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Everything wonderful.
Everything happening.
Warned once.
Warned twice.
Warned more?
Warned and ignored happily.
A fool.
A fool foolishly ignoring the warnings.
Closer.
Closer still.
Apart, change, distancing.
Feeling pain.
Pain in feelings.
Then wonderful picks up.
Then sudden cut off.
Hurt, ignored.
Pushed away.
Set aside.
Cast aside for another?
Perhaps, perhaps not, truthfully not known.
Warnings were given that being hurt, inevitable.
The fool, heartbroken.
Nothing matters, no one cares, ignored.
Pain equal to a will of following death.
It happened long ago.
The dead walk.
Walk in hordes and herds.
Herds of groaning masses
Masses I have avoided.

Came-to a biting.
Biting my left shin.
Shin seared in horror pain.
Pain the dead cared nor felt.

Alone I am.
Am I alone?
Alone I cleaved the dead head.
Head crumpled, bloodless.
Bloodless monsters.

Days and days pass.
Pass while pain seeps.
Seeps under dead bandages.
Bandages no longer made new.

Infection.

I found ....

Self my in closet dark.
Dark it is tonight.
To... - tonight
Tonight words hard to speak.

Thinking what?
What tonight?
Tonight, no afternoon?
Afternoon with sun?

A ramp, I drag my sleeping foot.
Foot below shin?
Shin with shoe-less foot.
Foot moves rocks and grit.

I - stopped.
Stopped by... - what?
What I speak last words.
Words sense no thoughts.

I - can't.
Can't be.
Be on, I say...
Say mumbling "dead boat."
My growth is slow, determined.
In time I will stand tall.
I hate winter. I love summer, the bright sun.
I feast under the sun.
My skin, my armour is thick.
When face to face, certain death,
Stand I will. To the end I fall.
Who am I?
Vagaries of emotion.
Attempted control by exhaustive thought,
Concentration.

We are to have them.
Why can we not simply turn off and on at will?
****** to obey that which is not logical.
The grand sensation of emotion.
It is all logic consuming, interrupting.
Fight it off, focused mind.
For a little while to the sensation am I blind.
Only to flight back into the commotion.
The enjoyment of eating,
Marvels of television's ability to drown problems,
Games to replace reality was all he wanted.

The young life,
Reality,
Offered everything emotionally diabolic to a growing, developing mind.

Through ridicule from elementary peers; fat, ******, stinky or stinker or something relational.
Through defensive mechanisms of accepting ridicule from family.
Through seemingly harsh reactions to a young mind’s spoken word;

A growing  trait to hide thoughts, emotions, began.

Speak and be brought into pits of embarrassment, hurt and hate?
The enjoyment of hiding, an escape.

A life sentence in confined silence -
Everything
Internalized.

Problems, actions, reactions, actions to be, thoughts and emotions occurring and to be, all internalized.
Unaware the implications were to be damaging later,
He proceeded to master the skills to hide in plain sight.

An arduous battle,
An escape from confinement to undo the silence,
Creating immunity to criticisms and differing opinions began.
Not without heightened defenses to new pressures,
Success was found.

Attempts made,
Success found,
Won battles,
The internal struggle of war with self continues at dreadful paces.
Thoughts to control past silence must always be on the offensive.
Control the defensive,
The strong silence.
Perhaps always and forever.

— The End —