles that divide us now.
There are only three letters between you and I
3 letters is only about an inch and a half in length unless you’re using really big font
But even the biggest font is better than the actual 1646.2 miles that separate us now
That’s 2649.3 kilometers
Which means that my feet would have to strike street 8,691,936 times before my hands could hold yours and my heart could beat normal again
That is 7,691,936 more steps than words I have to say
Words that I love the way I love you
Words that planted love in my chest and let it grow like weeds, no crevice safe, love grows like vines through my rib cage
Words that slipped themselves in between my fingers and squeezed
Words that kissed my cuts and scars slit thick on my hips whispering “please don’t”
Please
Don’t
2 words.
It seems that the hardest words to say come in twos
I can’t. Just go. It’s over.
The most important to me because I started them and ended us.
But 3 words always beats 2.
So even though I can’t, I love you
And although I should just go, I want you
And “it’s over” never ended us because I need you.
I love you, I want you, I need you.
The most important to me
Because, like this poem, they start with I and end with you

If actions speak louder than words,
Then the quieter I get
the louder I become.

Soon I'll be screaming

At the bottom of my lungs.

Until even my whisper deafens.

With the wave of my hand,
I'll be louder than a freight train.

Every step I take,
Will sound like a stampede.

The further I go,
The closer it will seem.

Maybe then,
When each step shakes the pictures from your walls,
Every look left and then right rips the door from the frame you're standing under,
And my deepest breath blows the whole house down

You'll hear me.

I dressed my core in flannel garb
Even though its 90 out
Shaded my eyes with thick rimmed, large framed Ray Bans
Because I can
I’m wearing skinny jeans
But I bought them before they were cool
There’s a hole in the knee where I was burned with a parliament at a poetry club
It didn’t hurt
I spell Vintage U-R-B-A-N
My shoes look like I pulled them out of Fred Astair’s closet
Because I did
I am too cool to care.
But do not call me a hipster.
It’s too mainstream.